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BAND 6.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: PROS & CONS OF PUBLIC TRANSPORT VS PRIVATE CARS FOR COMMUTING

Explore our in-depth analysis of IELTS band 6.0 essay sample debating the advantages and disadvantages of using public transport for commuting. This discussion includes impacts on the environment, health, and socio-economic factors, with a focus on real-world examples. Perfect guide for IELTS preparation and understanding societal effects of transportation choices.

Writing Task

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of using public transportation rather than private cars for commuting to work. Provide relevant examples to support your opinion.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.5 Scoring and Feedback

there are some arguments in favour and against using public transport system instead of using private vehicles in order to go to and return from workplace. I would discuss some benefits and drawbacks of using this mode of transportation. the advocates of public transportation focus on the influences of this mode of transportation on the environment.Using of this type of transport system leads to less production of exhaust fumes emitting from private vehicles,thus,less air pollution.Air pollution is the cause of various disorders,including respiratory diseases which impose a huge burden on the society.By using this type of transport governments could save more in healthcare sector and invest more in the other parts.for example,instead of investing in treating chronic respiratory disorders derived from pollution,expend in congenital disorders like thalasemia or congenital heart diseases. on the other hand,there are some drawbacks in using buses,subways,trains which could be considered.firstly, In some developing countries there are some mode of public transport which are very crowded and there is lack of seats inside these public vehicles which results in some inconveniences for the folks.for example,in iran,buses are full of population and shortage of seats for people especially the elderly.secondly,frequency of them are low and people ought to wait for a significant time for them.Finally,hygine may hardly would be observe inside the public transport vehicles and this might bring about some contagious diseases. in conclusion,although public transportation system has a lot of benefits,it could carry some disadvantages too and some steps could be taken to address these drawbacks
Words: 251Paragraphs: 5
Submitted: 7/20/2023, 04:11 AM

Coherence And Cohesion6.0

The essay presents a structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the coherence and cohesion are weakened by a lack of clear linking words and inconsistent paragraphing, making it difficult to follow the logical flow of ideas.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more linking words and phrases such as 'furthermore', 'on the other hand', and 'in addition' to improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
  • Ensure that examples are clearly linked to the points they are intended to support, using phrases like 'for instance' or 'such as' to enhance clarity.
  • Be consistent with paragraph indentation and spacing to visually separate different sections of the essay.
  • Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to outline the main idea and ensure each paragraph focuses on a single point.
  • Separate the introduction and conclusion clearly from the body paragraphs to enhance the overall structure and readability.

Lexical Resource6.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of public transportation versus private cars. However, there are several issues with word choice, spelling, and collocations that affect the clarity and precision of the argument.

Recommendations:

  • Use more precise terms for clarity, such as 'healthcare sector' could be 'public health sector' and 'expend in' should be 'invest in'.
  • Enhance the use of collocations and idiomatic expressions, for example, 'full of population' should be 'crowded with people'.
  • Expand the range of vocabulary by incorporating more sophisticated synonyms and expressions, for instance, using 'advantages' and 'disadvantages' instead of 'benefits' and 'drawbacks' for variety.
  • Improve spelling and word spacing, such as 'thalasemia' to 'thalassemia' and 'hygine' to 'hygiene', and ensure words are properly spaced, like 'Using of' should be 'Using this'.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures with some errors in sentence formation, punctuation, and verb usage.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly and improve coherence.
  • Use a wider variety of sentence types, such as complex and compound sentences, to enhance grammatical range.
  • Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, especially in complex sentences, to avoid grammatical errors.
  • Practice using articles ('a', 'an', 'the') correctly to enhance grammatical accuracy.
  • Review the use of singular and plural forms to ensure consistency throughout the essay.
  • Improve sentence structure by ensuring each sentence begins with a capital letter and ends with appropriate punctuation.

Task Achievement5.0

The essay addresses the task by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of public transportation, providing some relevant examples. However, the response lacks a clear position or opinion on the topic, which is necessary for a higher score in Task Achievement.

Recommendations:

  • Provide a clearer structure by explicitly stating the advantages and disadvantages in separate paragraphs, and ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea.
  • Ensure that all points made are fully developed with examples or explanations, as some points are briefly mentioned without enough elaboration.
  • Use more specific and varied examples to support your points, as the current examples are limited and somewhat repetitive.
  • Clearly state your position or opinion on whether the advantages of public transportation outweigh the disadvantages, or vice versa, in the introduction and conclusion.
GRADED
5.5
Coherence and Cohesion:6.0
Lexical Resource:6.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.5
Coherence and Cohesion6
Logical structure6
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points6
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words6
Lexical Resource6
Varied vocabulary6
Accurate spelling & word formation6
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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