BAND 7.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: HOW TO WRITE A CONVINCING LETTER FOR NOT ATTENDING A HOUSEWARMING PARTY

Explore a high-quality Band 7.5 IELTS essay sample written by expert Mehdi. Discover how to format an IELTS essay, offering details of hypothetical situations and showcasing advanced vocabulary. Perfect for IELTS aspirants looking to improve their writing skills and understanding of IELTS grading.

Writing Task

You recently received a letter from a friend, who has just moved to a new apartment in a different city. Your friend is organizing a housewarming party and has invited you to attend. However, you will not be able to join the party due to some urgent work commitments. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter, you should: - Express your happiness for their new apartment - Explain the reasons you cannot attend the party - Suggest a plan for visiting your friend in their new apartment in the future

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

Dear Tom, I am exhilarated to find out that you bought a new house in the city of Birmingham and recently moved to your new Apartment. I hope you enjoy your living in this new apartment. Also I want to thank you for the invitation to housewarming party for your new house. Unfortunately I should let you know that I am preoccupied at Thursday 27th of July, I should Travel to Sydney Australia to attend a work related seminar and I will there for at least 4 days and Ill be back up to 1st of August. If you like we can catch up later maybe next week Thursday or Friday, your call. I would be very glad to see your new apartment and spend some time together. also if you like we could surf neighborhood together to visit neighborhood and surf some bars, cafes, ... Please let me know if its convenient for you. Regards, Mehdi
Words: 157Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/23/2023, 12:13 PM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The letter generally follows a logical structure, with clear paragraphs addressing the task requirements. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother, and there are instances of abrupt shifts in topics.

Recommendations:

  • Consider using more varied cohesive devices to enhance the flow of the letter, such as 'In addition,' 'Moreover,' or 'On the other hand' to indicate contrast or addition.
  • Use linking words or phrases to connect ideas more smoothly, such as 'First of all,' 'Furthermore,' or 'As a result,' especially when transitioning between expressing happiness and explaining your inability to attend.
  • Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea or topic. For example, separate the expression of happiness for the new apartment from the explanation about not attending the party.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a range of vocabulary, but there are areas where word choice could be more precise and varied to enhance the overall lexical resource.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more descriptive language to express feelings and intentions, such as 'eager to catch up' rather than just 'catch up later'.
  • Use more varied and precise vocabulary to express ideas. For example, instead of 'exhilarated', consider 'thrilled' or 'delighted' for a more natural tone.
  • Avoid repetition by using synonyms or rephrasing. For instance, instead of repeating 'new apartment', use 'new place' or 'new home' in some instances.
  • Ensure correct usage of collocations. Instead of 'surf neighborhood', use 'explore the neighborhood' to convey the intended meaning more accurately.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates some control over grammatical structures but contains several errors and lacks variety in sentence structures.

Recommendations:

  • Pay attention to subject-verb agreement errors, such as 'I hope you enjoy your living' which should be 'I hope you enjoy living'. This will help improve clarity.
  • Use correct verb forms and tenses, such as 'I should Travel' which should be 'I will be traveling'. This will help convey the correct meaning.
  • Ensure proper punctuation and capitalization, such as 'Also I want to thank you' should be 'Also, I want to thank you' and 'also if you like' should be 'Also, if you like'. Consistent use of punctuation enhances readability.
  • Correct the misuse of articles and prepositions. For example, 'to housewarming party' should be 'to the housewarming party' and 'surf neighborhood' should be 'explore the neighborhood'.
  • Improve sentence variety by incorporating complex and compound sentences. For instance, instead of 'Unfortunately I should let you know that I am preoccupied at Thursday 27th of July,' you could write, 'Unfortunately, I must inform you that due to a prior commitment on Thursday, 27th July, I will be unable to attend.'

Task Achievement6.0

The letter addresses all parts of the task prompt: expressing happiness for the friend's new apartment, explaining why the writer cannot attend the party, and suggesting a future visit. However, the explanation lacks depth and clarity in some areas, which affects the overall task achievement.

Recommendations:

  • Enhance the expression of happiness for the friend's new apartment by including specific details or sentiments about the new move.
  • Provide more detailed reasons for not attending the party, such as explaining the importance of the seminar in Sydney and how it conflicts with the party date.
  • Clarify the suggested plan for visiting, including specific dates and activities, to make it more concrete and actionable.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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