BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: LETTER TO RESTAURANT MANAGER ABOUT UNPLEASANT DINING EXPERIENCE

Explore a sample IELTS essay with a band 6.5 score discussing a personal experience in a restaurant. Our content provides insights on how to structure IELTS essays, express dissatisfaction, and handle social norms violations in dining encounters. Perfect for IELTS aspirants aiming to improve their writing skills.

Writing Task

You recently visited a restaurant with your family for a special dinner but had an unpleasant experience. Write a letter to the restaurant manager, detailing your experience. In your letter: - Explain the reason for the special dinner - Describe the issues you encountered during the visit - Suggest what the restaurant can do to improve its service and ensure such situations do not occur in the future.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

Dear Manager of X Restaurant, I am writing to inform you about unreasonable and unacceptable unpleasant experience we had in your restaurant during last few days. We gathered in your restaurant for the purpose of celebrating birthday anniversary of my best friend Emma. We had great pleasant start with some drinks and salads. While we ordered the dinner, I noticed that waiter is started to have small talks with my friend which is only 19 years old and started the university recently. I took this manner as part of being social, and interaction that usually young ladies and young men may have. I noticed that this behavior of waiter has no end and he was trying to get mobile number of my friend while we were in the restaurant for dinner but not for the dating. We managed to escape from this situation, by ordering some extra foods to the waiter. I believe that such manner of the waiter was out of social norms, firstly because of the lack of respect for privacy, secondly because of lack of respect, thirdly because they broke the trust. I believe that you may increase level of the services, if you learn to your family to respect other people's privacy. Best regards, Vahid
Words: 209Paragraphs: 5
Submitted: 7/19/2023, 03:00 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay attempts to follow a coherent structure by addressing the prompt's requirements in a logical order: reason for the dinner, issues encountered, and suggestions for improvement. However, there are several issues with cohesion and clarity that hinder the overall flow and understanding of the letter.

Recommendations:

  • Maintain consistent tense usage throughout the essay to ensure clarity. For example, the shift from past to present tense in describing the waiter’s actions could be confusing.
  • Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly. For example, use 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' and 'Finally' to list reasons or suggestions, and words like 'However' or 'Moreover' to connect contrasting or additional points.
  • Clarify pronoun references to avoid confusion. For instance, when mentioning 'my friend,' ensure it is clear who is being referred to, as the essay currently shifts between 'my friend' and 'my best friend Emma' without clear distinctions.
  • Ensure clear paragraphing. Use separate paragraphs for each main point: one for the reason for the dinner, one for the issues encountered, and one for suggestions. This will enhance readability and organization.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary with some attempts at using less common lexical items. However, there are several instances of incorrect word choice and awkward phrasing that affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid repetition of words and phrases, such as 'lack of respect,' by using synonyms or rephrasing to maintain reader engagement.
  • Expand vocabulary range by reading more extensively and incorporating a variety of adjectives and verbs to convey meaning more precisely.
  • Work on using more precise and appropriate expressions to describe experiences, such as 'unpleasant experience' instead of 'unreasonable and unacceptable unpleasant experience.'
  • Improve word choice accuracy by learning common collocations and practicing with synonyms to ensure words fit the context appropriately.

Grammatical Range4.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures with frequent errors that may impede understanding. There are issues with sentence construction, verb forms, and agreement that affect clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Use a wider range of sentence types, including complex and compound sentences, to enhance the grammatical range. For example, instead of 'We had great pleasant start with some drinks and salads. While we ordered the dinner...', consider 'We had a pleasant start with drinks and salads; however, as we ordered dinner...' to better connect ideas.
  • Pay attention to article use and noun phrases. For example, 'celebrating birthday anniversary of my best friend Emma' should be 'celebrating the birthday of my best friend, Emma.'
  • Correct preposition use, such as 'in the restaurant for dinner but not for the dating', which should be 'at the restaurant for dinner, not for dating.'
  • Work on sentence structure to ensure that sentences are complete and correctly formed. For example, 'I am writing to inform you about unreasonable and unacceptable unpleasant experience we had in your restaurant during last few days.' should be revised to 'I am writing to inform you about the unreasonable and unacceptable experience we had at your restaurant a few days ago.'
  • Improve verb tense consistency and subject-verb agreement. For instance, 'waiter is started to have small talks' should be 'waiter started to have small talk.'

Task Achievement5.0

The letter addresses the task prompt by explaining the reason for the visit, describing the issues encountered, and suggesting improvements for the restaurant. However, the explanation of the issues lacks depth, and the suggestions for improvement are not very specific.

Recommendations:

  • Provide more specific details about the issues encountered during the visit to give a clearer picture of the experience.
  • Offer more concrete and actionable suggestions for improvement, such as specific training for staff or changes in restaurant policies.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:4.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range4
Mix of complex & simple sentences4
Clear and correct grammar4
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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