Help us improve!Share your feedback and help make IELTS CHAMP better for everyone.

Leave Feedback

BAND 6.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: DISCUSSING GOVERNMENT FUNDING VERSUS PRIVATE SUPPORT FOR CULTURAL GROWTH

Explore our band 6.0 IELTS essay sample discussing who should financially support the arts industry - government or private organizations. Learn our well-developed arguments focusing on the importance of agriculture, education, and climate change. Ideal for IELTS aspirants looking for model essays.

Writing Task

Some people believe that the government should provide financial assistance to musicians, artists, and other creative individuals to encourage cultural growth. Others argue that this support should come from other sources, such as private or corporate funding. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

Nowadays, people are fonding of many arts such as music, movies, sports and other innovative arts, to mitigate their tiredness and their fullfilment. Therfore, to support financially such art industies are mandatory, but taking on such a huge budget by government or private organization is still contentious. I personaly believe that private compnies should be responsible for these types of art industries and I put my points forth as follow. To begin with, some individuals think that art industries must be supported by private organaization rather that taking budget from the goevenment. The reason for this idea is that, they believe the government should invest on other essential parts of the society such as agricultures industries, educational systems, structuring more factorories and controling climate changes by allocating a convenient budget. In the case of agriculture, the government can purchase more cutting-edge equipmets to improve the method of harvesting and as a result boosing up the entire crops. For educational system the government can provide more modern technology and set up them at schools and universities to improve the level of computer literacy. Furthermore, by building more factories the govenment will dwindle down a great deal of Unemployment, and by allotting more budget on How to mitigate greenhouse gases are the most fruitful ativities that outweighed the art industries in terms of supporting by the goverment. on the other hand, if the art industries supported by the private organization, it would be better because competition will pose between a wide rage of arts. Consequently almost all of them will develop by each other. To recapitulate, both the art industries and other organizaton in the society are important. however, I strongly believe the government must allecate enough budget to the most essential people's demand like agriculture and education, and the all kinds of arts should be controlled by private organizations.
Words: 308Paragraphs: 4
Submitted: 7/19/2023, 08:29 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay attempts to discuss both views on the provision of financial assistance to art industries, but lacks clear coherence and cohesion. The ideas are not well connected, and transitions between points are abrupt. Paragraphs are not effectively used to separate different ideas, and there is a lack of clear topic sentences to guide the reader through the argument.

Recommendations:

  • Use pronouns and synonyms to avoid repetition and maintain cohesion throughout the essay.
  • Ensure logical progression of ideas by using appropriate linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs.
  • Separate distinct ideas into different paragraphs to improve clarity and organization.
  • Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the main idea of the paragraph.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary with some attempts at using less common words and phrases. However, there are frequent errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation which sometimes obscure meaning.

Recommendations:

  • Enhance word choice by using more precise vocabulary. For example, instead of 'fonding of', use 'fond of' or 'interested in'.
  • Expand vocabulary range by incorporating more varied and sophisticated synonyms for words like 'support', 'industries', and 'important'. This will help convey ideas more clearly and accurately.
  • Use collocations correctly to improve fluency and coherence. For instance, 'mitigate their tiredness' could be revised to 'relieve their fatigue'.
  • Practice using more complex structures and phrases to express ideas, such as 'allocate resources efficiently' instead of 'allotting more budget'. This will help demonstrate a higher level of lexical resource.
  • Improve spelling accuracy by proofreading the essay for common spelling errors, such as 'fullfilment' instead of 'fulfillment', 'compnies' instead of 'companies', and 'govenment' instead of 'government'.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of grammatical structures but contains frequent errors in sentence construction, verb forms, and subject-verb agreement. There is limited use of complex structures, and errors sometimes obscure meaning.

Recommendations:

  • Pay attention to spelling errors and typos, such as 'fullfilment' should be 'fulfillment' and 'compnies' should be 'companies'.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement throughout the essay, like 'art industries must be supported by private organaization rather that taking budget from the goevenment' should be 'organizations rather than taking a budget from the government'.
  • Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to enhance grammatical range, for instance, using subordinating conjunctions to create complex sentences.
  • Work on verb forms and tenses, ensuring correct usage in context, such as 'people are fonding' should be 'people are fond of'.
  • Improve sentence structure to avoid run-on sentences and fragments, for example, 'but taking on such a huge budget by government or private organization is still contentious' needs restructuring for clarity.

Task Achievement5.0

The essay attempts to address the task prompt by discussing both views regarding financial support for creative individuals, and provides the writer's opinion. However, the discussion is not fully developed, and the arguments lack depth and clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Clearly state the opinion and ensure it is consistently supported throughout the essay. The conclusion should effectively summarize the discussion and reinforce the writer's stance.
  • Use more precise language to articulate the benefits and drawbacks of each funding source, ensuring clarity and relevance to the task prompt.
  • Ensure both views are equally explored with relevant examples and explanations. Discuss how government funding could benefit cultural growth and provide specific examples of successful private funding.
  • Avoid introducing new ideas in the conclusion. Instead, focus on summarizing the key points discussed in the body paragraphs.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
Grade Your Essay