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BAND 8.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: MODERN WAYS VS TRADITIONAL SKILLS DEBATE ANALYSIS

Explore our Band 8.5 IELTS essay sample, where we delve into the importance of preserving traditional skills and customs in a rapidly changing world. Learn how these traditions maintain cultural identity, promote sustainability, and foster social cohesion.

Writing Task

Many people nowadays believe that the traditional skills and customs of their country are becoming less important and should be replaced with modern ways of living. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Provide reasons for your answers and include relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 8.0 Scoring and Feedback

In today's rapidly changing world, there is an ongoing debate about the relevance and importance of traditional skills and customs. While some argue that these practices should be replaced by modern ways of living, I firmly believe that preserving and embracing our cultural heritage is crucial. This essay will outline the reasons why traditional skills and customs hold significant value in contemporary society. Firstly, traditional skills and customs are an integral part of a nation's identity and heritage. They reflect the history, values, and unique characteristics of a culture. By preserving these traditions, we maintain a sense of belonging and pride in our roots. For example, traditional crafts such as pottery, weaving, or carpentry not only provide economic opportunities for artisans but also serve as a link to our past. These skills are passed down through generations, fostering a sense of continuity and cultural cohesion. Secondly, traditional skills often embody sustainable practices and wisdom accumulated over centuries. In contrast, modern ways of living can sometimes prioritize convenience and efficiency at the expense of environmental sustainability. Traditional agricultural methods, for instance, emphasize organic farming techniques and crop rotation, which promote soil health and biodiversity. By integrating these time-tested practices into modern approaches, we can achieve a more balanced and sustainable future. Furthermore, traditional customs play a vital role in promoting social cohesion and fostering interpersonal connections. Festivals, rituals, and ceremonies bring communities together, strengthening bonds and nurturing a sense of unity. These customs provide opportunities for people to interact, share experiences, and pass on cultural values to younger generations. In an increasingly globalized world, where individualism and isolation can prevail, preserving traditional customs helps maintain social harmony and a sense of shared identity. In conclusion, the belief that traditional skills and customs are becoming less important and should be replaced by modern ways of living is misguided. The preservation and promotion of our cultural heritage are essential for maintaining a sense of identity, fostering sustainability, and nurturing social cohesion. Embracing both tradition and progress can lead to a harmonious and prosperous society.
Words: 341Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/22/2023, 06:55 AM

Coherence And Cohesion8.0

The essay demonstrates a coherent structure with clear progression of ideas. Each paragraph logically follows from the previous one, contributing to a well-organized argument. The use of linking words and phrases such as 'Firstly', 'Secondly', 'Furthermore', and 'In conclusion' helps guide the reader through the argument, indicating a clear relationship between points. The introduction and conclusion are effectively linked, reinforcing the central thesis.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all sentences within a paragraph are directly related to the topic sentence to maintain coherence.
  • Consider using more complex linking phrases to show relationships between ideas, such as 'Despite this', 'As a result', or 'On the other hand', to demonstrate a wider range of cohesive devices.
  • Enhance the use of cohesive devices to create more variety in sentence structure and avoid repetitive transitional phrases.

Lexical Resource8.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary appropriate to the topic, with some varied and precise word choices that effectively convey the intended meaning. Words such as 'integral,' 'cohesion,' 'sustainability,' and 'prosperous' are used correctly and enhance the quality of the writing. There is also an appropriate use of collocations like 'cultural heritage,' 'economic opportunities,' and 'globalized world,' which shows awareness of natural English usage. However, the essay could benefit from a wider variety of vocabulary to further enhance the lexical resource.

Recommendations:

  • Include more topic-specific vocabulary related to cultural preservation and modernization to showcase a deeper understanding of the subject matter.
  • Experiment with more complex and sophisticated vocabulary to elevate the writing style, ensuring that the words fit the context and are used accurately.
  • Incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions to avoid repetition and demonstrate a broader lexical range. For example, instead of repeatedly using 'traditional skills and customs,' consider using synonyms like 'ancestral practices' or 'heritage techniques.'

Grammatical Range8.0

The essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical structures, utilizing a variety of complex and compound sentences effectively. There are no noticeable errors in grammar, suggesting a high level of proficiency.

Recommendations:

  • Continue practicing the use of complex sentence structures to maintain and further enhance grammatical sophistication.
  • Experiment with a wider range of grammatical structures, such as conditional sentences or passive voice, to add variety.

Task Achievement8.0

The essay effectively addresses the task prompt by clearly stating a position on the importance of traditional skills and customs, providing reasons and examples to support this view. The writer disagrees with the notion that traditional skills and customs should be replaced by modern ways, and this stance is consistently maintained throughout the essay.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that each paragraph directly supports the main argument with clear examples or evidence from personal experience or knowledge, as this strengthens the overall task achievement.
  • Consider addressing potential counterarguments to demonstrate a balanced understanding of the topic, which can enhance the depth of the response.
GRADED
8.0
Coherence and Cohesion:8.0
Lexical Resource:8.0
Grammatical Range:8.0
Task Achievement:8.0
Band Score:8.0
Coherence and Cohesion8
Logical structure8
Introduction & conclusion present8
Supported main points8
Accurate linking words8
Variety in linking words8

Lexical Resource8
Varied vocabulary8
Accurate spelling & word formation8

Grammatical Range8
Mix of complex & simple sentences8
Clear and correct grammar8

Task Achievement8
Complete response8
Clear & comprehensive ideas8
Relevant & specific examples8
Appropriate word count8