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BAND 7.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: INDIVIDUAL VS GROUP EFFORT IN SOCIAL CHANGE - A COMPREHENSIVE DISCUSSION

Explore a Band 7.5 IELTS essay sample debating on individual vs organizational impact on society. Learn from the inspiring stories of individuals and the collective efforts of groups that have brought significant societal changes. Perfect your IELTS writing skills with this comprehensive analysis!

Writing Task

Some people believe that individuals can make a significant difference in society by putting in a great amount of effort, while others argue that major changes can only be accomplished through larger groups or organizations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 7.0 Scoring and Feedback

The debate over whether individuals or large organizations can make a greater impact on society is a subject that has been contested for many years. Some people believe that individual effort and action can make a significant difference in society. They point to the inspirational stories of individuals who have achieved amazing things, often against great odds. For example, a single person may be able to lead social and political movements, or start businesses that have an enormous impact on the world. These people may be able to accomplish things that large organizations and institutions can’t. On the other hand, some people argue that major changes in society are only possible when large groups or organizations come together. These individuals point to the successes of large-scale movements such as the civil rights movement and the fight for women’s suffrage. These movements were only able to make significant changes in society because of the combined efforts of many people. Large organizations and institutions also have the resources and capabilities to make a greater impact on society than individuals can. In my opinion, both individual effort and collective action are necessary in order to make lasting changes in society. While individual action can be powerful, it cannot always produce the large-scale changes that are needed. At the same time, collective action alone is not enough. In order for large-scale changes to take place, individuals need to be willing to take action and to stand up for their beliefs. Only when individuals and organizations come together can real and lasting change be accomplished.
Words: 260Paragraphs: 3
Submitted: 7/13/2023, 05:13 AM

Coherence And Cohesion7.0

The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion that provides the writer's opinion. Each paragraph logically follows the previous one, maintaining a coherent flow throughout the essay. The use of linking words and phrases helps guide the reader through the argument, although there is room for improvement in varying these connectors to enhance cohesion.

Recommendations:

  • Vary the use of linking words and phrases to avoid repetition and enhance the cohesion of the essay. For example, instead of repeatedly using 'on the other hand,' consider alternatives like 'alternatively' or 'conversely.'
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is fully developed. While the paragraphs are generally coherent, further elaboration on examples, such as how specific individuals or organizations have made changes, would strengthen the cohesion and clarity of the argument.
  • Include more specific examples or evidence to support the points made in each paragraph, which will enhance the logical flow and connectivity between ideas.

Lexical Resource7.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with some less common words and phrases used appropriately, such as 'inspirational stories', 'social and political movements', and 'lasting changes'. The writer uses vocabulary accurately and appropriately for the topic, with only minor errors or awkwardness in word choice, such as 'accomplish things' which could be more precisely expressed. Overall, the lexical resource is effective in conveying the writer's ideas.

Recommendations:

  • Expand the range of vocabulary by incorporating more sophisticated synonyms and expressions to enhance precision and variety.
  • Avoid repetition of words like 'individuals', 'organizations', and 'changes' by using synonyms or rephrasing to maintain reader interest and demonstrate a wider lexical resource.

Grammatical Range7.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures with generally accurate use of complex sentences and varied sentence forms. However, there are some areas where grammatical range can be further expanded.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more varied sentence structures, such as conditional sentences or relative clauses, to demonstrate a wider range of grammar.
  • Use more advanced grammatical structures such as passive voice or inversion to enhance the complexity of the writing.
  • Ensure the use of cohesive devices is varied and not repetitive to show a broader grammatical range.

Task Achievement7.0

The essay effectively discusses both views regarding the impact of individuals versus organizations on societal change. It provides relevant examples and a balanced personal opinion, addressing the task prompt adequately.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that the essay explicitly states how each example supports the argument to enhance clarity.
  • Clearly distinguish between the discussion of the two views and your own opinion to enhance coherence.
  • Include more specific examples or case studies for both individual and organizational impacts to strengthen the argument.
GRADED
7.0
Coherence and Cohesion:7.0
Lexical Resource:7.0
Grammatical Range:7.0
Task Achievement:7.0
Band Score:7.0
Coherence and Cohesion7
Logical structure7
Introduction & conclusion present7
Supported main points7
Accurate linking words7
Variety in linking words7

Lexical Resource7
Varied vocabulary7
Accurate spelling & word formation7

Grammatical Range7
Mix of complex & simple sentences7
Clear and correct grammar7

Task Achievement7
Complete response7
Clear & comprehensive ideas7
Relevant & specific examples7
Appropriate word count7