BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: CRAFTING AN APPRECIATIVE LETTER TO A GUEST SPEAKER | PROFESSIONAL CONFERENCE PRESENTATION IMPACT

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Writing Task

You recently attended a professional conference, and you were highly impressed by one of the guest speakers. Write a letter to the guest speaker expressing your appreciation for their presentation. In your letter, include: - Introduction: Explain who you are and why you are writing - Description: Describe what you enjoyed about the presentation - Impact: Explain how the presentation has benefited you or changed your perspective

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.5 Scoring and Feedback

Hi Mr, Bayat! I am writing this Email regarding your presentation. I was really impressed with your speech at the conference. It is obvious to me you are knowledgeable and have comprehensive information regarding that topic because I have already studied the topic. I know specific data and I am up to date about the subject. I need to mention that your presentation was valuable to me because I could pay attention to more aspects and details that I have never thought about them. I am going to execute the project and my new knowledge and view will help me to do my project in a better way. In addition, I changed my mind about the way of processing my project and cut two of my steps and It will help me to save time and money. according to my new knowledge, I will finish the project in a better way. Best regards. Hediyeh
Words: 154Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/18/2023, 05:50 AM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence and cohesion. The ideas are generally logically ordered, but there is a lack of clear paragraphing and some abrupt transitions between ideas.

Recommendations:

  • Use transitional phrases to smoothly guide the reader from one point to the next, especially when shifting from discussing the presentation to its impact.
  • Use cohesive devices like 'Firstly,' 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' to effectively link ideas and sentences.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and flows logically to the next, enhancing the overall readability.
  • Organize the letter into clear paragraphs: an introduction, a body where the presentation is discussed, and a conclusion on its impact.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary to convey the main ideas and appreciation to the guest speaker. However, there are areas where lexical choices could be more varied and precise to enhance the overall impression.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate some idiomatic expressions or collocations to show a higher level of lexical resource, such as 'broadened my horizons' or 'shed light on.'
  • Use more precise vocabulary to describe your feelings and the impact of the presentation. For example, instead of 'valuable,' consider using 'insightful' or 'enlightening.'
  • Avoid repetition of words such as 'project' and 'knowledge.' Try using synonyms or rephrasing to maintain reader interest.

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, with some complexity in sentence formation. However, there are noticeable errors in sentence structure, punctuation, and article usage that affect clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure proper use of articles ('a', 'an', 'the') to enhance clarity, e.g., 'writing this Email' should be 'writing this email'.
  • Improve punctuation usage, particularly with commas and periods, to avoid run-on sentences and ensure sentences are complete. For example, 'and It will help me to save time and money. according to my new knowledge' should be 'and it will help me to save time and money. According to my new knowledge'.
  • Work on sentence variety by incorporating complex sentences with subordinate clauses to demonstrate a wider grammatical range.
  • Avoid sentence fragments and ensure each sentence has a clear subject and verb, such as 'I know specific data and I am up to date about the subject' could be revised for clarity.

Task Achievement7.0

The letter addresses the task by expressing appreciation for the guest speaker's presentation, describing the enjoyment and impact of the presentation on the writer. However, it lacks a formal structure and completeness in fully addressing all parts of the task prompt effectively.

Recommendations:

  • Expand on the introduction to clearly establish who you are and the specific reason for writing, to provide context for the speaker.
  • Provide more specific examples of what aspects of the presentation were impressive and how they specifically benefited your project to enhance the description and impact sections.
  • Ensure the letter follows a formal letter structure, including a proper salutation and closing, to meet the task requirements for a formal letter.
GRADED
6.5
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:7.0
Band Score:6.5
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement7
Complete response7
Clear & comprehensive ideas7
Relevant & specific examples7
Appropriate word count7
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