BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: EFFECTIVE GUIDANCE ON FINDING SUITABLE HOUSING IN YOUR CITY

Explore our page for top-quality IELTS Essay samples scored at band 6.5. Our example showcases an effective essay on personal correspondence, housing affordability, and job opportunities. Perfect for IELTS aspirants seeking guidance on writing impactful essays.

Writing Task

You recently received a letter from a friend who is looking to move to your city for work and has asked for your advice on finding a suitable place to live. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter: - Explain why you think your city is a good place for them to move - Suggest some areas in the city where they could find suitable housing - Share any additional tips or advice for their house-hunting process

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

Hi Jack I gald to hear that you are planning to move here, and I delighted. Here, is the most convenient place for you because the price of renting and buying a house is affordable. In addition, there are plenty of vacancies related to your competency, and I am sure you will find a job as soon as you arrive here, as I know about your conditions. As you know, this area where I bought a house, has some useful features convincing you to decide to providing an accomedation over here such as proximity to the bazzare, the bus station is just around the corner, and the last but not the least, the subway is reachable withing less then a minute. As I do buying my own house here, I can guide you pretty well in order to make it easy for you during the process of purchaning the house. I introduce you to local real-estate agent, a friend of mine, that would be beneficial as well. Whenever you decide to start moving just keep me posted. Best Wishes
Words: 179Paragraphs: 5
Submitted: 7/21/2023, 06:59 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic logical structure, with an introduction, main body, and conclusion. However, there are issues with the use of cohesive devices and paragraphing, which affect the overall coherence and cohesion.

Recommendations:

  • Improve paragraphing by clearly separating the introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea.
  • Clarify the sequence of ideas to ensure logical progression, ensuring each point leads naturally to the next. For instance, ensure that the reason for moving is followed by specific suggestions for areas to live.
  • Use more cohesive devices to link ideas within and between sentences more effectively. For example, use connectors like 'firstly', 'secondly', 'finally', to organize the suggestions logically.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary with several spelling mistakes and incorrect word forms, which affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Improve word form usage, such as using 'purchasing' instead of 'purchaning' and 'introduce' instead of 'introduce you'. Practice using words in different forms and contexts to enhance accuracy.
  • Include more descriptive adjectives and adverbs to enrich your writing, for example, instead of 'good place', use 'an ideal location' or 'excellent choice'. This will make your writing more engaging and precise.
  • Expand your range of vocabulary by learning synonyms and using more varied language to express ideas more precisely.
  • Pay attention to spelling errors such as 'gald' (glad), 'accomedation' (accommodation), 'bazzare' (bazaar), and 'withing' (within). Use tools or resources to check spelling before finalizing your writing.

Grammatical Range4.0

The essay contains a variety of grammatical errors, including incorrect verb forms, subject-verb agreement issues, and problems with article usage. These errors hinder the clarity and coherence of the message.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure correct verb forms are used, such as 'As I do buying my own house here' which should be 'As I have bought my own house here.'
  • Improve article usage by including or omitting articles where necessary, for instance, 'providing an accomedation over here' should be 'providing accommodation over here.'
  • Use correct phrase structures, such as 'I introduce you to local real-estate agent, a friend of mine, that would be beneficial as well.' should be 'I will introduce you to a local real-estate agent, a friend of mine, which would be beneficial as well.'
  • Review subject-verb agreement rules, especially in sentences like 'I gald to hear that you are planning to move here, and I delighted.' which should be 'I am glad to hear that you are planning to move here, and I am delighted.'
  • Pay attention to spelling and typographical errors like 'gald,' 'accomedation,' and 'purchaning,' which should be 'glad,' 'accommodation,' and 'purchasing,' respectively.

Task Achievement5.0

The letter addresses all parts of the task prompt, providing reasons why the city is a good place to move, suggesting specific areas for housing, and offering additional advice for the house-hunting process. However, the explanations and suggestions are somewhat vague and lack specific details that would make the advice more practical and convincing.

Recommendations:

  • Provide more specific reasons and examples to support why the city is a good place to move, such as mentioning specific job opportunities or cultural attractions.
  • Include more detailed suggestions for areas to live, such as mentioning neighborhoods by name and describing their characteristics and amenities.
  • Enhance the additional tips by giving specific advice on the house-hunting process, such as how to negotiate prices or what to look for in a lease agreement.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:4.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range4
Mix of complex & simple sentences4
Clear and correct grammar4
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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