BAND 6.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: EFFECTIVE APPRECIATION LETTER WRITING AFTER ATTENDING AN INTERNATIONAL WORKSHOP

Explore our comprehensive IELTS essay sample with a band 6.0 score. Gain insights into effective writing strategies from a teacher's perspective, learn how to express appreciation and anticipation for professional events. Ideal for IELTS aspirants and educators.

Writing Task

You recently attended a workshop that was organized by an international company in your city. Write a letter to the company manager to express your gratitude for organizing the event. In your letter: - Introduce yourself and mention the details of the workshop - Explain what you enjoyed or learned during the workshop - Suggest any improvements for future workshops

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

Dear Sir, I am writing to inform my appreciation for the event. It was really appropriate ad suitable for me. I am one of the participants and enjoyed your workshops very much. Firstly, I would like to tell you that I learnt many experiences from the event especially for my job and career as a teacher. I am very interested to attend it again and share my experience to my other colleagues. Furthermore, I am also interested to attend any possible workshops in the near future. I hope that I can gain much again from the other events to improve myself. Finally, I want to thank your all teams for this event, hope that you could hold these workshops with different topics. I can also let my other friends to take part too. I also like to advice that the time be more until we can use it more and more. Yours faithfully, Abbas Hosseini
Words: 155Paragraphs: 4
Submitted: 7/17/2023, 04:20 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.5

The essay demonstrates a basic structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion, but lacks clear logical progression and cohesive devices. The ideas are not well-organized, and there is some repetition of ideas without clear connections.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure each sentence logically follows from the previous one, creating a smooth transition from one idea to the next.
  • Organize the content into distinct paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion to enhance clarity and flow.
  • Avoid repetition of ideas by ensuring each paragraph introduces a new point or expands on a previous one with additional detail.
  • Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas and sentences more effectively, such as 'Firstly', 'Secondly', 'In addition', 'Moreover', etc.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary with some errors in word choice and collocation, affecting clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Expand your vocabulary by learning synonyms and antonyms to avoid repetition and enhance expression.
  • Use more specific and varied adjectives to describe the workshop and your experiences to add depth to your writing.
  • Focus on correct word choice and collocation, such as 'learned many experiences' should be 'gained many insights'.
  • Ensure the use of correct prepositions, for example, 'share my experience to my other colleagues' should be 'share my experience with my other colleagues'.

Grammatical Range5.5

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors in sentence construction, verb forms, and article usage that affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Improve sentence structure by using complex sentences, such as combining 'I am very interested to attend it again' with 'and share my experience to my other colleagues' for better coherence.
  • Ensure correct use of articles, for instance, 'attend any possible workshops' should be 'attend any possible workshops in the future' to specify the time frame clearly.
  • Use conditional sentences accurately, such as 'hope that you could hold these workshops' to 'hope that you will hold more workshops' for a more precise future intention.
  • Correct preposition usage, such as changing 'share my experience to my other colleagues' to 'share my experience with my other colleagues.'
  • Correct verb forms such as 'learnt many experiences' to 'gained many insights' to properly convey the intended meaning.

Task Achievement6.0

The letter addresses all parts of the task prompt, expressing gratitude, sharing what was learned, and suggesting improvements. However, the details provided are somewhat vague, lacking specific information about the workshop and the experiences gained.

Recommendations:

  • Include specific details about the workshop, such as the name, date, or specific sessions attended, to provide a clearer context.
  • Elaborate on what was specifically learned during the workshop and how it is applicable to your job or career as a teacher to enhance clarity.
  • Provide more detailed suggestions for improvements, such as specific topics or logistical changes, to make the feedback more actionable.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.5
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:5.5
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion5.5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range5.5
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
Grade Your Essay