BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: WRITING A CONSTRUCTIVE FEEDBACK LETTER POST COMPANY TRAINING COURSE EXPERIENCE

Browse through our comprehensive IELTS essay sample penned by a Band 6.5 scorer. Get insights into how to effectively critique services, with this example exploring issues faced during a training course stay at a hotel. From uncooperative staff to unclean rooms, gain key lessons on how to convey dissatisfaction and suggestions for improvement for future courses.

Writing Task

You recently attended a two-day training course organized by your company. The course was held at a different location, and you stayed in a hotel during the training. However, you faced several issues during your stay and the course. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter, you should: - Give details about the course you attended - Describe the problems you faced during the stay at the hotel - Suggest what improvements can be made for future courses

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.5 Scoring and Feedback

To manager, So I attended a two-day training course that was organized by the company which was held at a different location. The training course was fun and I learned a lot. Although, there are some problems that I would not want to experience again at during the stay at the hotel. The first problem I had faced during the stay was that hotel staff weren’t cooperating with the company and I think it waste my time and annoyed me which I also think other members that joined the training course felt the same. The second problem was that the rooms were very dirty and unclean. The hotel janitor did not put much effort on cleaning and it made my stay a lot worst. I couldn’t really sleep in a dirty bedsheets. I personally think that next time the company should arrange a better hotel for future courses. Hotel don’t need to be big or fancy, the hotel can just be clean with good services.
Words: 165Paragraphs: 2
Submitted: 7/17/2023, 02:48 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay presents the information in a generally logical order, with the writer following the task prompt structure. However, there are issues with paragraphing, linking words, and clarity in some parts, which affect the overall coherence and cohesion.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure each sentence is clear and logically follows the previous one. For example, avoid abrupt transitions like 'Although, there are some problems' without a clear link to the previous sentence.
  • Use clear paragraphing to separate different points. For instance, start a new paragraph when discussing the problems faced during the hotel stay and another for suggesting improvements.
  • Improve the use of linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly. For example, use 'Firstly', 'Secondly', 'In addition', or 'Moreover' to introduce problems or suggestions.
  • Avoid repetition and redundancy. For example, 'I think it waste my time and annoyed me which I also think other members...' can be simplified and clarified.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary appropriate for the task, but lacks variety and precision in word choice. There are instances of repetition and incorrect word forms, which affect the overall lexical resource score.

Recommendations:

  • Use more precise adjectives to describe experiences, such as 'uncooperative staff' instead of 'staff weren’t cooperating'.
  • Expand vocabulary related to hospitality and training courses to describe experiences more vividly and accurately.
  • Avoid repetition of words and phrases by using synonyms or rephrasing sentences for variety.
  • Ensure correct word forms are used, such as 'wasted' instead of 'waste' and 'worse' instead of 'worst' in the context provided.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates basic grammatical structures and some complex structures, but there are noticeable errors in sentence construction, verb tense, and agreement, which occasionally impede clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Practice using relative clauses more effectively to provide clearer descriptions and connections between ideas.
  • Improve sentence structure by using a variety of sentence types, including compound and complex sentences, to enhance readability and coherence.
  • Use articles correctly, as seen in errors like 'a dirty bedsheets' which should be 'dirty bedsheets' or 'a dirty bedsheet'.
  • Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency to avoid errors like 'hotel staff weren’t cooperating' and 'it waste my time'.

Task Achievement6.0

The letter addresses the task prompt by mentioning the course, the issues faced at the hotel, and a suggestion for improvement. However, it lacks specific details about the course content and the issues faced, which affects the clarity and completeness of the response.

Recommendations:

  • Provide more specific details about the training course, such as the topic, trainers, or objectives, to give the reader a clearer understanding of what the course entailed.
  • Expand on the suggestion for improvement by explaining why a clean hotel is important for the company and how it can positively impact future training experiences.
  • Describe the problems faced at the hotel with more specifics. For example, mention specific incidents or interactions that highlight the lack of cooperation from the hotel staff.
GRADED
5.5
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:5.5
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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