BAND 6.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: WRITING A COMPLAINT LETTER TO COURIER COMPANY ABOUT DAMAGED PACKAGE

Explore our IELTS essay sample with a band 6.0 score. Addressing a complaint about package damage, it demonstrates effective communication skills valuable to success in the IELTS test. Our samples help you understand scoring and improve your writing skills.

Writing Task

You recently received a large package by courier at your home. Unfortunately, the package was damaged when it arrived, and some of the contents were broken. Write a letter to the courier company. In your letter: - Describe the package and the damage that occurred - Explain the effects the damage had on the contents - Request appropriate compensation for the damaged items

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

Hello dear Mr thech, Last day, I received my package that transferred by your company and after unboxing I discovered that goods totally have been destroyed. Unfortunately, at this time I can’t evaluate the exact amount of damages. In this package I had a very memorable and priceless stuff which inherited from my grandmother. The tangible and countable value of this legacy is more than 1000$ but spiritual value is unconditional. Well, actually i was waiting eagerly to receive one the precious family legacy but i received a broken one which don’t have any value so its good-for-nothing at all. At the first step, I want to know who is in charge and who must be responsible for this damage? At the second step, I want to talk with the answerable one. At the end I want inform me who and in which time your company will pay back my remedy? Thanks in advance, Elahe Sharif
Words: 156Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/21/2023, 11:05 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay attempts to follow a logical structure, addressing the task prompt's points in a sequential manner. However, the coherence is weakened by abrupt transitions and a lack of clear paragraphing, which hinders the flow of ideas. Additionally, cohesive devices are used inconsistently, affecting the overall readability.

Recommendations:

  • Refine the use of pronouns and conjunctions to avoid repetition and improve the smoothness of transitions between sentences.
  • Employ a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas more effectively, such as 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' 'Finally,' or 'Moreover,' to guide the reader through the letter.
  • Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea and supporting details to enhance the logical progression of the letter.
  • Use clear paragraphing to separate different sections of the letter, such as the description of the package, the damage, and the request for compensation.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary relevant to the topic but lacks precision and variety. There are several instances of incorrect word choice and awkward phrasing that affect clarity and coherence. For example, phrases like "goods totally have been destroyed" and "good-for-nothing at all" could be expressed more naturally. Additionally, there is a mix of formal and informal language, such as "Hello dear Mr thech" and "Thanks in advance," which affects the overall tone of the letter.

Recommendations:

  • Use a dictionary or thesaurus to find synonyms and alternative expressions to avoid overusing common words.
  • Practice using more precise and varied vocabulary to express ideas clearly and avoid repetition.
  • Ensure consistency in tone, choosing either formal or informal language throughout the letter to maintain coherence.
  • Expand your vocabulary related to damage and compensation to describe the situation more accurately and professionally.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures with frequent errors that hinder communication and affect clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Use accurate verb tenses consistently, such as changing 'Last day, I received' to 'Yesterday, I received.'
  • Ensure correct punctuation usage to improve readability, such as using commas appropriately and capitalizing the first person singular 'I.'
  • Improve sentence structure by using a variety of sentence types, such as compound and complex sentences, to enhance the grammatical range.
  • Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, as seen in phrases like 'goods totally have been destroyed' which should be 'goods have been totally destroyed.'
  • Ensure correct usage of articles and prepositions, for instance, 'a very memorable and priceless stuff' should be 'some very memorable and priceless items.'

Task Achievement5.0

The letter attempts to address the prompt by describing the package and the damage, explaining the effects, and requesting compensation. However, it lacks clarity and detail in several areas, affecting the overall task achievement.

Recommendations:

  • Explain more clearly how the damage affected the contents, specifying which items were broken and how this impacts their functionality or value.
  • Ensure that the letter addresses all parts of the task in a structured manner, using paragraphs to separate different points (description of damage, effects, and compensation request).
  • Provide a clear and detailed description of the package, including its contents and the specific nature of the damage observed upon arrival.
  • Clearly state the compensation you are seeking, whether it is a refund, a replacement, or another form of compensation, and provide any evidence or documentation that supports your claim.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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