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BAND 7.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: COMPANIES SUPPORTING EMPLOYEE EDUCATION VS. SELF-FUNDING PERSPECTIVES

Explore the debate on the necessity of financial support for employee education in this band 7.5 IELTS essay sample. Understand the benefits and drawbacks from both the viewpoints - companies funding for skill upgradation to improve business outcomes, and employees funding their own education to prioritize knowledge gain for job advancement. Discover how this financial aid can impact employee's psychological health, self-confidence and life satisfaction.

Writing Task

Some people believe that companies should provide financial support to employees who want to further their education, while others argue that it is the responsibility of employees to fund their own education. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

Necessity of financial support for employees education has been a controversial debate. Many believe that the financial support should be covered by the companies while others believe that it is on the employee himself. This essay is going to discuss the both views. On the one hand, companies who support their employees by giving them funds to upgrade their knowledge are indirectly aiding their own business to improve their outcome. Higher educated employee by utilizing way more upgraded skills and information may increase a company’s productivity as well as annual income. Moreover, financial support for educational programs not only have monetary benefits but also has an important effect on psychological health of employees. If a company provides a situation in which staff could find a shortcut to increase their venue through upgrading educational status it tend to have a direct effect on their effort on studying and obtaining new information in order to advantage the company.Furthermore, higher revenue coupled with higher educational degree has a significant impact on employee’s self confidence and life satisfaction. On the other hand, employees who support their costs of education by themselves may take their courses way more seriously.It is expected that if an employee finds the need to follow their educational courses due to a promotion or higher income they would mainly devote their time to acquire more knowledge related to their job. Moreover, financial supports for educational purposes would not be considered as important as funds for accommodations or health services for staff and therefore it would be recommended that the budget be allocated for priorities. As a consequence, by considering both views as well as the advantages and disadvantages of financial support of companies for their employees educational purposes not only do I find this idea beneficial for the business but also could be considered as a viable method of psychological support for employees.
Words: 312Paragraphs: 3
Submitted: 7/21/2023, 06:34 PM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay presents a generally clear structure with a logical progression of ideas, discussing both views on the topic. However, there are some issues with paragraphing and linking words that affect the overall coherence and cohesion.

Recommendations:

  • Use referencing words like 'this' or 'these' to avoid repetition and enhance cohesion between sentences.
  • Improve paragraph transitions by using more varied and appropriate linking words to ensure smooth flow between ideas.
  • Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all sentences within the paragraph support this idea, avoiding any off-topic information.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary and some use of less common lexical items. However, there are instances of repetition and incorrect word usage, which affect the clarity and precision of the arguments.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more topic-specific vocabulary related to business and education to enhance the essay's lexical resource.
  • Expand vocabulary range to include more precise and varied language to avoid repetition, such as using synonyms for 'financial support' and 'education.'
  • Ensure correct word usage and collocations, such as 'venue' which should be 'revenue,' and 'advantage the company,' which should be 'benefit the company.'

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and varied sentence beginnings. However, there are several grammatical errors and awkward constructions that affect clarity and fluency.

Recommendations:

  • Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, such as 'financial support for educational programs not only have monetary benefits' which should be 'has'.
  • Ensure consistency in tense usage; the essay shifts between present and future tenses inconsistently.
  • Use more varied sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement, such as using relative clauses or passive voice where appropriate.
  • Improve sentence structure to avoid run-on sentences, particularly in complex sentences, e.g., 'If a company provides a situation in which staff could find a shortcut to increase their venue through upgrading educational status it tend to have a direct effect...' should be split or rephrased for clarity.

Task Achievement6.0

The essay addresses the task prompt by discussing both views on whether companies should provide financial support for employees' education. It presents arguments for both sides and offers a personal opinion, aligning with the task requirements.

Recommendations:

  • Conclude the essay by summarizing the main points discussed, reinforcing your opinion clearly.
  • Ensure that both views are discussed with equal depth and clarity. The argument for employees funding their own education needs more elaboration and supporting examples to balance the discussion.
  • Provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the essay's structure and your stance on the issue.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
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