BAND 6.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: ADDRESSING A LETTER'S ERRORS AND SEEKING CLARIFICATION FOR A SCHOOL EVENT

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Writing Task

You recently received a letter from your child's school informing you about an upcoming event. However, the letter contains some errors and is not clear about certain details. Write a letter to the school principal, in which you: 1. Explain the purpose of your letter and the issues you found in the school's letter. 2. Ask for clarification about the event's date, time, and venue. 3. Suggest some improvements for future communication from the school to avoid confusion.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

Dear Principal, I am writing to you regarding the Letter I received last night about attending in annual anniversary. Unfortunately, the letter didn't explicitly refer to the date and place of attending in the anniversary. I am requesting the shcool's principal to clarify the date, place and the exact time for all children's parents in order to attend the party without difficulty. Today, with a dawn of modern technology, it would be beneficial if the school connected with the people by means of precious communication tools such as What's app, Telegram,E-mail and so on. Using these appliance not olny is fast in communication but if there is any problem pertitent to anything will also resolved quackly as well as in the case of travelling the family will on the road the social media would be great and all messages will be read and anwered in no time. I request this method is implimented in the future. Yours Sincerely
Words: 158Paragraphs: 6
Submitted: 7/19/2023, 05:25 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay attempts to address the task with a structured approach, but lacks clear organization and logical progression. The ideas are not clearly connected, and there are abrupt transitions between the points, making it difficult to follow the writer's line of reasoning.

Recommendations:

  • Employ cohesive devices such as linking words (e.g., 'firstly', 'moreover', 'finally') to guide the reader through the essay and show the relationship between ideas.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea of the paragraph, helping the reader understand the purpose of each section.
  • Improve the use of reference words (e.g., 'it', 'this', 'these') to maintain coherence and avoid repetition of the same nouns, which can disrupt the flow of the essay.
  • Use clear paragraphing to separate different points. For example, dedicate one paragraph to explaining the issues with the letter, another for requesting clarification, and a final one for suggesting improvements.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary with several spelling and word choice errors. There is some attempt to use less common vocabulary, but errors in word formation and usage affect clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Expand your range of vocabulary by learning synonyms and using them appropriately. For example, instead of 'precious communication tools,' consider 'effective communication channels.'
  • Practice using collocations correctly. For example, use 'attending the anniversary' instead of 'attending in annual anniversary.'
  • Ensure word choice aligns with formal letter tone. Replace informal expressions like 'What's app' with 'WhatsApp' and ensure formal tone is maintained throughout.
  • Improve spelling accuracy by proofreading or using spell-check tools. For instance, correct 'shcool's' to 'school's,' 'What's app' to 'WhatsApp,' 'appliance' to 'applications,' 'olny' to 'only,' 'pertitent' to 'pertinent,' 'quackly' to 'quickly,' 'anwered' to 'answered,' and 'implimented' to 'implemented.'

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, with frequent errors in sentence construction, verb forms, and word usage that hinder clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Enhance sentence variety by incorporating complex and compound sentences to better express ideas and relationships between them.
  • Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, ensuring that singular and plural subjects are matched with the correct verb forms.
  • Correct spelling errors, such as 'shcool' to 'school', 'olny' to 'only', 'pertitent' to 'pertinent', 'quackly' to 'quickly', 'anwered' to 'answered', and 'implimented' to 'implemented'.
  • Review and practice the correct use of prepositions, such as 'attend' instead of 'attending in' and 'at the anniversary' instead of 'in the anniversary.'
  • Improve verb tense consistency, ensuring past, present, and future tenses are used appropriately throughout the text.

Task Achievement5.0

The letter addresses the task prompt by identifying the issues in the school's letter, requesting clarification on specific details, and suggesting improvements. However, it lacks specificity and coherence in parts, affecting overall task achievement.

Recommendations:

  • Maintain a formal tone throughout the letter to match the context of writing to a school principal.
  • Clearly state the specific errors found in the school's letter to provide a comprehensive explanation of the issues.
  • Ensure that the request for clarification is detailed and addresses each aspect (date, time, venue) separately for clarity.
  • Provide concrete examples or suggestions for improving communication, such as specific tools or methods the school could use.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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