BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: FEEDBACK AND IMPROVEMENT SUGGESTIONS AFTER INEFFECTIVE PROFESSIONAL TRAINING COURSE

Explore our collection of IELTS Band 6.5 Essay Samples. Check out this sample essay discussing agricultural training courses, expectations vs reality in course content, focusing on agricultural equipment and methods. Ideal for IELTS Writing Task preparation.

Writing Task

You recently attended a professional training course which you found out to be ineffective and not up to the expected standards. Write a letter to the course organizer expressing your dissatisfaction. In your letter, you should: - Describe the course you took and when you took it - Explain the issues you faced during the training - Suggest improvements that can be made for future courses

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.5 Scoring and Feedback

Dear Organizer, I am writing to you regarding the recent training course. The course supposed to be three days and disscussed about the newest agricultural equipment and methods. I took it last week on July 7th. Unfortunately, the course was initiated with a simple and basic ideas at the first day, without mentioning any equipment. similarly, the same approach was implemented in the next two days, and we did not learn something special. However, our expectation was beyond this basic topic. During the course, not only the problems with fertilizer and some chemical materials should have spoken, but the advance pertinent devices also could have argued. apart from all that being said, I hope in the next upcoming training course all these related agricultural issues such as the newest chemical materials to combat the destructive flies as well as the latest method and tools for harvesting are introduced. yours sincerely, Mr. Hassani
Words: 152Paragraphs: 3
Submitted: 7/21/2023, 08:25 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.5

The essay has a basic structure with a clear introduction and conclusion, but it lacks effective use of cohesive devices and logical progression of ideas, affecting the overall coherence and cohesion.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure consistent use of punctuation and capitalization to aid readability and coherence, such as capitalizing the first word of each sentence.
  • Use a wider range of cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between sentences. For instance, use connectors like 'firstly', 'moreover', and 'in addition' to enhance flow.
  • Avoid abrupt transitions between ideas by using appropriate linking words. For example, instead of 'apart from all that being said', you might use 'Furthermore' or 'Additionally' to introduce the suggestions section.
  • Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas are logically sequenced. For example, start with a brief overview of the course, followed by issues faced, and conclude with suggestions for improvement.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary with some inaccuracies and repetition. There is an attempt to use some less common lexical items, but these are often used inaccurately which affects clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more descriptive adjectives and adverbs to enrich your descriptions and make your writing more engaging.
  • Practice using less common lexical items accurately within context, such as 'pertinent' and 'argued', which were used incorrectly.
  • Avoid repetition of basic vocabulary by using synonyms or more precise terms. For example, instead of 'basic ideas', use 'elementary concepts'.
  • Expand your vocabulary range by learning and practicing new words related to the context of professional training and agriculture.

Grammatical Range5.5

The essay demonstrates a basic level of grammatical range with some varied sentence structures, but there are noticeable errors that affect clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Use articles correctly. For instance, 'a simple and basic ideas' should be 'simple and basic ideas.'
  • Use correct verb forms and tenses to improve clarity. For instance, 'disscussed about' should be 'discussed' and 'have spoken' should be 'have been discussed.'
  • Incorporate complex sentence structures to enhance grammatical range. For example, instead of 'During the course, not only the problems with fertilizer and some chemical materials should have spoken, but the advance pertinent devices also could have argued,' consider restructuring for clarity: 'The course should have covered problems with fertilizer and chemical materials, as well as advanced devices.'
  • Capitalize the first letter of the first word in each sentence and proper nouns. For example, 'similarly' should be 'Similarly,' and 'yours sincerely' should be 'Yours sincerely.'
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement throughout the essay. For example, 'The course supposed to be' should be 'The course was supposed to be.'

Task Achievement5.5

The letter addresses the task prompt by describing the course, explaining the issues faced, and suggesting improvements. However, the level of detail and specificity could be enhanced for better task achievement.

Recommendations:

  • Provide more specific details about the course, such as its title, location, or the name of the instructor, to give a clearer context.
  • Elaborate on the issues faced during the training with specific examples or experiences to strengthen the argument of dissatisfaction.
  • Offer more detailed and practical suggestions for improvement, possibly including examples from other successful courses or specific content that should be included.
GRADED
5.5
Coherence and Cohesion:5.5
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:5.5
Task Achievement:5.5
Band Score:5.5
Coherence and Cohesion5.5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range5.5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement5.5
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count6
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