BAND 7.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: WRITING A COMPLAINT LETTER FOR FAULTY ELECTRONICS - ISSUES DESCRIPTION AND REFUND REQUEST

Explore a band 7.5 score IELTS essay sample penned by our user, Behazin Jafari Jei. This complaint letter to a tech company covers issues with a new phone, offering an excellent example of the English proficiency required to achieve a high IELTS score. Read, learn, and improve your IELTS writing skills.

Writing Task

You recently purchased a piece of electronic equipment from a local store. However, you discovered that the product does not work as advertised, and there are some issues with its functionality. Write a letter to the store manager informing them about the situation. In your letter: - Explain the product you purchased and when you bought it - Describe the issues you have encountered with the product - Request for an exchange or a refund for the faulty product

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

Dear Sir/Madam, I’m writing due to my latest purchase of the brand new phone which I bought on October 6th from the London Hp mobile Tech support. Despite the fact that I was so enthused by the advertisements on the social media it does not function as well as it should be. Although, the design and structure of the phone is presided not only there are problems with internet connection but also it does not meet the expectations of high speed touch keyboard. Moreover, the rotating system does not work properly as laying down while working it may cause break down of the screen after couple of hours. I would like to propose that due to your customer service policies It would be preferable for me to change my phone or a money return could be an acceptable alternative. Thank you for you attention to this important matter. Kind regards, Behazin Jafari Jei
Words: 153Paragraphs: 6
Submitted: 7/21/2023, 05:44 PM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The letter is structured with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which aids in guiding the reader through the content. However, there are some issues with the logical progression of ideas and the use of cohesive devices, which affects the overall coherence and cohesion.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid abrupt shifts in topics within paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a single aspect, such as product description, issues, or request for resolution.
  • Ensure logical progression of ideas by clearly linking each paragraph to the next. For example, after introducing the product, transition smoothly to the specific issues encountered.
  • Use more cohesive devices to connect sentences and ideas. For instance, using phrases like 'Firstly,' 'In addition,' or 'Furthermore' can help in listing the issues more clearly.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with some attempts at using less common lexical items. However, there are inaccuracies and occasional awkwardness in word choice and collocation.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid repetition of words like 'phone' by using synonyms or rephrasing to maintain lexical variety.
  • Use more precise and appropriate vocabulary to describe the issues with the product, such as 'malfunction', 'defective', or 'subpar performance' instead of phrases like 'does not function as well as it should be'.
  • Improve the use of collocations and phrases, for example, 'enthused by the advertisements' could be 'impressed by the advertisements'.
  • Ensure accurate word forms and usage, such as 'money return' should be 'refund' and 'presided' is incorrect in context, possibly meaning 'praised' or 'highlighted'.

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a moderate range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences, although there are noticeable errors in tense usage, subject-verb agreement, and article usage.

Recommendations:

  • Vary sentence structures more by incorporating additional complex and compound sentences to enhance grammatical range.
  • Review tense consistency throughout the letter, ensuring past tense is used correctly for actions completed in the past, such as 'I bought' instead of 'I buy'.
  • Improve subject-verb agreement, particularly in sentences like 'the design and structure of the phone is presided', which should be 'are praised'.
  • Use articles correctly, such as 'a couple of hours' instead of 'couple of hours', and 'a refund' instead of 'money return'.

Task Achievement6.0

The letter addresses the task prompt by identifying the product, describing the issues, and requesting a resolution, but lacks clarity and specificity in some areas.

Recommendations:

  • Provide more specific details about the product, such as the model name or number, to clearly identify the item in question.
  • Clarify the description of the issues with the product by providing specific examples of how the product fails to meet expectations.
  • Ensure that the request for an exchange or refund is clearly stated and directly linked to the issues described, possibly by citing relevant customer service policies if applicable.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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