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BAND 5.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ANALYZING ONLINE SHOPPING IMPACT ON TRADITIONAL STORES

Explore the pros and cons of online shopping in our IELTS essay sample. We discuss the convenience and growth of e-commerce, while also weighing the potential risks. Dive in to understand why the benefits of online shopping may outweigh the drawbacks in today's fast-paced lifestyle.

Writing Task

In today's world, online shopping has become increasingly popular, affecting traditional brick-and-mortar stores negatively. Some people argue that this trend has more disadvantages than advantages, while others think it is beneficial for both consumers and businesses. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

It's argued about the advantages and disadvantages aspect of online shopping nowadays. Some people believe this phenomenon cause we face to bad consequences while, others interest to modern life style and they believe the positive aspects of online shopping outweigh of negative aspects. I think so the advantages of this event are more than the disadvantages to some extent. Firstly, in industrial notations the pace of life is faster then past therfore we do not have enough time to go shopping in person. Secondly, nowadays healthy rivalry is the most important thing for business promoting and online shopping is the state of the art of equipment to competition. According to this two main reasons the benefits aspects of online shopping fits to our modern lifestyle. On the other hand online shopping can lead us to some problems. The first thing is we should find trustable site and application to use our debit cards or credit cards which, we fill out the payment form. The other consequence we encounter with is sometimes the pictures of products don't match with original products so we should be confirming to purchase somethings which, have clear and complete features of product. Therefore when somebody want to purchase something in online shopping can take steps to tackle of these problems. In conclusion, according to pros and cons of online shopping, it seems the vanity ways to shopping more fast. We can compare the futures of each product so we have various choices. On the other hand when somebody want to select online shopping for purchasing should be face a range of considerations to have successful shopping. According to these reasons I my opinion the benefits of online shopping outweigh the drawbacks
Words: 285Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/17/2023, 06:13 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay attempts to discuss both views on online shopping and provides a personal opinion. However, the coherence and cohesion are compromised due to unclear paragraphing, abrupt transitions, and lack of clear topic sentences.

Recommendations:

  • Improve the use of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between sentences and ideas.
  • Develop clear topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader through the argument.
  • Ensure that each paragraph logically follows the previous one, maintaining a clear progression of ideas.
  • Use clear and distinct paragraphs for each main point or argument to enhance structure.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary with some attempts to use less common lexical items. However, the vocabulary is often used inaccurately or inappropriately, affecting clarity and precision. There are several instances of incorrect word forms, collocations, and awkward phrasing, which hinder the overall lexical cohesion.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid repetition by using synonyms or rephrasing ideas, such as replacing 'online shopping' with 'e-commerce' or 'digital retail.'
  • Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve coherence and cohesion in your arguments.
  • Review and practice using correct word forms, such as nouns, verbs, adjectives, and adverbs, to avoid errors like 'benefits aspects' instead of 'beneficial aspects.'
  • Expand your vocabulary by learning synonyms and antonyms, and practice using them in different contexts to improve precision.
  • Pay attention to collocations and ensure that words commonly used together are paired correctly (e.g., 'modern lifestyle' instead of 'modern life style').

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, with frequent errors in sentence construction, verb tense, and agreement. The sentences often lack complexity and are generally simple or compound, with limited use of complex structures. These issues affect the clarity and coherence of the arguments presented.

Recommendations:

  • Use punctuation marks correctly, especially commas, to separate clauses and enhance readability.
  • Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency to ensure grammatical accuracy throughout the essay.
  • Avoid run-on sentences by breaking them into smaller, grammatically correct sentences or using proper conjunctions.
  • Improve sentence structure by incorporating a variety of complex sentences, using relative clauses, subordinating conjunctions, and conditional sentences to express ideas more clearly and logically.

Task Achievement5.0

The essay addresses the task prompt by discussing both views on online shopping. It presents arguments for both the advantages and disadvantages of online shopping, and the writer's opinion is clearly stated. However, the arguments are not fully developed, and some points lack clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Make sure that the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces your opinion.
  • Ensure that the discussion of both views is balanced and comprehensive, providing equal depth to both sides of the argument.
  • Clarify the main points by avoiding vague statements and ensuring logical connections between ideas.
  • Develop each point with specific examples or explanations to clearly illustrate the advantages and disadvantages of online shopping.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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