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BAND 7.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ROLE OF LUCK VS HARD WORK IN SUCCESS - DISCUSSION AND ANALYSIS

Explore our band 7.5 score IELTS essay sample discussing the role of hard work, determination, and luck in achieving success. Dive into real-world examples and inspirational insights. Perfect resource for IELTS preparation.

Writing Task

Some people believe that successful people's accomplishments are merely a result of luck rather than hard work and determination. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this point of view? Provide reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 7.0 Scoring and Feedback

Whilst there are people who think that what successful people accomplish is just a mere result of their luck, not having anything to do with hard work or determination, I believe that these two factors account for a large part of why a person can do better than others. On the one hand, it is definitely wrong to say that luck is of no help to our accomplishments. Since anything can happen, you may achieve what you've longed for from just mere luck. For example, instead of decades of hard work, you have the chance to earn just as much or even more through the lottery. Another reason to say that luck is something necessary is that there are times all your work goes to waste just because of bad luck. You can somehow reduce the chance, but it might still happen. If you are walking home from work, there is a chance that you might be crushed by a bus, though it is very unlikely. On the other hand, you still have to pour in hard work and determination for what you want. You can not just stay still and pray for some kind of random luck since it is really rare in the first place. Instead, hard work and the determination to go on a long journey would definitely bring you something. That something might not be what you want, but there will certainly be a thing you can earn from your hard work. For instance, if a man wants to buy a new car, some part-time jobs would definitely do him better than a lottery ticket. For all these reasons, I totally believe that successful people's accomplishments are what they earn mainly through their hard work, not just mere luck. In conclusion, though luck is still needed from time to time, hard work and determination are definitely the larger part of why a person can be successful.
Words: 320Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/20/2023, 04:49 AM

Coherence And Cohesion7.0

The essay is generally well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph has a central idea that supports the writer's viewpoint, contributing to the overall coherence. However, there are some areas where the logical flow of ideas could be improved for better cohesion.

Recommendations:

  • Maintain consistency in referring to concepts; for example, consistently use either 'luck' or 'random chance' to avoid confusion and ensure clarity.
  • Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Use linking words and phrases more effectively to guide the reader through your argument. For example, words like 'furthermore', 'in addition', or 'consequently' could enhance the logical flow between points.
  • Consider providing a clearer distinction between the points made in each paragraph. For instance, the transition from discussing luck to hard work could be more seamless with a linking sentence that acknowledges the role of both factors before emphasizing the importance of hard work.

Lexical Resource7.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with some attempts at complex word usage. However, there are instances of repetition and misuse of words and phrases that slightly impede clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Pay attention to collocations and word forms, for instance, using 'accomplishments' correctly but avoiding phrases like 'do better than others' which could be more precisely expressed as 'outperform others'.
  • Expand your vocabulary range by learning synonyms and using them appropriately to avoid repetition, such as replacing 'hard work' with 'effort' or 'diligence'.
  • Incorporate more precise and varied expressions to convey your ideas, such as using 'fortuitous events' instead of 'mere luck' to enhance sophistication.

Grammatical Range7.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, including complex and compound sentences, and generally accurate use of grammar. However, there are occasional errors and awkward constructions that could be improved for greater clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, especially in more complex sentences. For example, 'You can somehow reduce the chance, but it might still happen' could be rephrased to ensure clarity on what 'it' refers to.
  • Ensure consistent use of tense throughout the essay to maintain coherence, especially when transitioning between examples and general statements.
  • Review the use of relative clauses to ensure clarity. For example, in the sentence 'what successful people accomplish is just a mere result of their luck,' consider rephrasing for better flow and precision.
  • Improve the use of modal verbs for expressing possibility and necessity, such as 'can' and 'might,' to ensure they are used correctly in context.

Task Achievement7.0

The essay addresses the task prompt by presenting a clear position that successful people's accomplishments are primarily due to hard work and determination rather than luck. The writer provides a balanced discussion by acknowledging the role of luck but emphasizing the significance of effort and persistence. The essay includes relevant examples, such as the lottery and part-time jobs, to support the argument.

Recommendations:

  • Provide more specific examples or evidence to strengthen the claim that hard work and determination lead to success. While the lottery and part-time job examples are relevant, additional real-world examples could enhance the argument's persuasiveness.
  • Ensure a clearer distinction between the introduction and the main body paragraphs. The current introduction jumps directly into the argument, which might confuse readers about the essay's structure. Start with a clearer statement of your position before diving into the arguments.
  • Explicitly link the examples and arguments back to the thesis statement to reinforce the main argument consistently throughout the essay. This helps maintain coherence and ensures that each point clearly supports your overall position.
GRADED
7.0
Coherence and Cohesion:7.0
Lexical Resource:7.0
Grammatical Range:7.0
Task Achievement:7.0
Band Score:7.0
Coherence and Cohesion7
Logical structure7
Introduction & conclusion present7
Supported main points7
Accurate linking words7
Variety in linking words7
Lexical Resource7
Varied vocabulary7
Accurate spelling & word formation7
Grammatical Range7
Mix of complex & simple sentences7
Clear and correct grammar7
Task Achievement7
Complete response7
Clear & comprehensive ideas7
Relevant & specific examples7
Appropriate word count7
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