BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: EFFECTIVE LETTER WRITING ON SUBSTANDARD PROFESSIONAL TRAINING

Explore our comprehensive Band 6.5 IELTS essay sample expressing dissatisfaction about a training course. Learn effective ways to voice concerns and suggestions, essential for scoring high in IELTS writing tasks. Upgrade your IELTS writing skills with us!

Writing Task

You recently attended a professional training course which you found out to be ineffective and not up to the expected standards. Write a letter to the course organizer expressing your dissatisfaction. In your letter, you should: - Describe the course you took and when you took it - Explain the issues you faced during the training - Suggest improvements that can be made for future courses

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to express my dissatisfaction about my last training course that I attended in you institute. The course was about construction management and was aimed to bring high-level of management skills for attendance. I registered for the course two months ago and enthusiastically had been waiting for it. Unfortunately, the subjects and material which had been chosen were old and not updated. Furthermore, the instructors were not resourceful and mostly could not answer to attendance's quarries. It had negatively affected the quality of the program. I believe this poor events would be bad for the institute reputation. I strongly believe with this hectic pace of scientific developments you must keep your instructor up to date. More scientific materials can have more added value for this kind of programs. I look forward to see how do you address this negative point. I look forward of hearing from you. Yours faithfully, Mojtaba Nosrati.
Words: 157Paragraphs: 2
Submitted: 7/18/2023, 06:13 AM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence and cohesion, with a clear structure comprising an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, there are issues with paragraphing and the logical flow of ideas. The letter does not effectively guide the reader through the points raised, and some ideas are not well connected.

Recommendations:

  • Use clear paragraphing to separate different ideas or sections of the letter. For example, dedicate one paragraph to describing the course, another to explaining the issues, and a separate one for suggestions.
  • Improve the use of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly. For example, use 'Firstly', 'Secondly', 'In addition', or 'Furthermore' to introduce new points.
  • Clarify pronoun references to avoid confusion, such as 'attendance's quarries', which should be 'participants' queries', to maintain clarity and coherence.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph, helping the reader understand the progression of the letter.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary, with some attempts at more complex words and phrases, but there are errors and awkward usages that affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Review the use of prepositions and articles, as in 'in you institute' which should be 'in your institute' and 'the institute reputation' which should be 'the institute's reputation'.
  • Expand your vocabulary related to the subject matter, such as 'ineffective', 'outdated', 'innovative', and 'cutting-edge', to replace vague terms like 'old' and 'not updated'.
  • Practice using a wider range of synonyms to avoid repetition, such as using 'participants' instead of 'attendance' and 'course content' instead of 'subjects and material'.
  • Pay attention to word choice and collocations. For example, 'attendance's quarries' should be 'attendees' queries', and 'more scientific materials' could be better expressed as 'more current and relevant materials'.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures with some attempts at complex sentences. However, there are noticeable grammatical errors that affect clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Use appropriate tense consistently, such as changing 'I registered for the course two months ago and enthusiastically had been waiting for it' to 'I registered for the course two months ago and had been waiting for it enthusiastically.'
  • Improve the use of articles, for example, 'the attendance's quarries' should be 'the attendees' queries.'
  • Correct prepositional errors, such as 'answer to attendance's quarries' which should be 'answer attendees' queries.'
  • Maintain consistent use of formal tone and proper sentence structure, such as 'look forward of hearing' should be 'look forward to hearing.'
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement, particularly in phrases like 'my last training course that I attended in you institute' which should be 'your institute.'
  • Avoid incorrect forms and ensure pluralization, for instance, 'this poor events' should be 'these poor events.'

Task Achievement6.0

The essay addresses the task prompt by describing the course, explaining the issues, and suggesting improvements, but lacks some clarity and specific details.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that the letter format is consistent, with clear paragraphing to separate different parts of the response.
  • Provide specific details about the course content and the exact nature of the outdated materials to enhance clarity and specificity.
  • Include specific examples of the instructors' shortcomings or specific instances where they failed to address queries to strengthen the explanation of issues.
  • Offer concrete suggestions for improvement, such as specific modern topics or training methods that could be included in future courses.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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