BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: WRITING A COMPLAINT LETTER ABOUT A DAMAGED PRODUCT PURCHASE - EFFECTIVE APPROACH & TIPS

Explore our IELTS band 6.5 essay sample about experiencing technical issues with a purchased product at Argos shopping centre. Gain insights on how to express dissatisfaction and request a product replacement in a formal letter. Perfect for those preparing for their IELTS writing test.

Writing Task

You recently purchased a product from a local store, but when you got home, you found that the product is damaged. Write a letter to the store manager regarding the issue. In your letter, include: - a description of the purchased product - the problems you encountered with the product - what actions you expect the store to take

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

Hello Argos shopping centre manager Last day I've purchased a hairdryer from your shopping centre but unfortunately it seems it's spinning mood doesn't work. The model is Mz150 which has a whirling head for curling hear during drying process. Although it produced enough heat and worked fine in drying mood, it doesnt spinning. when I plugged it in and pushed the spinning buttom, it whirled for a short time and then stopped. At first i thought i did it wrongly but since i move the wire it starts again. So i think the problem is from its wire and from spinning motor or push bottom. As the device is in the guarantee, i hope you change it for me. I attached the address to end of this letter and i ask you to pick it up from my home on Thursday afternoon and bring me a new and fit one.
Words: 150Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/19/2023, 07:21 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The letter lacks a clear and logical structure, making it difficult for the reader to follow the sequence of ideas. The introduction is abrupt, and there are no clear paragraph breaks to separate different ideas or sections of the letter. The transition from describing the product to discussing the problem is not smooth, and the request for action is not clearly linked to the preceding content.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure each paragraph starts with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph and use linking words to connect ideas smoothly.
  • Conclude the letter with a clear closing sentence or paragraph that summarizes the request and provides a polite closing.
  • Begin the letter with a formal salutation and a brief introduction to set the context for the reader.
  • Use clear paragraph breaks to separate the description of the product, the problems encountered, and the actions expected. This will help in organizing the content logically.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary with some attempt to use less common words and phrases, such as 'whirling head' and 'produced enough heat'. However, there are noticeable errors in word choice and spelling that hinder clarity, such as 'spinning mood' instead of 'spinning mode', and 'hear' instead of 'hair'.

Recommendations:

  • Use synonyms to avoid repetition and enhance lexical resource, for example, using 'device' instead of repeating 'product'.
  • Expand vocabulary range by incorporating more precise and varied expressions for describing product issues, like using 'malfunctioned' instead of 'doesn't spinning'.
  • Ensure correct usage of technical terms related to the product, such as 'push button' instead of 'push bottom'.
  • Review and correct spelling errors to ensure clarity and accuracy, such as 'spinning mood' to 'spinning mode' and 'hear' to 'hair'.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, with frequent errors in sentence structure, verb tense, and punctuation, which can impede understanding.

Recommendations:

  • Use consistent verb tenses, like 'it doesnt spinning' should be 'it doesn't spin' or 'it isn't spinning'.
  • Pay attention to punctuation, especially with apostrophes and commas, e.g., 'doesn't' should have an apostrophe.
  • Improve sentence structure by avoiding run-on sentences, such as 'when I plugged it in and pushed the spinning buttom, it whirled for a short time and then stopped' could be broken into clearer, shorter sentences.
  • Use a variety of complex and compound sentences to enhance grammatical range, for example, by using conjunctions appropriately.
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement in sentences, such as 'Last day I've purchased' should be 'Last day I purchased' or 'I have purchased'.

Task Achievement5.0

The letter addresses the task prompt by providing a description of the purchased product, the problem encountered, and the action expected from the store. However, the level of detail and clarity could be improved to fully achieve the task requirements.

Recommendations:

  • Provide a more detailed and clear description of the product, including the purchase date and any other relevant details like the price or receipt number to help the store manager identify the purchase.
  • Clearly outline the problems encountered with the product by elaborating on the issue with the spinning function and how it affects the use of the product.
  • Specify the actions you expect the store to take more clearly, such as whether you expect a replacement, repair, or refund, and provide a clear deadline for these actions.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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