BAND 6.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: WRITING A LETTER TO A HOTEL MANAGER ABOUT A LEFT-BEHIND PERSONAL ITEM

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Writing Task

You recently attended a conference in another city and stayed at a hotel. Upon leaving, you realized you left a personal item in your hotel room. Write a letter to the hotel manager to request their assistance in locating and returning your item. In your letter: - Explain your situation and the item left behind - Provide details about the room you stayed in and the date of your stay - Specify how you would like the hotel to assist you - Suggest arrangements for returning the item to you

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.5 Scoring and Feedback

Dear Sir, I am writing to inform that I have left my bag in the room when I was leaving. There are not much money but some docs in the wallet. I really assist you to put it in a safe place until I come back . I was in the room 609 in Jan 1st. I was there for three nights. Please if you could post it for me to my address I would be so grateful. Now , I am traveling to other cities and I have no time to return back to your hotel. Therefore, it would be great if your staff hold my bag and keep it in a safe place. I would like you to post it for my for below address: Tehran, 1st avenue, Laleh St. No 117 Finally, I would be appreciated for your assitance. I am looking forward for your prompt respond, Yours faithfully, Abbas Hosseini
Words: 154Paragraphs: 8
Submitted: 7/17/2023, 04:38 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.5

The letter maintains a basic structure but lacks clear logical progression and effective use of cohesive devices, making the sequence of ideas somewhat unclear.

Recommendations:

  • Correct minor cohesion errors like misplaced words ('respond' should be 'response') to improve clarity.
  • Use clear paragraphing to separate different ideas or sections of the letter, such as the explanation of the situation, details of the stay, and the request for assistance.
  • Employ a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., 'firstly', 'in addition', 'finally') to guide the reader through the letter and clarify the sequence of ideas.
  • Ensure that each sentence logically follows the previous one to enhance the overall flow and readability of the letter.

Lexical Resource5.5

The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary with several instances of incorrect word choice, spelling errors, and lack of variety in expression. The use of informal language is also present, which is not suitable for a formal letter.

Recommendations:

  • Practice using a variety of sentence structures to improve lexical resource and avoid repetitive language.
  • Pay attention to spelling errors and ensure correct spelling of words such as 'assist' (should be 'ask for assistance'), 'docs' (should be 'documents'), and 'assitance' (should be 'assistance').
  • Use more precise language to describe the situation and the item left behind, for example, specifying 'documents in my wallet' rather than 'some docs'.
  • Use more formal language appropriate for a letter to a hotel manager. Replace informal phrases such as 'I really assist you' with 'I would appreciate it if you could'.
  • Expand your vocabulary range by learning and practicing more synonyms and formal expressions to avoid repetition and enhance clarity.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures with frequent errors that may impede communication. Simple sentences are used throughout, and there is limited use of complex structures.

Recommendations:

  • Pay attention to verb tenses, ensuring consistency and correctness, such as 'I am writing to inform you that I left my bag' instead of 'I am writing to inform that I have left my bag.'
  • Use articles correctly, such as 'a safe place' instead of 'in safe place.'
  • Correct subject-verb agreement errors, such as 'I would appreciate your assistance' instead of 'I would be appreciated for your assistance.'
  • Ensure correct use of prepositions, such as 'I am looking forward to your prompt response' instead of 'I am looking forward for your prompt respond.'
  • Improve sentence structure by using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to enhance grammatical range.

Task Achievement5.5

The letter addresses the task prompt by explaining the situation of leaving a bag behind at the hotel, providing some details about the stay, and requesting the hotel's assistance in returning the item. However, it lacks clarity and some necessary details, such as a full description of the item and a more specific request for assistance.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure all parts of the task are addressed, such as suggesting arrangements for returning the item, which is briefly mentioned but could be expanded upon for clarity.
  • Provide a clear and detailed description of the item left behind, including its contents and significance, to help the hotel staff identify it easily.
  • Include more precise details about the stay, such as the exact dates of check-in and check-out, to ensure the hotel can verify the stay and locate the room records.
  • Clearly specify the preferred method of returning the item, such as the type of postal service to use, to avoid any confusion.
GRADED
5.5
Coherence and Cohesion:5.5
Lexical Resource:5.5
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.5
Band Score:5.5
Coherence and Cohesion5.5
Logical structure5.5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words5.5
Variety in linking words5.5
Lexical Resource5.5
Varied vocabulary5.5
Accurate spelling & word formation5.5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5.5
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas5.5
Relevant & specific examples5.5
Appropriate word count5.5
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