BAND 7.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: EFFICIENT TECHNIQUES FOR WRITING A COMPLAINT LETTER TO A STORE - ELECTRONICS PURCHASE ISSUE

Explore a Band 7.5 IELTS essay sample dealing effectively with a product issue. Understand how to present a complaint and request a product replacement in a professional and assertive way. This model essay provides key insights into handling customer service communication for IELTS.

Writing Task

You recently purchased a piece of electronic equipment from a local store, but after using it for a few days, you found that it had some issues. Write a letter to the store manager. In your letter: 1. Describe the electronic equipment you purchased. 2. Explain the problem you are facing. 3. Request a solution or compensation for the issue.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 7.0 Scoring and Feedback

Hi, I hope this email finds you well. I am writing to bring to your attention the details of a problem that I have with one of the electronic items that I recently purchased from your store. On the last summer sale of your store, I purchased a vacuum cleaner robot (model k560). After a few days of using it, I noticed some problems regarding the device. First, it does not charge itself automatically as it is supposed to do so. I read the vacuum cleaner's manual carefully, and it stated that after finishing the task, the robot should return to its charging hub automatically and charge itself. Instead, it stops working and I had to place it on the charger manually. Moreover, I realized that there are abnormal noises from the device, in addition to the normal vacuuming noise from its engine, making it really annoying while working. I assumed there should be a manufacturing problem with the device as it happened a few days after my purchase. I returned the item to the store and ask for a replacement, however, your employee rejected my request. The only solution that they provided me was to use my warranty service and sent it back to the manufacturer. As it was a new item and I am sure that the item was defective at first, I want to replace it for a new one rather than send it to the warranty services. Also, I checked your website and read the return policies regarding any electronic items, it is clearly stated that all of the electronic items are eligible for return after 30 days of their purchase. Thus, I want to kindly ask you to accept my return request and provide me with a new one. For your reference, I have the receipt and the original packaging of the item. I can send the receipt via email upon your request. I am looking forward to hearing from you as soon as possible. Kind regards, Hesam
Words: 333Paragraphs: 5
Submitted: 7/21/2023, 05:36 PM

Coherence And Cohesion6.5

The letter generally follows a logical structure, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The issues with the electronic equipment are described in a sequential manner, and the request for a solution is clearly stated. However, there are some areas where coherence and cohesion can be improved to enhance the overall flow of the letter.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that sentences within the paragraph support this idea. For instance, the paragraph describing the problems could be split into two for clarity: one for the charging issue and one for the noise issue.
  • Use more linking words to connect ideas and sentences, such as 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' 'Furthermore,' or 'Additionally,' to clearly distinguish between different points and improve the flow of the letter.
  • Improve the transition between paragraphs by using transitional phrases that guide the reader through the letter. For example, use phrases like 'In light of these issues' to transition from describing the problem to requesting a solution.

Lexical Resource7.0

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, using appropriate terms to describe the situation and the device's issues. However, there are some repetitive word choices and opportunities for more varied vocabulary to enhance the writing.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate more advanced vocabulary related to consumer electronics and customer service, such as 'malfunctioning', 'defective', 'customer satisfaction', and 'compensation' to enrich the lexical resource.
  • Consider using more descriptive adjectives and adverbs to provide a clearer picture of the issues, like 'persistently' for 'stops working' or 'unexpectedly loud' for 'abnormal noises'.
  • Use synonyms or varied expressions to avoid repetition, such as using 'malfunction' instead of 'problem' and 'device' instead of 'item' in some instances.

Grammatical Range6.5

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and proper tense usage. However, there are some areas where grammatical accuracy could be improved.

Recommendations:

  • Use articles appropriately, for example, 'a manufacturing problem' instead of 'manufacturing problem' to ensure grammatical correctness.
  • Avoid run-on sentences by breaking them into shorter, clearer sentences to improve readability and grammatical accuracy.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement in all sentences, such as 'I returned the item to the store and ask for a replacement' should be 'asked' to maintain past tense consistency.

Task Achievement7.0

The letter effectively addresses the task prompt by describing the purchased electronic equipment, explaining the problems encountered, and clearly requesting a solution. The writer provides specific details about the vacuum cleaner model, the issues faced, and the interaction with the store's employee, which adds clarity and relevance to the task. The request for a replacement and reference to the store's return policy demonstrate a good understanding of the task requirements.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that the request for a solution is concise and directly linked to the issues described to enhance clarity and focus.
  • Include more details about the purchase date and the initial experience with the product to strengthen the description and context of the issue.
GRADED
7.0
Coherence and Cohesion:6.5
Lexical Resource:7.0
Grammatical Range:6.5
Task Achievement:7.0
Band Score:7.0
Coherence and Cohesion6.5
Logical structure7
Introduction & conclusion present6
Supported main points7
Accurate linking words6
Variety in linking words7
Lexical Resource7
Varied vocabulary7
Accurate spelling & word formation7
Grammatical Range6.5
Mix of complex & simple sentences7
Clear and correct grammar6
Task Achievement7
Complete response7
Clear & comprehensive ideas7
Relevant & specific examples7
Appropriate word count7
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