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BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: EVALUATING PUBLIC TRANSPORT AS A SOLUTION TO ENVIRONMENTAL CONCERNS FROM CAR USAGE

Explore this comprehensive IELTS band 5.5 essay sample focusing on the impact of the growth of the vehicles industry on the use of private cars and the role of governments in improving public transport systems. Discover informed viewpoints on reducing car use, enhancing public health, and environmental conservation.

Writing Task

In many high-income countries, environmental problems are increasing due to the growing use of personal cars. Some people argue that governments should encourage the use of public transport instead to resolve this issue. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Provide reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

by enormous improvement of vehicles industry during the last 20 years using private cars has become increasingly popular among people all around the world. on the other, hand government in all countries from developed to developing countries have tried to enhance the public transport system to bring people comfort and convenience. some people claim that it is governments responsibility to provide community the appropriate situation such as improving public transport system to decline using the rate of private cars. one of the effective ways to reduce the amount of private cars in streets and highways is to boost public transport system which is one of the duties of governments since by reduction in using private cars rate the amount of pollutants which are released to environment daily would decrease amazingly and on the other hand the volume of heavy traffic jam also would declined too. however the only way to encourage people is not public transport system since it has seen in many developed countries that although there had been effective public transport systems individual tend to use their own cars, thus further that it is necessary to educate public an inform them concerning the drawbacks of using private cars such as negative impacts on ecosystem and environment or dangerous influences on human health which is the consequence of air pollution. according to many scientific research it has demonstrated that thousands of people infect to different kinds of dangerous diseases such as lung cancers anally . in conclusion, i believe that to settle the related issue it is significant that all members of a community collaborate and having a sense of responsibility is great. also governments should invest in public transport section to renew the old vehicles as an incentive policy.
Words: 291Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/22/2023, 10:57 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing the role of government in encouraging public transport to reduce personal car usage. However, the coherence and cohesion are hindered by a lack of clear paragraphing, logical progression, and appropriate use of linking words.

Recommendations:

  • Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and sentences more effectively, enhancing the overall readability.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples.
  • Avoid run-on sentences by breaking them into shorter, more manageable sentences to improve clarity and coherence.
  • Organize the essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a single idea or argument to improve logical flow.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary with some variety in word choice related to the topic of environmental issues and public transportation. However, there are frequent errors in word form, collocation, and spelling that hinder clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Use linking phrases and cohesive devices more effectively to improve the flow of ideas, such as 'Furthermore' or 'Moreover' instead of 'on the other hand' when introducing additional points.
  • Enhance word form usage by ensuring correct forms are used, such as 'government's responsibility' instead of 'governments responsibility'.
  • Expand vocabulary range by incorporating synonyms and more varied expressions related to the topic. For instance, use 'automobiles' or 'vehicles' as alternatives to 'private cars'.
  • Focus on accurate collocations, such as 'reduce the number of private cars' instead of 'reduce the amount of private cars'.
  • Improve spelling and capitalization, especially for proper nouns and the beginning of sentences. For example, 'by enormous improvement' should be 'By enormous improvement'.

Grammatical Range4.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures and contains frequent errors in sentence formation, punctuation, and tense usage, which impede clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Improve the use of tense consistency throughout the essay. For example, 'it has seen in many developed countries that although there had been effective public transport systems individual tend to use their own cars' should be 'it has been seen in many developed countries that although there are effective public transport systems, individuals tend to use their own cars.'.
  • Use a variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences, to enhance the grammatical range. For example, 'thus further that it is necessary to educate public an inform them concerning the drawbacks of using private cars' could be revised to 'Furthermore, it is necessary to educate the public and inform them about the drawbacks of using private cars, such as their negative impacts on the ecosystem and human health.'.
  • Ensure proper sentence structure by using complete sentences, and avoid run-on sentences. For example, 'by enormous improvement of vehicles industry during the last 20 years using private cars has become increasingly popular among people all around the world.' should be split into two sentences: 'Due to enormous improvements in the vehicle industry over the last 20 years, the use of private cars has become increasingly popular worldwide.'.
  • Use appropriate punctuation to separate clauses and ideas. For example, 'on the other, hand government in all countries from developed to developing countries have tried to enhance the public transport system to bring people comfort and convenience.' should be corrected to 'On the other hand, governments in both developed and developing countries have tried to enhance public transport systems to bring people comfort and convenience.'.

Task Achievement5.0

The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the responsibility of governments to encourage public transport use as a solution to environmental problems caused by private cars. It presents the argument that enhancing public transport and educating the public about the disadvantages of private car use can reduce pollution and traffic congestion. However, the essay lacks a clear stance on the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement, and it does not fully explore or support the arguments presented.

Recommendations:

  • Develop each argument with specific examples or evidence to support your points.
  • Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all ideas are relevant to the task.
  • Conclude with a summary that clearly reflects your opinion and the main points discussed.
  • Clearly state your position on the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement in the introduction.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:4.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range4
Mix of complex & simple sentences4
Clear and correct grammar4
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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