BAND 8.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: DISCOVER MY NEW APARTMENT MOVE - REASONS, DESCRIPTION & INVITATION

Explore our IELTS essay sample with a band score of 8.5. Discover Adam's reasoning and descriptive language as he explains his exciting new move to an apartment. Perfect for IELTS prep, highlighting the use of vocabulary, complex sentences and coherence.

Writing Task

You have recently moved to a new apartment. Write a letter to your friend telling them about the move. In your letter, include: - The reason for your move - A brief description of your new apartment - An invitation to visit you

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 7.0 Scoring and Feedback

Dear Ashley, I hope you are in the pink of your health. Do you recall this apartment I told you about a few weeks back? Well, guess what I finally took the brave decision and moved into it. While it sounds crazy because of the ridiculous ask, I had my reasons to shift. Firstly, the apartment is in close proximity to my office so it is much easier to commute back and forth. Not only the location is magnificent, but also it is quite spacious and comfortable. Let me tell you more about the place, it is a 2-bedroom apartment with huge balconies and a modular kitchen. Apart from this, the living room has a home theatre installed which is just awesome to watch movies on. Additionally, it is equipped with high-tech security systems, thus the place is impenetrable. With that being said, let's catch up soon! I'm dying to show you my new place. See you soon. Best Wishes, Adam Sandler
Words: 162Paragraphs: 3
Submitted: 7/15/2023, 06:10 PM

Coherence And Cohesion7.0

The essay maintains a logical flow of information, with each paragraph addressing a specific point from the prompt. The transition between ideas is mostly smooth, and the use of linking words and phrases contributes to the overall coherence of the letter. However, some areas could benefit from improved clarity and connection between sentences.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea, which helps the reader anticipate the content.
  • Use more varied linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs, such as 'Moreover', 'In addition', or 'Furthermore', to enhance the flow.
  • Avoid abrupt transitions between paragraphs by providing a concluding sentence that links back to the main idea of the paragraph or leads into the next point.

Lexical Resource7.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with some effective use of idiomatic expressions and descriptive language. Phrases like 'in the pink of your health,' 'ridiculous ask,' 'close proximity,' 'modular kitchen,' and 'high-tech security systems' showcase a decent lexical resource. However, there are areas where the word choice could be more precise or varied to enhance clarity and impact.

Recommendations:

  • Consider using more idiomatic expressions to enhance the informal tone of the letter, which can make the letter more engaging.
  • Use more varied and precise vocabulary to avoid repetition, such as replacing 'place' with synonyms like 'residence' or 'home.'
  • Ensure correct collocation use, such as replacing 'ridiculous ask' with 'high asking price' or 'expensive rent' for clarity.

Grammatical Range7.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and varied sentence types. However, there are some grammatical errors that affect clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Use appropriate punctuation to separate clauses, for instance, 'Well, guess what I finally took the brave decision and moved into it.' could be clearer with a comma: 'Well, guess what, I finally took the brave decision and moved into it.'
  • Vary sentence structures more by using different types of clauses, such as relative clauses, to add more depth to the description.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement in sentences, such as 'Not only the location is magnificent, but also it is quite spacious and comfortable.' should be 'Not only is the location magnificent, but it is also quite spacious and comfortable.'

Task Achievement7.0

The letter addresses all three parts of the task prompt: the reason for the move, a description of the new apartment, and an invitation to visit. The writer explains the move was due to the apartment's proximity to work and provides a brief description, including specific features like the number of bedrooms and amenities. The invitation is clear and friendly, fulfilling the task's requirements.

Recommendations:

  • Provide more detailed reasons for the move, such as specific challenges faced at the previous residence, to enhance clarity and depth.
  • Include more details about the location or neighborhood to give a fuller picture of the new environment.
GRADED
7.0
Coherence and Cohesion:7.0
Lexical Resource:7.0
Grammatical Range:7.0
Task Achievement:7.0
Band Score:7.0
Coherence and Cohesion7
Logical structure7
Introduction & conclusion present7
Supported main points7
Accurate linking words7
Variety in linking words7
Lexical Resource7
Varied vocabulary7
Accurate spelling & word formation7
Grammatical Range7
Mix of complex & simple sentences7
Clear and correct grammar7
Task Achievement7
Complete response7
Clear & comprehensive ideas7
Relevant & specific examples7
Appropriate word count7
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