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BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: DISCUSSING PROS AND CONS OF TRADITIONAL OFFICE VS REMOTE WORK

Explore our comprehensive Band 6.5 IELTS essay sample on the impacts of remote work as a work method. Discover how this approach balances life quality, creativity, and cost reductions for both employees and companies. Dive into the challenges and benefits of remote work in the COVID-19 era and the future of work.

Writing Task

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of working remotely from home as opposed to working in a traditional office environment. To what extent do you believe the shift towards remote work will have a lasting impact on society? Support your views with relevant examples and arguments.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.5 Scoring and Feedback

The effects of remote work as an alternative to on-site work in communities are being debated among people these days. I believe remote work as a method of working is popular approch which state of the art strategies for motivation employees and companies. The advancements of this method outweight the drawbacks. Although this phenomenon as a new approach has a gray-zone and society face with some issues when implementing. Remote work has the fundamental benefits for employees and companies. The first reason is the employees dont stuck in traffic and have more time to prepare before work hours therefore increase their quality of life. Additionally this benefit lead them to have a high performance with more creativity in working time. The second reason is the expenses reduction for personnel attendance for companies.COVID-19 era was good period for expansion work from home. During this time, companies had to provide the necessary structures for remote work for their personnel so they can determine the advancements of remote works. The third reason is working parents can spend more time with their families so they can better upbringing theirs children. While companies face to some issues. These problems include: Lack of face-to-face meetings which has mor efficiency than virtual meetings also bosses has less control on their staffs because they can't access them all the time additionally team-oriented activities can be affected because the interactions between the members decrease. Overally I think the trend of remote working instead of on-site working has the appreciated effects on communities and the advancements of remote working outweigh drawbacks.
Words: 261Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/25/2023, 05:15 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.5

The essay attempts to discuss the advantages and disadvantages of remote work compared to traditional office environments. It presents several points in favor of remote work, such as improved quality of life and reduced expenses, while also acknowledging some challenges like reduced face-to-face interaction. However, the essay lacks clear organization and logical progression, which affects coherence and cohesion.

Recommendations:

  • Consider using more varied sentence structures to maintain reader interest and enhance the flow of ideas.
  • Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that supporting details are directly related to this idea. Avoid introducing multiple unrelated points in a single paragraph.
  • Conclude the essay with a summary of the main points discussed and a clear statement of the writer's position on the lasting impact of remote work on society, ensuring it ties back to the introduction.
  • Develop clear topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader through the argument. For example, start with a sentence that clearly states the paragraph's main idea, such as 'Remote work offers several advantages over traditional office environments, including improved quality of life for employees.'
  • Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. For instance, use 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' or 'In addition' to add points, and 'However' or 'On the other hand' to introduce contrasting ideas.

Lexical Resource5.5

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary related to the topic of remote work, with some attempts at using less common lexical items. However, there are frequent errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation that may obscure meaning in some cases.

Recommendations:

  • Familiarize yourself with idiomatic expressions related to work environments to enhance the essay's lexical richness.
  • Expand the range of vocabulary by incorporating more varied and precise words related to remote work and its impacts, such as 'telecommuting,' 'virtual collaboration,' or 'work-life balance.'
  • Use collocations and phrases more accurately, such as 'face with some issues' should be 'face some issues.'
  • Avoid repetition of phrases and try to use synonyms or rephrase sentences to demonstrate a wider lexical range.
  • Improve spelling accuracy, particularly with words like 'approch' (approach) and 'outweight' (outweigh).

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures with several errors in sentence construction, verb forms, and punctuation. There is some variety in sentence types, but complex structures are often inaccurate, which affects clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid informal contractions in formal writing, such as 'dont' should be 'do not.'
  • Enhance sentence structure by using more complex sentences correctly. For example, instead of 'The first reason is the employees dont stuck in traffic', use 'The first reason is that employees do not get stuck in traffic, which allows them more time to prepare before work hours.'
  • Use correct punctuation, especially in compound and complex sentences, to improve readability. For instance, 'Additionally this benefit lead them' should be 'Additionally, this benefit leads them.'
  • Correctly use articles and prepositions. For example, 'state of the art strategies for motivation employees' should be 'state-of-the-art strategies for motivating employees.'
  • Address pluralization and possessive errors, such as 'theirs children' should be 'their children.'
  • Improve verb forms and agreement, such as 'approch' to 'approach' and 'outweight' to 'outweigh', to ensure correct subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency.

Task Achievement5.5

The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of remote work compared to traditional office settings. It provides some examples and arguments to support the points made. However, the essay lacks a clear stance on the extent to which remote work will have a lasting impact on society, and the argumentation could be more balanced and detailed.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that both advantages and disadvantages are discussed with equal depth and clarity.
  • Provide more specific examples to substantiate your claims, especially regarding the societal impact of remote work.
  • Conclude with a summary that reinforces your position on the lasting impact of remote work.
  • Clearly state your position on the lasting impact of remote work on society and provide supporting arguments for this stance.
GRADED
5.5
Coherence and Cohesion:5.5
Lexical Resource:5.5
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.5
Band Score:5.5
Coherence and Cohesion5.5
Logical structure5.5
Introduction & conclusion present5.5
Supported main points5.5
Accurate linking words5.5
Variety in linking words5.5
Lexical Resource5.5
Varied vocabulary5.5
Accurate spelling & word formation5.5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5.5
Complete response5.5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5.5
Relevant & specific examples5.5
Appropriate word count5.5
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