BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: RELOCATION EXPERIENCE AND INVITATION - DETAILED LETTER TO A FRIEND

Discover a sample IELTS essay with a band 6.5 score. Learn how to express personal experiences, such as moving to a new apartment due to strict family settings. This sample can be a useful guide for your IELTS essay writing task.

Writing Task

You have recently moved to a new apartment. Write a letter to your friend telling them about the move. In your letter, include: - The reason for your move - A brief description of your new apartment - An invitation to visit you

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

Dear Stacy, It has been a while since our last hang-out. How is your recent life? Are your children healthy and be nice to their parents? I am actually in an extraordinarily good mood these days due to the fact that I have finally decided to move to my new apartment. The reason why I moved out was because of my father, he was so strict in daily routine that I found it was hard to even breath under that roof. So, I have come to the decision of moving out. My new apartment is so beautiful. It is decorated with many species of plants, together with a lovely neighborhood. I am moving in in next month, would you mind to come and give me a hand? It would be so appreciated and we can have a tea time together after the session. Call me if you decide to come. Love you, Hoc
Words: 153Paragraphs: 5
Submitted: 7/16/2023, 09:45 AM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence and cohesion with some logical flow between ideas. However, there are areas where the connection between sentences and paragraphs could be improved for better clarity and smoothness.

Recommendations:

  • Use more cohesive devices such as connectors or transition words to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs. For example, use 'Firstly', 'Secondly', 'Moreover', or 'Additionally' to introduce new ideas or details.
  • Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and is clearly linked to the next paragraph. For instance, start the paragraph about the apartment with a linking phrase like 'As for my new apartment,' to make the transition smoother.
  • Improve the internal coherence within paragraphs by ensuring that each sentence logically follows from the previous one. For example, when discussing the reason for moving, ensure that the explanation directly follows from the stated reason.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a range of vocabulary with some attempts to use less common words and expressions. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, which can affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Expand your vocabulary range by learning synonyms and antonyms to avoid repetition, such as using 'breathe' instead of 'breath' in 'hard to even breath'.
  • Improve word choice by ensuring words are used in the correct context. For example, 'hang-out' could be replaced with 'get-together' or 'meet up' for a more natural expression.
  • Work on collocations and idiomatic expressions to enhance naturalness. For instance, 'healthy and be nice to their parents' can be revised to 'healthy and behaving well'.
  • Use more precise adjectives to describe feelings and settings. Instead of 'extraordinarily good mood,' consider 'elated' or 'overjoyed' for more impact.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and varied sentence types. However, there are noticeable errors in verb forms, articles, and prepositions that affect the overall grammatical accuracy.

Recommendations:

  • Use articles correctly, for instance, 'in an extraordinarily good mood' instead of 'in extraordinarily good mood'.
  • Improve preposition usage, like 'moving in next month' instead of 'moving in in next month'.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, such as 'are your children healthy and being nice' instead of 'are your children healthy and be nice'.
  • Avoid run-on sentences by breaking them into smaller, clearer sentences, for example, 'The reason why I moved out was because of my father. He was so strict...' instead of combining them.
  • Correct verb forms and tenses, such as changing 'be nice' to 'being nice' and 'breath' to 'breathe'.

Task Achievement7.0

The letter addresses all parts of the prompt by explaining the reason for the move, describing the new apartment, and extending an invitation to visit. However, the reason for moving could be more clearly connected to the decision to move, and the description of the new apartment could be expanded to provide more detail.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure the invitation is clear and includes specific details about when the friend can visit and what they can expect during the visit.
  • Clarify the reason for moving by providing more context or details about the situation with the father and how it led to the decision to move.
  • Expand the description of the new apartment by including more details such as the size, number of rooms, or specific features that make it appealing.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:7.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement7
Complete response7
Clear & comprehensive ideas7
Relevant & specific examples7
Appropriate word count7
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