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BAND 8.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: PRACTICAL LIFE SKILLS VS ACADEMIC ACHIEVEMENTS DEBATE IN SCHOOLS

Explore an in-depth IELTS band 8.0 essay sample debating on the importance of academic achievements versus practical life skills for students. This thoughtful analysis discusses why our education system should focus more on academic learning while providing opportunities for practical skill development during suitable periods. Ideal for IELTS speaking preparation and enhancing understanding of education-related topics.

Writing Task

Many people argue that teaching practical life skills is more important than focusing on academic achievements in schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion and provide relevant examples to support your answer.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

Although I believe that both practical life skills and academic achievements are crucial, I do not think that practical life skills are more important than academic achievements for students. In what follows I will elaborate on my reasons. First and foremost, students are not mentally prepared to learn practical life skills. They are young and should not be involved in adulthood challenges. A solid amount of human studies are now available that reveal people who faced challenges associated with adulthood when they were kids have currently serious mental issues and age faster than others. Though this might not directly justify my statement, there are some caveats regarding these studies. For instance, one of these studies pointed out that instead of teaching kids how to deal with their parents divorcing we should keep them away from the whole situation. This might highlight the fact that why the kids are not prepared mentally to learn practical life skills. Second, students have a golden time learning practical skills in the period after finishing their highschool and before starting their college. There are plenty of online courses available for young generation to educate themself and learn these skills. For instance, I recently decided to purchase an used electric car, but I did have zero information about these cars and how should I inspect them before finalize my purchase. So, I decided to pass a course on car inspection and how to repair basic issues regarding electric cars on Udemy (an online school). This approach has a few benefits. First, we can be selective and learn what we need more instead of being bombarded by a lot of different mandatory subjects in school which might be forgotten soon after school. Plus, as we learn the skills on the job, we can practice more, and in turn, what we learn becomes more effective. Third, the students are busy enough with theoretical subjects in schools, trying to teach them practical skills would complicate everything. This method of education in schools is being tested for several years by a lot of well-kown specialists. We must be indeed careful about changing it, as it might have serious repercussions on our young generation. In the late 90s, Japan's minister of education proposed a plan to revise the education system for elementary school. They considered the proposal for possible implementation, however, they conducted a 10-years pilot study to confirm if the proposed plan works better than the old one, and if it may have any other unpredictable side effect. This completely sheds light on the fact that we should be extremely caution when it comes to any changes in educational system of our kids. In conclusion, I believe that we should keep our educational system the way it is and keep our focus on academic achievements rather than practical life skills as they are a lot of better time period for our kids to learn those essential skills. Particularly with the advancements in the online educational platforms, we can guarranty that no kids of ours would grow up lacking practical skills.
Words: 510Paragraphs: 5
Submitted: 7/21/2023, 08:33 PM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, three main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The ideas are generally logically organized, and there is a good use of linking words to connect sentences and paragraphs. However, there are areas where cohesion could be improved, particularly within paragraphs, to create a smoother flow of ideas.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that all examples provided are directly relevant to the point being made to maintain coherence.
  • Improve paragraph cohesion by ensuring each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all sentences within the paragraph contribute to developing that main idea.
  • Use a wider variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow between sentences and ideas within paragraphs, such as 'for example', 'in addition', 'however', and 'therefore'.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary with some attempts at using less common lexical items and collocations. However, there are several instances of incorrect word choice and word forms, which affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Expand your vocabulary range by learning new words and phrases related to education and skills development.
  • Ensure correct word forms are used; for example, replace 'an used electric car' with 'a used electric car'.
  • Improve collocations and word choice: 'solid amount of human studies' can be revised to 'a substantial body of research'.
  • Use more precise vocabulary: instead of 'pass a course,' use 'complete a course.'
  • Avoid repetitive vocabulary: the phrase 'practical life skills' is used frequently; consider using synonyms such as 'hands-on skills' or 'real-world skills' to add variety.

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a fair range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and clauses, but also contains several grammatical errors and awkward constructions that affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, as errors like 'a solid amount of human studies are now available' should be corrected to 'a solid amount of human studies is now available.'
  • Ensure proper use of articles, such as 'a used electric car' instead of 'an used electric car.'
  • Improve sentence structure to avoid run-on sentences, particularly in the conclusion where complex ideas are not clearly separated.
  • Increase the variety of sentence structures by incorporating more passive constructions and conditionals where appropriate to enhance grammatical range.
  • Focus on correcting tense consistency, as seen in 'I did have zero information about these cars and how should I inspect them' which should be 'I had zero information about these cars and how I should inspect them.'

Task Achievement6.0

The essay addresses the task prompt by presenting a clear position on the importance of academic achievements over practical life skills. The writer provides several reasons and examples to support their viewpoint, maintaining a consistent stance throughout the essay.

Recommendations:

  • Provide more specific examples directly related to school settings to strengthen the argument.
  • Ensure that all parts of the question are fully addressed, including considering any potential benefits of teaching practical life skills in schools.
  • Clarify the connection between the examples given and the main argument to enhance coherence and relevance.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6

Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6

Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6

Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6