BAND 6.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: WORKSHOP APPRECIATION LETTER - PROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT & IMPROVEMENT SUGGESTIONS

Improve your IELTS essay writing skills with our band 6.0 score essay samples. Explore this example on feedback and suggestions for professional workshop experiences, useful for IELTS General Training or academic writing tasks. Discover effective structures and vocabulary for letter writing.

Writing Task

You recently attended a professional development workshop in another city, which was organized by your company. Write a letter to the workshop organizer to express your appreciation for the event. In your letter: - Describe the workshop and how it was helpful to you - Mention one specific aspect of the event that impressed you the most - Suggest any improvements for future workshops

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

Dear Mr. Lee Firstly I'd like to thank you for the time you gave me to improve my capabilities, I always try to learn new things and find the ways that change my position in the work. I try to search in the websites and follow the pages which teach useful ways for better working on the social media. Therefore this workshop that I could speak to the people like me was an amazing time to find new friend and use their ethic sample in my way. The opportunity to comment on the discussing items was most positive aspect of the event to me. I tried to hear their comments and write notes for the days after workshop to avoid forgetting these gold comments. At the end I have some suggestions for future workshopes: 1- The number of attendants was really high and there was not enough time for all of them to share their comments. 2- If it is possible, inform the attendants 3 days in advance, so they can get ready for such a huge workshop. Yours sincerely Sdf
Words: 181Paragraphs: 3
Submitted: 7/23/2023, 10:51 AM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence and cohesion with a logical progression of ideas. The letter is structured into clear paragraphs corresponding to the points outlined in the prompt. However, the connections between sentences and ideas are sometimes weak, and there is a need for more cohesive devices to link ideas smoothly.

Recommendations:

  • Use more cohesive devices such as 'firstly', 'secondly', 'finally', and 'in addition' to guide the reader through your points and improve the flow of the letter.
  • Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea, and use linking words or phrases to connect sentences within the paragraphs to enhance readability.
  • Improve the transition between the introduction and the body of the letter by clearly stating the purpose of the letter early on.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary with some attempt to use less common expressions (e.g., 'improve my capabilities', 'use their ethic sample'). However, there are several inaccuracies and awkward phrases that affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Use more specific adjectives to describe experiences, for example, 'invaluable' instead of 'amazing' to convey a stronger sense of appreciation.
  • Work on collocation to ensure words are used in natural combinations, such as 'find new friends' instead of 'find new friend'.
  • Correct awkward phrases by practicing sentence construction, such as 'use their ethic sample in my way' to 'learn from their work ethic'.
  • Avoid repetition of words by using synonyms or rephrasing, such as replacing 'comments' with 'feedback' or 'input'.
  • Expand vocabulary to include more precise and varied expressions, particularly related to professional development and workshops.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple and compound sentences. There are several grammatical errors, particularly with verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and sentence fragments, which affect clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Pay attention to punctuation, particularly with the use of commas and periods, to separate ideas and clauses effectively.
  • Improve subject-verb agreement. For example, 'this workshop that I could speak to the people like me was an amazing time' should be 'this workshop, where I could speak to people like me, was an amazing experience.'
  • Avoid sentence fragments. For example, 'Therefore this workshop that I could speak to the people like me was an amazing time to find new friend and use their ethic sample in my way.' can be restructured for clarity.
  • Use a variety of complex sentences to enhance the grammatical range. For example, instead of 'The opportunity to comment on the discussing items was most positive aspect of the event to me,' use 'The opportunity to comment on the discussion items was the most positive aspect of the event for me, as it allowed me to engage with others and gain valuable insights.'
  • Ensure correct use of verb tenses to improve clarity. For example, 'I always try to learn new things and find the ways that change my position in the work' should be 'I always try to learn new things and find ways to improve my position at work.'

Task Achievement6.0

The letter addresses the task prompt by expressing appreciation for the workshop, describing its helpfulness, highlighting a specific aspect that impressed the writer, and suggesting improvements. However, the response lacks depth in describing how the workshop was helpful and could benefit from more specific examples or details.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that each part of the task prompt is fully addressed with sufficient detail to demonstrate a complete response to the task.
  • Provide specific examples of how the workshop helped improve your skills or knowledge, rather than general statements about meeting people.
  • Expand on the aspect that impressed you the most with more detail or examples to clearly convey its impact.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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