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BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES OF A CASHLESS SOCIETY

Explore our IELTS essay sample with a Band 6.5 score. Understand how advancements in technology lead to a cashless society, making life more convenient. Learn pros and cons of digital transactions, the impact of network issues, and the advantages of cashless living.

Writing Task

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of living in a cashless society. To what extent do you think the benefits of this development outweigh the drawbacks? Provide relevant examples and your own experience to support your answer.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

With the dawn to the modern age and advancement in technology, people can implement all the electronic-related tasks with electronic devices like mobile phone's app by means of internet. As a result, there is no need to carry a lot of money with a view to paying for stuffs or bills by cash. I will argue that why the benefits of cashless society outweigh the lack of cashless one. Thanks to the internet and with the shadow of cutting-edge devices, individual can do many things by just clicking on a botton. Paying the bills, for instance, people can pay for all the bills just by opening an appropriate software, which has been installed on their cellphone, or taking an Uber also by using the mobile phone to get away. Furthermore, there is no need to carry a huge amount of papers money with you in order to buying something expensive like carpet, television, or other appliances, all you need to do is by pulling your credit cart into the machine and pay it electronically. apart from all of that being said, there is one big problem with cashless society and that is when the signals are cutaged. As a result, all electronic devices will be turned off. Consequently, the whole activities pertitent to power will be suspended, but this events will not regularly happen. To recapitulate, there are a huge benefits of utilizing electronic devices that cause a cashless society living, As well as make a convenient life for the people. I strongly believe, living in a cashless society is much more easier than living in a society you have to carry huge amount of money to pay for their stuff.
Words: 281Paragraphs: 4
Submitted: 7/19/2023, 03:33 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay presents a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the coherence and cohesion are affected by unclear connections and transitions between ideas. The use of cohesive devices is inconsistent, leading to a disjointed flow of information.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid abrupt shifts in topics by using transitional phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and is well-linked to the next, maintaining a logical progression of ideas.
  • Use consistent referencing to maintain clarity, for example, when referring to 'electronic devices', ensure it's clear what devices are meant each time.
  • Improve the use of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more clearly, such as 'however', 'on the other hand', and 'in addition'.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary related to the topic of a cashless society, but there are several errors in word choice, collocation, and spelling that affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more varied sentence structures to enhance lexical resource and make the essay more engaging.
  • Expand your range of vocabulary by learning synonyms and antonyms for common words to avoid repetition and add variety to your writing.
  • Use more precise language to convey your ideas, such as replacing 'huge amount of papers money' with 'large sums of cash'.
  • Pay attention to collocations and ensure words are used in the correct context, such as 'cutting-edge devices' instead of 'shadow of cutting-edge devices'.
  • Improve spelling accuracy, particularly with commonly confused words like 'cart' instead of 'card', and ensure correct pluralization, e.g., 'papers money' should be 'paper money'.

Grammatical Range4.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures but lacks accuracy in several instances. The writer uses a variety of sentence types, including complex sentences, but there are frequent errors that affect clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Improve the use of articles, for example, 'a botton' should be 'a button,' and 'a huge benefits' should be 'huge benefits.'
  • Ensure correct pluralization, such as 'papers money' should be 'paper money.'
  • Improve the use of prepositions, for example, 'with the dawn to the modern age' should be 'with the dawn of the modern age.'
  • Check for correct verb forms, such as 'cutaged' which is not a standard English word; consider 'disrupted' or 'interrupted.'
  • Use punctuation correctly, for instance, 'apart from all of that being said' should start with a capital 'A,' and 'As well as make a convenient life' needs restructuring for clarity.
  • Pay attention to subject-verb agreement errors, such as 'individual can' which should be 'individuals can' or 'an individual can.'

Task Achievement5.0

The essay addresses the task prompt by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of living in a cashless society, though the balance between these aspects is somewhat uneven. The writer presents a clear opinion that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks, but the argumentation lacks depth and sufficient examples to fully support this stance.

Recommendations:

  • Provide more balanced coverage of both advantages and disadvantages with specific examples to support each point.
  • Include more detailed explanations and examples from personal experience or wider societal impacts to strengthen the argument that benefits outweigh drawbacks.
  • Ensure that the essay directly addresses the prompt's requirement to evaluate the extent to which benefits outweigh drawbacks with a clear and well-supported conclusion.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:4.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range4
Mix of complex & simple sentences4
Clear and correct grammar4
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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