BAND 7.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: IMPROVING PROFESSIONAL CONFERENCE EXPERIENCE | FEEDBACK & SUGGESTIONS

Find valuable IELTS band 7.5 essay samples penned by experienced writers. This specific example discusses the issues faced at a professional conference venue and offers insightful suggestions. Ideal resource for aspiring biomedical engineers and QA professionals looking to improve their IELTS writing score.

Writing Task

You recently attended a professional conference held in a different city and noticed that the conference venue had several issues that impacted your experience negatively. Write a letter to the conference organizer to inform them about the problems you encountered. In your letter, include: - An introduction of yourself and what you do - A description of the issues you faced at the venue - Suggestions on how they could improve the conference experience in the future

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

Dear Sir/ Madam, I am writing to express my disappointment regarding your professional conference venue. I am a biomedical engineer and I work in a Quality Assurance team of a medical equipment company. Firstly, I came to the conference on time and I was hoping it to be held at the time on the invitation. However, we waited for a quite long time to start. So, it was very unpleasant and inconvenient. Moreover, in the middle of conference, the sound quality dropped and after a few minutes the sound was cut off we could not hear the speech properly. These issues greatly impacted my experience regarding to your descent conference, as I was distracted by the bad quality sound and I missed some interesting topics of which I was extremely passionate about. I have a few suggestion to improve the quality of your conference in the future time. First, please make sure all the representatives and cooperators have been organized for holding the event on time. as many people have made a plan for their participation. Besides, a regular sound check and auditing before start could be an appropriate remedy to ensure that all the sounding equipment work in an optimal condition. As a passionate guest, I would expect more high quality event for my next participation. I am pretty sure taking these consideration into account will help maintaining very great experience for your audiences in the future and will maintain your well-reputation. Yours faithfully, Saba Fakhrou
Words: 247Paragraphs: 3
Submitted: 7/19/2023, 02:54 AM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay generally follows a logical structure, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the transitions between ideas are occasionally abrupt, and some sentences lack clear connections, which can disrupt the flow of the text.

Recommendations:

  • Consider using more varied sentence structures to enhance the flow and readability of the essay.
  • Use linking words and phrases more effectively to connect ideas and sentences, such as 'Furthermore', 'In addition', or 'Therefore'.
  • Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that the paragraphs are clearly linked to each other.

Lexical Resource6.5

The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary with some attempts at using less common lexical items. However, there are several instances of incorrect word choices and awkward expressions, which affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Use a variety of linking words and phrases to enhance the coherence of your writing.
  • Expand your vocabulary by learning synonyms and context-specific words to avoid repetition and enhance expression.
  • Pay attention to collocations and ensure that word combinations are natural and appropriate for the context.
  • Proofread your work to identify and correct awkward expressions and incorrect word choices.

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including both simple and complex sentences. However, there are frequent errors in grammar and punctuation that impact clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Focus on ensuring consistent tense usage throughout the essay to maintain clarity.
  • Improve punctuation usage, especially with commas and periods, to enhance sentence clarity.
  • Practice using a wider range of complex grammatical structures to improve sentence variety and sophistication.
  • Review subject-verb agreement, particularly in complex sentences, to ensure grammatical accuracy.

Task Achievement6.0

The letter addresses the task prompt by introducing the writer, describing the issues faced at the conference, and providing suggestions for improvement. However, it lacks some clarity and detail in parts, which affects the overall task achievement.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that the suggestions for improvement are clearly linked to the problems described, providing more detailed and feasible solutions.
  • Enhance the introduction by providing a clearer context of the writer's role and the importance of the conference to their professional interests.
  • Provide more specific details about the issues encountered, such as the duration of the delay and the specific impact of the sound issues on the sessions attended.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.5
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6.5
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation7
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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