BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: LETTER OF DISSATISFACTION ON PROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT SEMINAR EXPERIENCE

Access our IELTS band 6.5 essay sample discussing a recent development seminar. Explore incisive feedback on rig-related problems and suggestions for advanced, relevant equipment presentations. Ideal for IELTS preparation and study.

Writing Task

You recently attended a professional development seminar, but you were not satisfied with the overall experience. Write a letter to the event organizer to express your dissatisfaction. In your letter, include: - The seminar details (title, date, and location) - The issues you faced during the event - Suggestions for improvements for future seminars

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

Dear Organizer, I am writing to you regarding recent development seminar. On the name of "The latest Method to Mitigating Drilling Problem" performed on July 6th in the nearby city, Michigan. Having been attended in such professional seminar was grateful to me, but it was beyond my though. I mean, in spite of the title, which was ace, unfortunately, the whole content presented in the seminar was irrelevant to the topic. In addition, everyone expected, including me, the presenter talked about the current problem we have on the rigs,such as heavy loss mud, sticking drill strings and the worst one blowout the well, and defined some cutting-edge related appliances to lesson the mentioned problems. Apart from all that being said, I,personally,expected and requested the organizer considering cited issue in the upcoming meetings and focused more on beneficial, related and state-of-the-art equipment. Because the previous seminar was really basic and was beyond our expectations. yours sincerely, Mr. Hasani
Words: 157Paragraphs: 4
Submitted: 7/21/2023, 10:36 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay attempts to follow a logical structure, beginning with an introduction, followed by specific issues, and concluding with suggestions. However, there are several areas where coherence and cohesion can be improved. The essay lacks clear paragraphing, which affects the flow of ideas. The transitions between the sections are abrupt, and there is a lack of cohesive devices to link ideas smoothly. Additionally, the essay does not clearly delineate different points, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.

Recommendations:

  • Use pronouns and referencing words effectively to avoid repetition and maintain cohesion.
  • Incorporate cohesive devices (e.g., 'Firstly', 'Additionally', 'Moreover') to link ideas and sections smoothly.
  • Ensure each sentence logically follows from the previous one to maintain a clear flow of ideas.
  • Use clear paragraphing to separate the introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary with some attempts to use less common words. However, there are frequent errors in word choice and word formation, which sometimes impede meaning.

Recommendations:

  • Expand your range of vocabulary related to the seminar topic to express ideas more precisely, such as using 'state-of-the-art techniques' instead of 'cutting-edge related appliances'.
  • Avoid repetition and use synonyms to enhance lexical resource, such as using 'anticipated' instead of repeating 'expected'.
  • Improve word choice by using more precise and appropriate vocabulary to convey your ideas clearly. For example, replace 'grateful to me' with 'a beneficial experience'.
  • Work on word formation errors, such as 'having been attended' which should be 'attending' and 'lesson' which should be 'lessen'.

Grammatical Range4.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures with several noticeable inaccuracies, such as incorrect verb forms, inappropriate use of articles, and sentence fragments.

Recommendations:

  • Correct article usage by adding or removing articles where necessary, like 'the recent development seminar' instead of 'recent development seminar'.
  • Use more complex sentence structures, such as compound or complex sentences, to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical ability.
  • Ensure pronoun consistency and clarity, for example, clarifying 'everyone expected, including me, the presenter talked...' to 'everyone, including myself, expected the presenter to talk...'.
  • Improve verb tense consistency, ensuring correct use of past and present tenses, such as using 'attended' instead of 'having been attended'.
  • Enhance sentence structure by avoiding fragments and ensuring each sentence has a clear subject and verb, such as rewriting 'On the name of...' to 'The seminar, titled...'

Task Achievement5.0

The letter addresses the task prompt by providing details of the seminar, issues faced, and suggestions for improvement. However, the response lacks clarity and some necessary information, such as the location of the seminar, is not presented clearly. The issues and suggestions are not elaborated sufficiently, impacting the overall effectiveness of the task achievement.

Recommendations:

  • Elaborate on the issues faced during the seminar with specific examples to make the dissatisfaction more convincing.
  • Provide more detailed and constructive suggestions for improvements, ensuring they are directly related to the issues mentioned.
  • Clearly state the seminar's location as required by the prompt to ensure all details are covered.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:4.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range4
Mix of complex & simple sentences4
Clear and correct grammar4
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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