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BAND 7.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: CASHLESS SOCIETY PROS AND CONS ANALYSIS AND PERSONAL INSIGHTS

Explore the pros and cons of a cashless society in our IELTS essay sample, scoring 7.5 bands. Learn the impacts of online banking, the convenience it brings, and its potential threats like crime escalation and transaction fees. Perfect resource for IELTS preparation.

Writing Task

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of living in a cashless society. To what extent do you think the benefits of this development outweigh the drawbacks? Provide relevant examples and your own experience to support your answer.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

Living in a cashless society has both its detrimental and beneficial sides since you cannot buy anything without your phone or your credit card but also, having any device that allows you to access the internet would be enough for you to go shopping. In this essay, I will discuss both sides of the improvement and I believe that the drawbacks really do outweigh the benefits. On the one hand, living in a cashless society seems to be really convenient, since you can make a payment as long as you have your phone or your laptop with you. No matter where you are, if you can access your bank account, you will be having all your money with you. For example, when people go to a faraway place for a trip, things will be much more simple to just carry your phone instead of some cash. They won't ever have to worry about not bringing enough money. On the other hand, a cashless society will have a higher crime rate due to how easily money can be transferred. Illegal trades require a large amount of money and usually, this large amount of cash leads to suspicion from the police and bank officers, which makes the criminals have a hard time trading their product. But in a cashless society, such a requirement for trade doesn't exist, allowing the lawbreakers to freely buy and sell illegal products. Another drawback of living in a cashless society is that you will always have to pay a small fee for any trade you make. The reason is that whichever kind of bank account you have, they will charge you a little every time you make a payment with your bank account. This may not seem like much but the large the payment you make, the larger the fee you're charged so this will cost you quite a lot In conclusion, although a cashless society gives you a lot of conveniences, I believe that such a society will have much more problems to deal with.
Words: 339Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/15/2023, 05:30 AM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in maintaining coherence. However, the cohesion between sentences and ideas within paragraphs could be improved for smoother transitions and clearer connections between points.

Recommendations:

  • Consider using pronouns or synonyms to avoid repetition and enhance the flow of the essay.
  • Use linking words and phrases more effectively to connect ideas within paragraphs, such as 'furthermore', 'in addition', 'however', and 'on the contrary'.
  • Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea, and all sentences within the paragraph support this idea. For example, the paragraph discussing crime rates could benefit from a more explicit topic sentence that clearly states the main point.
  • Improve the logical progression of ideas by ensuring each paragraph flows naturally into the next. For instance, the transition from discussing convenience to crime rate could be smoother with a sentence bridging the two contrasting points.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary appropriate to the topic of living in a cashless society. The writer uses some less common lexical items such as 'detrimental', 'beneficial', 'convenient', 'suspicion', and 'lawbreakers', which enhance the overall lexical resource of the essay. However, there are instances where word choice could be improved for clarity and precision, such as the use of 'improvement' instead of 'development'.

Recommendations:

  • Pay attention to collocations and word forms to ensure natural and accurate use of vocabulary, such as 'the larger the payment, the larger the fee' instead of 'the large the payment you make, the larger the fee you're charged.'
  • Use more precise and varied vocabulary to convey ideas clearly and accurately. For instance, replace 'improvement' with 'development' to better fit the context.
  • Incorporate more topic-specific vocabulary related to finance and digital transactions to demonstrate a wider range of lexical resource.

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and varied sentence beginnings. However, there are noticeable grammatical errors that impact clarity, such as subject-verb agreement issues and incorrect prepositions.

Recommendations:

  • Practice using a wider range of complex sentence structures to enhance grammatical sophistication.
  • Review subject-verb agreement rules, especially in complex sentences, to ensure verbs correctly match their subjects.
  • Pay attention to the use of articles ('a', 'an', 'the') and prepositions to improve sentence clarity.

Task Achievement6.0

The essay addresses the task prompt by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of living in a cashless society. It provides examples and personal opinion, concluding that the drawbacks outweigh the benefits. However, the essay lacks depth in exploring the extent to which benefits outweigh drawbacks, as required by the prompt.

Recommendations:

  • Clarify the thesis statement to more explicitly reflect the essay's stance on whether the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
  • Ensure the essay fully addresses the prompt by clearly stating to what extent the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. Provide a more balanced discussion and a stronger conclusion that reflects this assessment.
  • Expand on the advantages and disadvantages with more detailed examples and analysis to strengthen the argument.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6

Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6

Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6

Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6