BAND 7.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: WRITING A LETTER ON IMPROVING CONFERENCE EXPERIENCE - ISSUES & SOLUTIONS

Get expert insights into a Band 7.0 IELTS essay sample where a conference attendee shares feedback about a meeting room's facilities. Improve your IELTS writing skills, understand how to express issues constructively and learn the importance of regular facility checks.

Writing Task

You recently attended a conference in another city and found out that the conference room had several issues affecting the experience of the attendees. Write a letter to the conference organizer, in which you: 1. Describe the conference you attended. 2. Explain the problems you faced in the conference room. 3. Suggest some improvements that can be made to enhance the conference experience for future events.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

Dear Organizer, I'm writing this mail to you to inform you about some issues relating to the meeting room we have used for the past conference. Firstly, one of the biggest problem with big room is that there should be a microphone for the speaker to use, gladly your boardroom had one, however it seems to be broken as we can not turn it on or connect it to the amplifier. I suggest you have better preparation for your guess and do regular facility checks. Secondly, there was some issue with the screen, the projector and the screen did not line up properly, we had to fix it ourself so it consumed a large amount of time. The screen had some scrath marks that cause us some trouble with reading the contents of our presentation. As i have mentioned above, you should do weekly or even daiky facility check to ensure the quality of your equipments. Hope to hear from you soon. Yours truly, Khue.
Words: 165Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/15/2023, 12:06 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay generally follows a logical sequence, presenting issues with the conference room and suggesting improvements. However, transitions between points are abrupt, and ideas could be better linked to enhance coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Introduce the purpose of the letter more clearly at the beginning to guide the reader through the content.
  • Conclude the letter with a summary or a call to action to reinforce the main points and improve cohesion.
  • Use linking words and phrases such as 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' or 'Moreover' to connect sentences and paragraphs smoothly.
  • Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea to improve clarity and flow.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary with some errors in word choice and spelling, which occasionally hinder clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Use more formal language to suit the context, such as replacing 'gladly your boardroom had one' with 'fortunately, your boardroom was equipped with one'.
  • Improve spelling accuracy, particularly for words like 'scrath' which should be 'scratch', and 'daiky' which should be 'daily'.
  • Expand vocabulary to use more precise and varied language, such as replacing 'biggest problem' with 'major issue' or 'significant challenge'.
  • Practice using more complex lexical items and phrases to convey meaning more effectively, such as 'facility checks' could be expanded to 'routine maintenance checks'.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures with some errors in subject-verb agreement, sentence structure, and punctuation. The writer uses simple and compound sentences but lacks complex sentence structures.

Recommendations:

  • Review plural forms and articles usage, such as 'a microphone' and 'the equipment' to ensure accuracy.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement is correct, for example, 'one of the biggest problems' instead of 'one of the biggest problem.'
  • Use complex sentences to enhance grammatical range, such as using relative clauses or subordinating conjunctions.
  • Pay attention to punctuation, particularly in compound sentences, to improve clarity and sentence flow.

Task Achievement5.0

The letter addresses the task prompt by mentioning the conference and describing specific issues encountered, such as the broken microphone and misaligned projector screen. However, it lacks comprehensive details about the conference itself and could benefit from more structured suggestions for improvement.

Recommendations:

  • Provide more structured and detailed suggestions for improvements, focusing on practical steps the organizer can take.
  • Include more specific details about the conference, such as its purpose, location, or duration, to give context to the issues described.
  • Clearly outline the problems with more specific examples and details to enhance understanding and engagement.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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