BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: WRITING A COMPLAINT LETTER TO A MANAGER FOR MALFUNCTIONING KITCHEN EQUIPMENT PURCHASE

Explore an authentic Band 6.5 IELTS essay sample. This detailed review on a defective coffee machine purchase reveals essential writing skills for IELTS aspirants. Uncover strategies for effective complaint formulation and resolution inquiries in a respectful manner. Perfect for IELTS preparation.

Writing Task

You recently bought a piece of equipment for your kitchen, but it did not work properly. You phoned the store, but no action was taken. Write a letter to the store manager regarding this issue. In your letter: - Describe the equipment you purchased and the problem you faced - Explain what happened when you phoned the store - Suggest what you would like the store manager to do about the situation

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

Dear store manager I respectfully inform you that I bought a coffee machine from your store three days ago. The operator tested the device for me, but when I got home, I noticed a break in a small part of the device. I immediately called the store's contact number and the customer response section and explained the problem. A man named Jones promised that he would definitely contact me to investigate the matter, but after three days there is still no news! I think the after sales service of your store is performing poorly and you should give better training to your colleagues. Thank you for guiding me on this matter. Is it possible to replace this device with another brand? Can I get my money back? The fact is that the way your colleague responded made me think that I should buy from another place. However, I am waiting for your reply.
Words: 153Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/19/2023, 05:36 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The letter provides a clear description of the problem with the coffee machine and the lack of action from the store, but the organization of ideas could be improved for better coherence. The letter begins by describing the purchase and the problem, then moves to the interaction with the store, and finally to the resolution sought. However, the transition between these sections is abrupt, and the letter lacks cohesive devices and linking words to guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next.

Recommendations:

  • Consider using paragraphs to separate different sections of the letter, such as the description of the problem, the store's response, and your suggested solutions.
  • Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea or aspect of the issue to enhance clarity and coherence.
  • Use cohesive devices such as 'firstly', 'next', 'then', and 'finally' to clearly indicate the progression of ideas and improve the flow of the letter.
  • Include linking words and phrases like 'however', 'in addition', and 'as a result' to connect sentences and paragraphs more effectively.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary relevant to the task, but there is room for improvement in terms of precision and variety of language used.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid repetition of words such as 'store' and 'device' by using synonyms or rephrasing. For instance, use 'appliance' instead of 'device' and 'establishment' instead of 'store.'
  • Incorporate more specific and varied vocabulary related to customer service and product issues to enhance clarity and precision. For example, instead of saying 'a break in a small part of the device,' you could say 'a crack in the water reservoir of the coffee machine.'
  • Use more formal and varied expressions to convey dissatisfaction and requests for action. For example, replace 'I think the after sales service of your store is performing poorly' with 'I am quite disappointed with the after-sales service provided by your store.'

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures with generally accurate usage, but lacks complexity and variety. Most sentences are simple or compound, with limited use of complex structures, which restricts the grammatical range.

Recommendations:

  • Vary sentence length and structure to avoid repetition and improve the flow of the writing.
  • Use a wider range of verb forms and tenses to express different time frames and actions more effectively.
  • Incorporate more complex sentence structures, such as relative clauses or conditional sentences, to enhance grammatical variety.

Task Achievement5.0

The letter addresses the task prompt by describing the equipment and the issue, explaining the lack of response from the store after a phone call, and suggesting solutions. However, it lacks specific details about the equipment and the problem, and the suggestions are somewhat indirect.

Recommendations:

  • Include a polite closing statement to reinforce the request for a resolution and maintain a formal tone.
  • Provide a more detailed description of the equipment and the specific problem encountered to give the reader a clearer understanding of the issue.
  • Clearly state your desired resolution, such as a replacement or refund, to ensure the store manager understands your expectations.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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