BAND 8.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: REVIEWING A RESTAURANT EXPERIENCE - IMPROVING FOOD AND SERVICES

Explore this band 8.0 IELTS essay sample written by Max Sullivan. Learn from his experience of expressing disappointment with a restaurant service in an organized and effective manner - a perfect reference for those seeking to improve their IELTS writing skills.

Writing Task

You recently visited a local restaurant with your family to celebrate your father's birthday. However, you were not satisfied with the food and services provided. Write a letter to the restaurant manager, describing your experience. In your letter: - Explain the reason for your visit to the restaurant - Describe the issues you faced with the food and services - Suggest what improvements can be made to enhance the customer experience

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing this epistle to express my utmost disappointment with the food and services provided by your esteemed restaurant. Highlighting the scenario, I decided to organize my father's 75th birthday party last week on the 5th of July at your restaurant owing to the splendid reviews it had garnered online. Apart from this, one of the workers at your place is my neighbour and she recommended the place to me. While skeptical at first I decided to go ahead with your place and gave it a shot. To my absolute horror, it turned out to be a disastrous decision for me. Firstly, the delicacies were totally bland and absolutely tasteless. Additionally, most of the dishes on the menu were unavailable and my guests had to settle with their second choices. Moreover, the service was extremely slow and at times even the food was cold. To cap it all off, the restaurant forgot to bake the cake! I mean what could be worse? Consequently, I had to bear extreme embarrassment in front of my guests. Never in my life have I experienced such a laid-back service. With such an unhappy experience, I would be of a suggestion that you should make sure all things are in order at least a day prior to the booking. The waiters should be briefed and trained precisely to be swift and make sure the food is served hot. Looking forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully, Max Sullivan
Words: 248Paragraphs: 3
Submitted: 7/12/2023, 12:48 PM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay demonstrates a fair level of coherence and cohesion, with a logical structure and clear progression of ideas. However, there are areas where the flow could be improved for better readability and clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid abrupt transitions between sentences or ideas, such as the sudden mention of the cake issue. Introduce it with a linking phrase to maintain a smooth narrative.
  • Use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas and sentences smoothly, such as 'Firstly', 'Moreover', 'Additionally', 'Consequently', and 'To cap it all off' which are already used effectively. Consider adding more such as 'Secondly', 'Furthermore', 'In addition', or 'Lastly' to enhance the flow.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea. The paragraph about the issues faced could be split into two: one focusing on the food issues and another on service issues, to maintain clarity and focus.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay displays a reasonable range of vocabulary with some attempts at more advanced language, such as 'epistle', 'utmost disappointment', and 'splendid reviews'. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and repetition that affect the clarity and precision of the message, such as 'absolute horror', 'delicacies were totally bland', and 'extreme embarrassment'.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more idiomatic expressions and collocations to make the language sound more natural.
  • Expand the range of vocabulary by using more varied and precise words to describe experiences and emotions, avoiding repetition.
  • Work on using advanced vocabulary naturally and appropriately to enhance clarity and sophistication.

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a good attempt at using a range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and varied sentence lengths. However, there are several grammatical inaccuracies that affect the overall coherence and clarity of the message.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid unnecessary complexity in sentence structure that may lead to awkward phrasing, such as 'To cap it all off, the restaurant forgot to bake the cake!' which could be simplified for clarity.
  • Use more precise language to avoid ambiguity, such as 'most of the dishes on the menu were unavailable' could specify which dishes were unavailable for better clarity.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement in sentences, such as 'I would be of a suggestion' which should be 'I would suggest'.
  • Use appropriate tense consistently. For example, 'I decided to organize' should maintain past tense consistency with 'I decided to organize my father's 75th birthday party last week'.

Task Achievement6.0

The letter fulfills the task achievement criteria by addressing all required points: the reason for the visit, the issues faced, and suggestions for improvement. The writer clearly states the purpose of the visit, describes the problems with the food and services, and provides suggestions for enhancing customer experience. The letter maintains a formal tone and directly addresses the restaurant manager.

Recommendations:

  • Include more specific examples or details to strengthen the description of issues, such as naming specific dishes that were unavailable or describing the extent of service delays.
  • Ensure that each part of the task is equally developed. The letter could benefit from a more detailed explanation of the suggestions for improvement to balance the description of issues.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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