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BAND 6.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: PUBLIC TRANSPORT VS PERSONAL CARS FOR ENVIRONMENTAL CONCERNS

Explore our Band 6.0 IELTS essay sample, discussing the impact of private car usage and the need for improved public transportation systems. Dive into arguments on governments' role in reducing air pollution and traffic jams, and the health benefits of sustainable commuting.

Writing Task

In many high-income countries, environmental problems are increasing due to the growing use of personal cars. Some people argue that governments should encourage the use of public transport instead to resolve this issue. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Provide reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

by enormous improvement of vehicles industry during the last 20 years using private cars has become increasingly popular among people all around the world. on the other hand government in all countries from developed to developing countries have tried to enhance the public transport system to bring people comfort and convenience. some people claim that it is governments responsibility to provide community the appropriate situation such as improving public transport system to decline using the rate of private cars. one of the effective ways to reduce the amount of private cars in streets and highways is to boost public transport system which is one of the duties of governments since by reduction in using private cars rate the amount of pollutants which are released to environment daily would decrease amazingly and on the other hand the volume of heavy traffic jam also would declined too. however the only way to encourage people is not public transport system since it has seen in many developed countries that although there had been effective public transport systems individual tend to use their own cars, thus further that it is necessary to educate public an inform them concerning the drawbacks of using private cars such as negative impacts on ecosystem and environment or dangerous influences on human health which is the consequence of air pollution. according to many scientific research it has demonstrated that thousands of people infect to different kinds of dangerous diseases such as lung cancers anally . in conclusion, i believe that to settle the related issue it is significant that all members of a community collaborate and having a sense of responsibility is great. also governments should invest in public transport section to renew the old vehicles as an incentive policy.
Words: 291Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/22/2023, 11:52 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay presents a logical sequence of ideas, but lacks clear paragraphing and topic sentences which affects the overall coherence. The use of cohesive devices is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety, which impacts the flow of the essay.

Recommendations:

  • Use referencing words like 'this', 'these', 'it' to avoid repetition and enhance cohesion.
  • Vary the use of cohesive devices to enhance the flow between ideas and sentences. Avoid overusing similar linking words.
  • Ensure that each idea is fully developed within its paragraph before moving to the next point. This will improve the logical progression of ideas.
  • Use clear paragraphing to separate different points. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary related to the topic of environmental issues and transportation. However, there are several instances of incorrect word forms, collocations, and spelling errors that affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more sophisticated lexical items to express ideas more precisely. For example, use 'mitigate' instead of 'reduce' when discussing environmental impacts.
  • Enhance the use of collocations and word forms. For instance, 'vehicles industry' should be 'vehicle industry', and 'infect to' should be 'infected with'.
  • Diversify vocabulary to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using 'public transport system', use synonyms or related phrases like 'mass transit' or 'public transportation options'.
  • Improve spelling accuracy by proofreading the essay. For example, 'government' should be 'governments', and 'anally' should be 'annually'.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures with frequent errors in sentence construction, verb forms, and punctuation. The sentences are often long and complex, leading to confusion and a lack of clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, especially in complex sentences, to ensure grammatical accuracy.
  • Practice using correct verb forms, particularly past and present tense, to convey accurate meaning.
  • Use a variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences, to enhance clarity and readability.
  • Incorporate proper punctuation, such as capital letters at the beginning of sentences and commas to separate clauses, to improve sentence readability.
  • Break down overly long and complex sentences into shorter, more manageable ones to improve coherence and understanding.

Task Achievement5.0

The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the role of governments in promoting public transportation to mitigate environmental issues caused by personal car use. It presents the argument that enhancing public transport can reduce pollution and traffic congestion, and suggests that public education about the drawbacks of car use is also necessary. However, the essay lacks a clear stance on the extent of agreement or disagreement with the prompt, and the ideas are not fully developed with specific examples or evidence.

Recommendations:

  • Develop each main idea with specific examples or evidence to support your arguments, such as statistics or case studies from high-income countries.
  • Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the essay is logically structured to build a coherent argument.
  • Clearly state the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement in the introduction and maintain this stance throughout the essay.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5

Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5

Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5

Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5