BAND 7.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: WRITING CUSTOMER COMPLAIN LETTER FOR DAMAGED PACKAGE ONLINE - GUIDELINES & TIPS

Review a Band 7.0 IELTS essay sample. This letter complaint discusses a negative experience when an order from a renowned food department got delivered poorly. Learn how to logically convey dissatisfaction and suggest improvements for customer satisfaction.

Writing Task

You recently ordered a package online, but it arrived damaged. Write a letter to the company's customer service department. In your letter: - Describe the damage to the package and its contents - Explain how this has affected you - Suggest what you would like the company to do to resolve the situation

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

Dear Manager, I recently invited my intimate relatives and rather than cooking by myself I preferred to order prepared food like snacks and pizza from your department, but, unfortunately, after getting the food from Uber I realized the packages of the food were mashed badly. Furthermore, the food also was deformed. I was embarrassed in front of my guests. As I have been ordering food for the last five years from your department I did not expect any flaw related to the package delivery. After seeing and opening the package, I was shocked actually, and it ruined my wonderful party as a whole. It would be better if the department set a program to obtain feedback from customers at times to correct the flaws and improve their deliverablity, and in such incidents, the company should obligate themselves to refund a proportion of the whole price to the customers. Yours sincerely
Words: 150Paragraphs: 5
Submitted: 7/19/2023, 06:08 AM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay presents a logical sequence of ideas, beginning with the problem, its impact, and a suggested resolution. However, the transitions between sentences and ideas could be smoother, and the organization can be improved for better clarity and flow.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one, maintaining a clear progression of ideas.
  • Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow between ideas, such as 'Firstly', 'Furthermore', 'As a result', and 'In conclusion'.
  • Organize the content into clear paragraphs, with each paragraph focusing on a specific part of the task: describing the damage, explaining the impact, and suggesting a resolution.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary used to convey the message, but there are some inaccuracies and repetitive language that affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Pay attention to collocations and word forms. For example, 'deliverablity' should be 'deliverability,' and 'obligate themselves' could be more naturally expressed as 'commit to.'
  • Expand your vocabulary related to customer service and complaints to express ideas more precisely. For example, instead of 'mashed badly,' you could use 'severely damaged' or 'crushed.'
  • Avoid repetition by using synonyms or alternative expressions. For instance, instead of repeating 'department,' you could use 'company' or 'service team.'
  • Use more specific adjectives to describe the impact on you, such as 'disappointed' or 'let down,' to convey your feelings more vividly.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and passive constructions. However, there are several errors in verb tense usage, sentence structure, and article usage that affect the clarity and accuracy of the writing.

Recommendations:

  • Pay attention to article usage. For example, 'a proportion of the whole price' is correct, but 'the packages of the food' could be more naturally phrased as 'the food packages.'
  • Ensure consistent use of verb tenses, especially in describing past events. For example, 'I was embarrassed' is correctly in past tense, but 'the food also was deformed' could be improved to 'the food was also deformed.'
  • Improve sentence structure to avoid run-on sentences. For instance, the first sentence could be divided into two: 'I recently invited my intimate relatives. Rather than cooking myself, I preferred to order prepared food like snacks and pizza from your department.'
  • Use more varied sentence structures to enhance grammatical range. For example, incorporating conditional sentences or more varied conjunctions can add complexity and interest to the writing.

Task Achievement6.0

The letter addresses the task prompt by describing the damage to the package and its contents, explaining the impact on the writer, and suggesting a resolution. However, the explanation of the damage and its impact could be more detailed, and the resolution could be more specific to the situation.

Recommendations:

  • Provide more specific details about the damage to the package and contents. For instance, describe the condition of the packaging and how the food was deformed.
  • Elaborate on how the damaged package affected the event or the writer's plans, such as detailing any inconvenience or additional costs incurred.
  • Suggest a specific resolution that directly addresses the issue, such as requesting a replacement of the damaged items or a full refund, rather than a general improvement suggestion.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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