BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: REVIEW AND SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVING PROFESSIONAL TRAINING COURSES

Explore a Band 5.5 IELTS essay sample by Daniel Santos expressing his preference for in-person workshops over online courses for lead generation. Understand his systematic approach to learning and implementing training for maximum company benefit.

Writing Task

You recently attended a professional training course that was organized by your company. The training was not up to your expectations, and you think it could have been better planned and executed. Write a letter to your manager, describing your experience during the training. In your letter, you should: - Explain the purpose of the training course - Describe the issues you faced during the training - Suggest improvements that could be made in future training sessions

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 4.5 Scoring and Feedback

I feel the in-person workshop would be most beneficial to me in my goals, although the Demand Metric Lead Generation program would be my second choice. After reviewing each option, I found that the HubSpot Lead Generation course library doesn’t include as much information about developing a strong action plan and implementing the concepts into my own responsibilities and tasks. The agenda for the in-person training includes detailed action plan samples and how to use them to implement a lead generation strategy in any industry. I am committed to continuing in my current position while undergoing this additional training and do not foresee the need to alter my schedule in any way. I am also committed to applying these skills in a way that will benefit the company in the years to come. By providing this opportunity for training, I believe the company will see an increase in lead generation, which will help produce additional revenue and generate more awareness about our product. If you have any alternative training programs or courses you would recommend that would help me gain the knowledge and skills I’m seeking, I am interested to hear about these. I appreciate your consideration of my request for training. If you’d like, we can schedule a follow-up meeting next Wednesday to review my request and answer any questions you may have. I look up to you as a mentor and appreciate your time in reviewing this letter. Sincerely, Daniel Santos
Words: 243Paragraphs: 5
Submitted: 7/13/2023, 02:10 PM

Coherence And Cohesion4.0

The letter lacks clear coherence and cohesion as it does not address the task prompt effectively. The ideas are not logically organized, and there is a lack of connection between sentences and paragraphs. The letter does not clearly follow the required structure of explaining the purpose of the training, describing issues, and suggesting improvements.

Recommendations:

  • Begin each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea of the paragraph, ensuring a logical progression of ideas.
  • Include specific examples or details to support your points, which will help in maintaining coherence throughout the letter.
  • Ensure the letter follows the task prompt structure by starting with the purpose of the training, followed by the issues faced, and concluding with suggestions for improvement.
  • Use cohesive devices such as linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs logically. For example, use 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' and 'Finally' to introduce different sections.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with some variety in word choice and appropriate use of formal tone. However, it lacks specific vocabulary related to the training issues and improvements, which are central to the task prompt.

Recommendations:

  • Use synonyms to avoid repetition of common words, such as 'training' and 'program', to enhance lexical variety.
  • Incorporate more specific vocabulary related to training issues, such as 'logistics', 'content delivery', 'interactive sessions', and 'feedback mechanisms'.
  • Include more precise adjectives to describe the issues faced during the training, such as 'inadequate', 'disorganized', 'superficial', or 'unengaging', to provide a clearer picture.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a good command of grammatical structures with a variety of sentence types, including complex and compound sentences. However, there are occasional lapses in grammatical accuracy and appropriateness, particularly in the use of verb tenses and sentence structures that could be more precisely aligned with the task requirements.

Recommendations:

  • Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure that plurals and singulars are used correctly.
  • Ensure verb tenses align with the context, such as using past tense when describing past events or experiences.
  • Improve sentence variety by incorporating a wider range of complex sentence structures, such as conditional sentences or passive voice, to enhance the grammatical range.
  • Review the use of modals and auxiliary verbs to ensure they are used appropriately, especially in expressing suggestions or recommendations.

Task Achievement3.0

The essay does not adequately address the task prompt. It fails to explain the purpose of the training course, describe the issues faced during the training, or suggest improvements for future sessions. Instead, it discusses the writer's preference for different training options and their commitment to applying new skills, which is unrelated to the task requirements.

Recommendations:

  • Use specific examples from the training experience to illustrate the issues and support the suggestions for improvement.
  • Directly address each part of the prompt: explain the purpose of the training, describe specific issues faced, and suggest clear improvements.
  • Ensure that the content of the letter is relevant to the task prompt and does not deviate into unrelated topics.
GRADED
4.5
Coherence and Cohesion:4.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:3.0
Band Score:4.5
Coherence and Cohesion4
Logical structure4
Introduction & conclusion present4
Supported main points4
Accurate linking words4
Variety in linking words4
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement3
Complete response3
Clear & comprehensive ideas3
Relevant & specific examples3
Appropriate word count4
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