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BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: BALANCING GOVERNMENT, PRIVATE, AND CORPORATE FUNDING FOR ARTS AND CULTURE GROWTH

Discover a compelling IELTS essay sample rated at band 5.5. Explore insights on the importance of supporting talented individuals in showcasing a country's heritage abroad, the role of government in promoting culture, and the varying perspectives on funding sources. This essay also highlights the captivating diversity of cultures around the world.

Writing Task

Some people believe that the government should provide financial assistance to musicians, artists, and other creative individuals to encourage cultural growth. Others argue that this support should come from other sources, such as private or corporate funding. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

I want to talk about supporting people that they have different talent. I imagine those who have expertise can help to show our culture to another country. Some work are very important for showing culture for example: art, music, dance and so on. Some people think government should help people’s creative and this helping is very fine for growing culture. In my view regarding this point is right. I suppose government can have good effect in growing culture. Encourage of government can make a lot of goal for people. Every body need to supporter and definitely government is best choice for supporting especially with bailouts because any person need to peace for working. On the other hand some people believe subscription should be from another source. For instance: campaigns, companies, rich person and so on. In my view different group can to help for growing country with showing culture. There are a lot of ways for developing. We can research about ways and continue ways. All people are effective in growing their culture. Some people know about advertising or playing musical instrument or singing and so on. Generally I think every body try to growing culture because it is very important for country future even children future since children have a right to know old culture. Otherwise government is in charge regarding develop and supports plan for growing culture. I think culture is mesmerizing because any country has a special culture. There are a lot of culture in different country and knowing there is very exciting for us.
Words: 258Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/19/2023, 12:51 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay attempts to discuss both views on whether government or private funding should support cultural growth, but lacks clear organization and logical progression of ideas. There are abrupt transitions and repetition of ideas that hinder coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure logical sequencing of ideas within paragraphs, avoiding abrupt transitions and ensuring each sentence flows logically to the next.
  • Avoid repetition of ideas by planning the essay structure in advance, ensuring each paragraph contributes a unique point to the overall argument.
  • Use linking words and phrases (e.g., 'Firstly', 'Moreover', 'In contrast', 'Therefore') to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs, making the argument easier to follow.
  • Begin with a clear introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed, ensuring that the reader understands the structure of the essay from the start.
  • Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the main idea being discussed, which will guide the reader through your argument.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary with some attempts at using less common words. However, there are frequent errors in word choice and word form, which sometimes obscure meaning. The repetition of words and phrases, such as 'growing culture' and 'government', limits the lexical resource.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid repetition by using a wider range of vocabulary and expressions to convey similar ideas.
  • Pay attention to word forms and collocations to ensure correct usage, such as 'supporting people who have different talents' instead of 'supporting people that they have different talent'.
  • Practice using more precise and varied language to express ideas, for example, replace 'encourage of government' with 'government encouragement'.
  • Expand vocabulary range by learning synonyms and different expressions for commonly used words like 'support', 'government', and 'culture'.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a limited grammatical range with frequent errors in sentence structure, verb forms, and article usage. There are several instances of incorrect sentence constructions and awkward phrasing that hinder comprehension.

Recommendations:

  • Work on varying sentence lengths and types to enhance the grammatical range and maintain reader interest.
  • Improve the use of articles ('a', 'an', 'the') to ensure they are used correctly in context.
  • Develop a better understanding of verb forms and tense consistency throughout the essay.
  • Review and practice correct sentence structures, focusing on subject-verb agreement and the use of complex sentences.

Task Achievement5.0

The essay attempts to address the task by discussing both views on the financial support for cultural growth, but it lacks clarity and depth in its arguments. The writer expresses a preference for government support but does not fully develop or justify this opinion with specific examples or detailed reasoning. The discussion of alternative funding sources is also underdeveloped.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates directly to the task prompt, and use linking words to connect ideas logically.
  • Clearly state the main argument for each view and provide specific examples or evidence to support these points. For instance, explain how government funding has successfully promoted cultural growth in specific cases.
  • Develop a more structured approach to discussing both views. Start with a clear introduction, followed by paragraphs dedicated to each viewpoint, and conclude with a well-justified personal opinion.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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