BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ADDRESSING E-COMMERCE DISCREPANCIES & SEEKING RESOLUTION - ONLINE SHOPPING EXPERIENCE

Improve your IELTS writing skills with our band 6.5 score sample essay. Learn how to express dissatisfaction and request an online shopping exchange efficiently and politely. Great resource for IELTS and ESL students.

Writing Task

You recently purchased a product online, but when it arrived, you found that the product did not match the description on the website. Write a letter to the online store's customer service department. In your letter: - Explain what you purchased and why it was unsatisfactory - Describe the differences between the product you received and the one described on the website - Request an appropriate solution to the issue (e.g., a replacement, refund, or exchange)

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

Dear Sir/Madam Hope you are doing well. My name is Mitra Dekal, I am writing to you regarding a recent online shopping that I had, on July 15th, 2023. I bought a pair of Petit pants from your online shop. I chose that product because of specifically the height of the pants, which I don't have to make any alterations. Unfortunately, when I have received them, the length of the pants was as the regular pants, and if I want to wear them, I have to pay $30 to a tailor to cut them for me, which could be more expensive for me . As I am a regular customer of your good quality products, I request to exchange them with one of the Petit pants you sell online. If you need more information please do not hesitate to contact me, my phone number is 678-567-123, and my email address is Mitra, ghdt@yahoo. Com Best Regards, Mitra
Words: 157Paragraphs: 6
Submitted: 7/22/2023, 10:52 PM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The letter is generally coherent and follows a logical structure, but there are areas where cohesion could be improved, particularly in linking sentences and ideas more effectively.

Recommendations:

  • Improve the use of cohesive devices to avoid repetition. For example, instead of saying 'I bought a pair of Petit pants from your online shop' and 'I chose that product', use pronouns or synonyms to maintain clarity without repetition.
  • Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas and sentences more smoothly. For example, use words like 'however', 'therefore', and 'furthermore' to show contrast or continuation of ideas.
  • Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and flows logically from one to the next. Consider starting paragraphs with topic sentences to guide the reader.
  • Ensure that all parts of the task are covered in a balanced way. The explanation of the discrepancy and the request for an exchange should be clearly delineated and connected to the main issue described.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary relevant to the context of online shopping and customer service. However, there are several instances of basic word choices and some repetition that limit the lexical range.

Recommendations:

  • Use more precise adjectives to describe the product and the issue, for example, 'mismatched' instead of 'unsatisfactory' and 'tailored' instead of 'cut'.
  • Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to describe the issue more vividly, such as using synonyms for 'purchased' like 'acquired' or 'procured', and 'unsatisfactory' like 'discrepant' or 'inadequate'.
  • Avoid repetition of words like 'pants' by using alternatives such as 'trousers' or 'garment' to enhance lexical variety.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, with some attempts at complex sentences. However, there are noticeable errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and punctuation, which affect clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Practice using a variety of sentence structures, including more complex sentences to show a wider grammatical range. For example, 'I chose that product because of specifically the height of the pants, which I don't have to make any alterations,' could be restructured for clarity.
  • Review and practice using correct verb tenses, particularly the present perfect tense for actions that have relevance to the present moment. For example, 'when I have received them' should be 'when I received them.'
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement is consistent throughout the letter. For instance, 'the length of the pants was as the regular pants' should be 'the length of the pants was like the regular pants.'
  • Pay attention to punctuation, especially with commas and periods, to improve sentence clarity. For example, 'which could be more expensive for me .' should not have a space before the period.

Task Achievement6.0

The letter adequately addresses the task by explaining the purchased item, the issue with it, and requesting a solution. However, some details are missing or unclear, such as a more precise description of the differences and the specific model of the replacement desired.

Recommendations:

  • Include a brief mention of any previous positive experiences with the store to strengthen your request for a replacement.
  • Clearly describe the differences between the received product and the one advertised, such as specific measurements or features that were inaccurate.
  • Specify the exact model or type of replacement you want to ensure clarity in your request.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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