BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: APPRECIATION LETTER FOR PROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT WORKSHOP - TIPS & GUIDELINES

Improve your IELTS writing skills with our band 6.5 score sample essay. This well-crafted piece highlights a workplace situation, informative workshop experience, and the use of state-of-the-art appliance like the Swaco panel. Perfect model for aspiring IELTS candidates.

Writing Task

You recently attended a professional development workshop in another city, which was organized by your company. Write a letter to the workshop organizer to express your appreciation for the event. In your letter: - Describe the workshop and how it was helpful to you - Mention one specific aspect of the event that impressed you the most - Suggest any improvements for future workshops

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

Dear Manager, I would like to thank the organization for performing such a mandatory workshop. As I expected, the workshop was pertinent to my exact operational job; other than that, the precise date, time, and place of implementing the workshop was also flawless and convenient. Furthermore, since it was about how to use the Swaco panel in order to tackle the influx, it was a personally so beneficial event. Working with the most cutting- age appliances, for instance, the Swaco panel, expressed me the most. Because all of the previous workshops presented non-related pieces of equipment and were old-fashioned, they were not practical for any staff who worked on the rigs. I hope such workshops are more performed in the upcoming future and are utilizing the most related and state-of-the-art appliances in order to meet the staff's needs. That would boost the whole efficiency of the company. yours sincerely, Bakhtiar Hassni
Words: 151Paragraphs: 5
Submitted: 7/19/2023, 07:40 AM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay exhibits a basic level of coherence and cohesion. There is a clear structure with paragraphs that logically follow the task prompt, but transitions between ideas are not always smooth, and some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which affects the overall flow.

Recommendations:

  • Use cohesive devices more effectively to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs. For example, instead of 'Because all of the previous workshops...', use 'This was particularly impressive because all of the previous workshops...' to create a smoother transition.
  • Vary sentence structures to avoid repetitive patterns and enhance readability. For example, instead of 'Working with the most cutting-age appliances, for instance, the Swaco panel, expressed me the most.', try 'I was particularly impressed by the opportunity to work with cutting-edge appliances like the Swaco panel.'
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that supporting sentences directly relate to it. For instance, the second paragraph could be more focused on what specifically made the Swaco panel impressive.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to the workshop and professional development, but there are instances of awkward phrasing and incorrect word choices.

Recommendations:

  • Use 'state-of-the-art equipment' instead of 'state-of-the-art appliances' for more precise vocabulary in a professional context.
  • Replace 'performing such a mandatory workshop' with 'organizing such an essential workshop' to better convey appreciation and necessity.
  • Use 'cutting-edge' instead of 'cutting-age' to correctly describe advanced technology.
  • Change 'expressed me the most' to 'impressed me the most' for correct expression of impact.
  • Consider using synonyms or varied expressions for 'workshop' to avoid repetition, such as 'session' or 'event.'

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and some passive voice usage, but there are noticeable errors that affect clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Use more varied sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical competency, such as conditional sentences or different types of adverbial clauses.
  • Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, as seen in 'expressed me the most' which should be 'impressed me the most.'
  • Improve sentence structure by ensuring complete sentences. For example, 'Because all of the previous workshops...' should be connected to the main clause to avoid sentence fragments.
  • Be cautious with the use of articles and prepositions, as in 'a personally so beneficial event,' which could be revised to 'a personally very beneficial event.'
  • Enhance the use of complex sentence structures and conjunctions to improve coherence, such as combining 'Working with the most cutting-edge appliances...' with the following sentence for better flow.

Task Achievement6.0

The letter addresses the task prompt by expressing appreciation for the workshop, describing its relevance, highlighting a specific impressive aspect, and suggesting improvements. The writer clearly outlines how the workshop was beneficial and provides a suggestion for future workshops, fulfilling the task requirements.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure all parts of the prompt are fully developed; consider adding more detail to the suggestion for future improvements to provide a clearer picture of the desired changes.
  • Provide more specific details about how the workshop was helpful. For example, mention a particular skill or knowledge gained that will directly impact your job performance.
  • Expand on the specific aspect that impressed you most by explaining why it was impressive and how it differed from previous experiences.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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