BAND 8.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: CRAFTING AN EFFECTIVE LETTER FOR WRONG PRODUCT RECEIVED ONLINE

Discover an effective Band 8.0 IELTS essay sample where a customer involves a discussion about receiving a defective vacuum cleaner model from an online purchase. Follow this comprehensive guide to understand the method of writing complaint letters, how to ask for a product replacement and express dissatisfaction professionally.

Writing Task

You recently ordered a product online, but you received the wrong item. Write a letter to the company's customer service department. In your letter: 1. Describe the product you ordered. 2. Explain the problem with the received item. 3. Request for a solution to resolve the issue.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.5 Scoring and Feedback

Hi, I hope this email finds you well. I am writing to bring to your attention a problem that I have gotten recently after purchasing one of your products. I purchased a vacuum cleaner robot with the mopping feature from your website. However, I received a vacuum cleaner without the mopping feature -for your reference I purchased the Model K741 and received the model K740 and my purchase ID is 7654345-. Moreover, I noticed that the vacuum cleaner does not charge itself which means it is defective. I contacted your online support and ask for a replacement of the item, however, they rejected my request. The only solution that they provided me is to send it back to the warranty department for receiving repair on the device. Although they reimbursed me for the additional amount that I paid for the mopping feature, I am not satisfied with the offered solution from your customer service. First, It was a new item and it was supposed to work properly, and I don't want to use my warranty service before I used the vacuum cleaner. In addition, I need the mopping feature as I have athema and it is highly recommended to avoid the accumulation of dust on the apartment floor by mopping frequently. The only solution is to accept my return and send me a new vacuum cleaner with the mopping feature. I am looking forward to hearing from you as soon as possible. Kind regards, Hesam
Words: 245Paragraphs: 6
Submitted: 7/21/2023, 05:09 PM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The letter is generally well-organized with a clear structure, which helps convey the message effectively. It follows a logical sequence: introduction, description of the problem, explanation of the issue, and a request for resolution. However, there are some areas where the coherence and cohesion can be improved for better clarity and flow.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. For example, the transition between discussing the problem and the requested solution can be made clearer by explicitly linking the dissatisfaction with the proposed solution to the specific needs (e.g., health reasons).
  • Use more cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between sentences. For instance, instead of starting the paragraph with 'Although they reimbursed me,' consider using a phrase like 'Despite the reimbursement,' to better connect the concession with the dissatisfaction.
  • Clarify the sequence of events by using time markers or linking words. For example, specify when the customer service was contacted in relation to receiving the wrong item to enhance the narrative flow.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary relevant to the context of the complaint letter, such as 'defective', 'reimbursement', and 'accumulation'. However, there are instances of less precise language use, such as 'gotten' and 'athema', which should be 'asthma'.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure accurate spelling and usage of medical terms, like correcting 'athema' to 'asthma'.
  • Expand vocabulary to include more precise and varied expressions, particularly for describing issues and solutions.
  • Avoid informal language such as 'gotten' in formal letters; use 'received' or 'encountered' instead.

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and correct use of tenses. However, there are some grammatical errors that affect the clarity and accuracy of the response.

Recommendations:

  • Pay attention to punctuation use, particularly in complex sentences. For example, the sentence 'The only solution is to accept my return and send me a new vacuum cleaner with the mopping feature.' could benefit from a clearer structure to emphasize the request.
  • Use more varied sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical competence. For instance, consider using conditional sentences or passive voice where appropriate to enhance the variety.
  • Improve sentence structure by avoiding run-on sentences. For example, the sentence 'I contacted your online support and ask for a replacement of the item, however, they rejected my request.' can be split into two separate sentences or restructured to improve clarity.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement is maintained throughout. For example, 'ask' should be 'asked' in the past tense to agree with 'I contacted'.

Task Achievement7.0

The letter effectively addresses the task prompt by describing the ordered product, explaining the problem with the received item, and requesting a specific solution. The writer clearly states the issue with the received vacuum cleaner and provides necessary details such as model numbers and purchase ID. The request for a solution is clear and justified with personal reasons.

Recommendations:

  • Make sure to maintain a formal tone throughout the letter. Avoid casual phrases like 'Hi' and start with a more formal greeting such as 'Dear Customer Service Team.'
  • Include a brief closing statement that reinforces the urgency or importance of resolving the issue, beyond just looking forward to a reply.
  • Ensure all points are equally well-developed. While the explanation of the problem is detailed, the description of the original product could include more specifics like features or reasons for choosing it.
GRADED
6.5
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:7.0
Band Score:6.5
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement7
Complete response7
Clear & comprehensive ideas7
Relevant & specific examples7
Appropriate word count7
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