Help us improve!Share your feedback and help make IELTS CHAMP better for everyone.

Leave Feedback

BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: PROS AND CONS OF REMOTE WORK VS. OFFICE WORK: IMPACT ON SOCIETY

Explore an in-depth look at the advantages and drawbacks of remote work versus office work in our IELTS essay sample. Learn how remote work affects time management, work-life balance, and equal opportunities in the business world. Ideal reading for Band 6.5 IELTS preparation.

Writing Task

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of working remotely from home as opposed to working in a traditional office environment. To what extent do you believe the shift towards remote work will have a lasting impact on society? Support your views with relevant examples and arguments.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 6.0 Scoring and Feedback

There are plenty of upsides and drawbacks to working remotely in contrst to office work. Due to its popularity, there will unavoidably be several impacts, some of which are long-term. Regarding advantages, working from home comes with absolute perks. Firstly, people do not have to commute to work and which will save them a lot of troubles. Secondly, they can be more relaxed while working since commonplace stress and tensions in workplace normally does not exist at home. On the other hand, drawbacks cannot be overlooked. To begin with, there is lack of in-person communication leading to losing connection with people. Furthermore, those who work remotely find it hard to maintain a balance between work and life as everything is mixed and mingled at home. Eventually, they sometimes overwork or ignore leisure activities. In my reckoning, since there is a growing tendency towards working from home, it come with costs. In terms of time management, people will prefer to save as much time as they can because undoubtedly no one is keen to waste hours in traffic jams. Therefore, the number of people who actually work in workplaces will diminish and the demand for remote jobs will also increase. Additionally, for those who find it hard to attend jobs physically such as disabled people, it will be a great opportunity. That is to say, this situation will bring more equality to the business world. Finally, working from home can give people in remote areas, for instance villages, to have access to recruitment opportunities provided by online website without much trouble. In conclusion, working remotely has lived up to peoples' expectations all over the world and will continue to be popular. It has huge impacts on society pm most of which are profound.
Words: 292Paragraphs: 4
Submitted: 7/21/2023, 08:38 PM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. It logically organizes ideas by first discussing the advantages and disadvantages of remote work, followed by the societal impacts. However, transitions between some ideas could be smoother, and a few connections between sentences and paragraphs are weak or missing.

Recommendations:

  • Use cohesive devices like pronouns and synonyms to avoid repetition and improve flow. For example, replace 'people' with 'individuals' or 'employees' to vary language.
  • Improve transitions between ideas by using linking words or phrases such as 'moreover', 'in addition', or 'however'. For example, instead of starting a new sentence with 'Secondly, they can be more relaxed...', consider linking it to the previous sentence with 'Moreover, they can be more relaxed...'.
  • Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and use topic sentences to clearly introduce these ideas. For instance, the paragraph discussing the societal impact could start with a sentence that clearly states this focus.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of remote work, with some effective use of less common lexical items. However, there are instances of inappropriate word choices and occasional spelling errors, which slightly impede clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Be vigilant with spelling errors such as 'contrst' instead of 'contrast' and 'pm' instead of 'some', as these can affect the clarity of your message.
  • Expand the range of vocabulary related to remote work and traditional office environments to include more sophisticated and varied expressions.
  • Pay attention to word choice to ensure that the words used are appropriate for the context. For example, 'absolute perks' could be replaced with 'distinct advantages' for more precision.
  • Incorporate more collocations and idiomatic expressions to enhance the naturalness and fluency of the language used.

Grammatical Range6.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures with some errors that occasionally impede clarity. Simple and compound sentences are used, but complex structures are less frequent and sometimes incorrect.

Recommendations:

  • Work on using a wider variety of complex sentence structures, such as using relative clauses and conditional sentences, to enhance grammatical range.
  • Correct errors in word forms and prepositions, such as 'contrst' which should be 'contrast', and 'on society pm' which should be 'on society, most of which are profound.'
  • Ensure that conjunctions are used correctly to link ideas, for instance, 'commute to work and which will save them' should be 'commute to work, which will save them'. This will improve the flow and clarity of the writing.
  • Pay attention to subject-verb agreement errors, such as 'it come with costs' which should be 'it comes with costs', to improve grammatical accuracy.

Task Achievement6.0

The essay addresses the task prompt by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of remote work compared to traditional office work. It also touches on the potential long-term societal impacts of remote work. However, the arguments are somewhat general and lack depth in analysis and specific examples.

Recommendations:

  • Clarify the conclusion by summarizing the key points made in the essay and linking them back to the question of lasting societal impacts.
  • Provide more detailed examples to support each point. For instance, give specific scenarios where remote work has benefited individuals or companies.
  • Expand on the societal impact section by discussing more concrete long-term effects, such as changes in urban planning, environmental impacts, or shifts in employment trends.
  • Ensure that each point is fully developed with clear reasoning and evidence to strengthen the argument. This includes elaborating on how remote work could lead to more equality in the business world or how it affects work-life balance.
GRADED
6.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:6.0
Task Achievement:6.0
Band Score:6.0
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range6
Mix of complex & simple sentences6
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement6
Complete response6
Clear & comprehensive ideas6
Relevant & specific examples6
Appropriate word count6
Grade Your Essay