BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: REVIEW AND SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVING ACCOMMODATION SERVICES AT CONFERENCES

Explore our page featuring a Band 6.5 IELTS essay sample where a guest expresses appreciation for an event and provides feedback to improve accommodation concerns about internet connectivity, comfort, and food service in a hotel setting. Useful for IELTS candidates for writing practice.

Writing Task

You recently attended a conference in a different city and the organizing team had made arrangements for your accommodation during your stay. Overall, you were satisfied with their services, but you faced a few issues with your hotel room. Write a letter to the event manager of the conference. In your letter: - Explain the situation and the conference you attended - Describe the issues you faced with your accommodation - Suggest how they can improve the arrangements for future events

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

Dear manager, First of all, I would like to appreciate you for the great reception that I as a guest could enjoy, secondly, for organizing such a great event, I hope to return your favor someday.however, I would prefer to express some concerns I have had about my accommodation recently with you as the organizer. An issue I suffered a lot from, was the poor internet connection in my room and asking the receptionist to solve the problem didn’t work for me. I also had difficulty sleeping due to the uncomfortable bed I was provided with.the last but not least point that I would like to share with you was not being delivered the food, I had to go the hotel restaurant everytime for a meal which was quite tiring for me due to the far distance between my bedroom and the restaurant. To make the long story short, here I want to thank you again and suggest you provide the rooms with a broad band and ask the hotel manager to consider changing the mattresses and pillows, also please ask the hotel manager to get the waiters to serve the food in rooms. Regards, MOHAMMAD
Words: 196Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/17/2023, 07:29 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.5

The essay has a basic structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the coherence and cohesion are affected by abrupt transitions and lack of clear paragraphing, which makes it difficult to follow the flow of ideas smoothly.

Recommendations:

  • Use referencing words like 'this', 'these issues', 'such problems' to avoid repetition and create smoother transitions between sentences and ideas.
  • Employ transition words and phrases such as 'Firstly', 'Additionally', 'Moreover', and 'Finally' to guide the reader through your points more clearly.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea, and that sentences within paragraphs are logically connected to enhance coherence.
  • Use clear paragraphing to separate the introduction, body, and conclusion for better structure and readability.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there are several instances where word choice is either incorrect or less precise. There are also some collocation errors and informal expressions that affect the overall lexical resource.

Recommendations:

  • Expand vocabulary range by using synonyms to avoid repetition, for example, using 'accommodation' and 'lodging' interchangeably.
  • Use more precise vocabulary to describe the issues, such as 'intermittent' instead of 'poor' for internet connection, and 'inconvenient' instead of 'tiring' for the distance to the restaurant.
  • Avoid informal expressions like 'make the long story short' and replace them with more formal equivalents like 'in conclusion' or 'to summarize'.
  • Pay attention to collocations, ensuring correct combinations such as 'broadband internet' instead of 'broad band'.

Grammatical Range5.5

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, with some complex sentences and appropriate use of conjunctions. However, there are several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Vary sentence structures to include more complex and compound sentences to enhance grammatical range.
  • Ensure proper punctuation in complex sentences to avoid run-on sentences. For example, 'I hope to return your favor someday.however, I would prefer...' should be 'I hope to return your favor someday. However, I would prefer...'.
  • Improve subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency. For instance, 'An issue I suffered a lot from, was the poor internet connection...' could be 'An issue I suffered from was the poor internet connection...'.
  • Use articles appropriately. For example, 'I had to go the hotel restaurant' should be 'I had to go to the hotel restaurant'.

Task Achievement6.0

The letter addresses all parts of the task, explaining the conference attended, describing the accommodation issues, and suggesting improvements. The writer clearly states their satisfaction with the overall event but highlights specific problems encountered with the hotel room, such as poor internet, an uncomfortable bed, and lack of room service. Suggestions for improvement are also provided, aligning well with the task requirements.

Recommendations:

  • Include a proper closing statement to enhance the formality and completeness of the letter, such as 'I look forward to your response' or 'Thank you for your attention to these matters.'
  • Ensure that each part of the task is developed with adequate detail. For example, provide more context about the conference itself or elaborate on how the issues impacted your overall experience.
  • Use more formal language and structure when addressing the event manager, as this is a formal letter. For instance, avoid conversational phrases like 'To make the long story short' and focus on clear, concise language.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.5
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:5.5
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion5.5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range5.5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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