BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: LETTER TO CUSTOMER SERVICE FOR MISREPRESENTED ONLINE PRODUCT - TIPS AND GUIDE

Explore our band 6.5 IELTS essay sample where Mr. Green expresses his dissatisfaction over a poor-quality TV purchase. Discover how he effectively communicates his complaints and requests for a refund. Ideal for aspiring IELTS test-takers.

Writing Task

You recently purchased a product online, but when it arrived, you found that it was not as described on the website. Write a letter to the online store's customer service department. In your letter, include: - A description of the product you ordered. - The issues you found when the product arrived. - What actions you would like the customer service department to take to resolve the issue.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.5 Scoring and Feedback

Dear sir/madam I am writing to complain about poor quality of the latest version of your tv which I bought two weeks ago. After 1 day it was in use, display stopped working. I purchased it in the main branch which is located in the Central shopping center along a complete set of 3d-glasses. I was so happy to be able to watch 3D-movies. After being installed TV on the wall by your colleagues, when I tried to play a film, the first malfunction was appeared. Remote control did not work correctly. While I had been surprised by this matter, another problem was revealed. TV did not show any picture and we were unable use it since. Consequently, I tried to contact your representative by phone, unfortunately no one answered me. So, I had to go back your store and explain the issue to your staff. Your employee said that I would have to bring back TV and wait more than two weeks to check this problem with the technical department. After two weeks, they asked me wait and be patient. Finally, after four weeks, I was contacted by your representative. You can imagine how unhappy I was to discover the TV as I bought could not be repaired. As solution he offered me that I wait more than two weeks again to replace it. I am Very disappointed with your serious how I received. I insist on getting a refund of $1500 as soon as possible. Paul. I am looking forward to hearing you. Your faithfully Mr. Green
Words: 259Paragraphs: 2
Submitted: 7/21/2023, 05:38 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, there are issues with logical flow and paragraphing, which affect overall coherence and cohesion.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and logical progression. Use topic sentences to introduce the main point of each paragraph.
  • Avoid abrupt shifts in topics. For example, the transition from describing the product issue to contacting customer service could be smoother.
  • Improve the use of cohesive devices such as conjunctions and transitional phrases to connect ideas smoothly between and within paragraphs.
  • Ensure the letter maintains a consistent tone and style appropriate for formal communication, which aids in maintaining coherence.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, including some specific terms related to the product issue, such as '3D-movies,' 'malfunction,' and 'technical department.' However, there are several instances of incorrect word choice and awkward phrasing, which hinder clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Use more formal language appropriate for a complaint letter, such as 'I would appreciate' instead of 'I insist on.'
  • Use more precise and varied vocabulary to describe the issues and actions, such as replacing 'poor quality' with 'defective' or 'malfunctioning.'
  • Avoid repetition by using synonyms or rephrasing. For example, instead of repeating 'problem' and 'issue,' consider using terms like 'defect' or 'complication.'
  • Incorporate more linking words and phrases to improve coherence, such as 'furthermore,' 'in addition,' or 'as a result.'
  • Pay attention to word forms and collocations, such as changing 'serious how I received' to 'seriously disappointed with the service I received.'

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a moderate range of grammatical structures but contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Improve the use of linking words to enhance flow and coherence. For instance, use 'However' instead of 'While' in 'While I had been surprised by this matter, another problem was revealed.'
  • Use correct tense forms consistently. For example, 'After 1 day it was in use, display stopped working' should be 'After 1 day of use, the display stopped working.'
  • Avoid sentence fragments and ensure all sentences are complete. For example, 'As solution he offered me that I wait more than two weeks again to replace it' could be rephrased to 'As a solution, he offered that I wait more than two weeks again for a replacement.'
  • Use articles correctly. For example, 'After being installed TV on the wall' should be 'After the TV was installed on the wall.'
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement throughout the letter. For example, 'the first malfunction was appeared' should be 'the first malfunction appeared.'

Task Achievement6.0

The letter addresses the task prompt by describing the product ordered, the issues encountered, and the desired action from the customer service department. However, the letter lacks clarity in some areas and does not fully meet the task requirements as it does not clearly describe the product as it was described on the website.

Recommendations:

  • Use clear and concise language to describe the actions you want the customer service department to take.
  • Clearly describe the product as it was advertised on the website to establish a basis for your complaint.
  • Ensure that each point in the prompt is addressed with sufficient detail and clarity to fully achieve the task.
GRADED
5.5
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:5.5
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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