BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: WRITING A LETTER TO REPORT DEFECTIVE PRODUCT TO STORE MANAGER - ESSENTIAL TIPS & GUIDELINES

Explore our IELTS Band 5.5 essay sample discussing an issue with a newly purchased air fryer. This example provides insight on how to structure a complaint email, request resolution, and use key vocabulary relevant for IELTS test preparation.

Writing Task

You recently purchased a product from a local store, but when you got home, you found that the product is damaged. Write a letter to the store manager regarding the issue. In your letter, include: - a description of the purchased product - the problems you encountered with the product - what actions you expect the store to take

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

Dear Sir or madam, I am writing this email regarding some problems that i encountered with the newley bought product from your shop. Actually i purchased the last model of Filips air fryer which is a black one with model number 020897. This model offers many features and can be customized in setting. It is also mentioned in the booklet that can be connected to Wifi. The main reason behind my purchase was not only the cutting edge tecnology of it but also various features of thd product. However i could not harness the tecnology of it until now. Some features' icons do not function properly and the device turns off suddenly in the middle of cooking process. Morover my efforts in connecting it to wifi were futile. Inorder to resolve the problems i would be grateful if you could exchange this Air fryer with a new one becsuse of its malfunctions or refund my money. Should you have any further questions, i will be availabe to answer. I look forward hearing from you in the near future. With regards, Maha khada
Words: 182Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/20/2023, 10:52 AM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, there are issues with paragraphing and logical progression. The introduction directly addresses the issue but lacks a smooth transition to the description of the product. The body paragraphs are somewhat disjointed, with the description of the product and the problems encountered not clearly separated. The conclusion is concise but could be better linked to the previous content.

Recommendations:

  • Consider using cohesive devices like 'as a result' or 'therefore' to better connect ideas and show the relationship between the problem and the requested action.
  • Ensure clear paragraphing by separating the description of the product, the problems encountered, and the requested actions into distinct paragraphs.
  • Use linking words and phrases to improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs, such as 'Firstly', 'Moreover', 'In conclusion', etc.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic of purchasing and returning products. However, there are frequent spelling errors and some inappropriate word choices that affect clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure proper capitalization for brand names and product models, such as 'Philips' and 'Air Fryer', to maintain professionalism.
  • Use more precise vocabulary to describe the issues with the product, such as 'malfunctioning' instead of 'do not function properly', and 'intermittent' for 'turns off suddenly'.
  • Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary related to customer service and product issues, such as 'defective', 'reimbursement', 'exchange policy', and 'customer satisfaction'.
  • Focus on correct spelling of common words such as 'newly', 'Philips', 'technology', 'the', 'Moreover', 'because', and 'available'. Use spell check tools to catch these errors before finalizing the letter.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures with frequent errors in sentence construction, punctuation, and capitalization, affecting clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Proofread the letter to correct minor spelling errors, such as 'tecnology' instead of 'technology' and 'Morover' instead of 'Moreover'.
  • Use a wider variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, to enhance the grammatical range.
  • Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and correct verb forms, such as 'newly' instead of 'newley' and 'available' instead of 'availabe'.
  • Use punctuation correctly, especially with commas and periods, to separate clauses and enhance readability.
  • Ensure proper capitalization at the beginning of sentences and for proper nouns, such as 'I', 'Philips', and 'Wi-Fi'.

Task Achievement6.0

The letter addresses the task prompt by describing the purchased product, explaining the encountered problems, and suggesting actions for the store to take. However, it lacks some specificity and clarity, which affects the overall effectiveness of task achievement.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that all parts of the task are addressed with equal emphasis, particularly the description of the problems encountered, to improve the balance of the letter.
  • Provide a more detailed description of the product, including specific features that are malfunctioning, to give the store manager a clearer understanding of the issue.
  • Clearly state the exact model name and any other identifying details to avoid ambiguity.
  • Be explicit about the actions you expect from the store, such as specifying a deadline for the response or action, to ensure your expectations are clear.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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