BAND 6.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: WRITE A LETTER TO STORE MANAGER ABOUT FAULTY KITCHEN EQUIPMENT

Explore our Band 6.0 IELTS essay sample where a customer addresses a faulty kitchen knife set issue. Understand how to effectively express dissatisfaction and request a refund or replacement in a formal tone. Learn how to tackle real-world situations in your IELTS writing.

Writing Task

You recently bought a piece of equipment for your kitchen but it did not work properly. You called the store but no action was taken. Write a letter to the store manager. In your letter: - Explain the situation and the equipment you bought - Describe the problem with the equipment - Request appropriate action to be taken

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

Dear John, I recently bought a pack of kitchen knifes from your store. But the knifes are not sharp enough to cut throw the meat and even some of the knifes are broken. When I see these problems, I call the store and told them the problem and I want a refund for it or replace them with the sharp ones, they said that they will call me back soon but they did not call back so I call again and they say they won't replace it with new ones or give me refund. This problem is need to be fixed by you and take responsibility for selling the faulty equipment. And please contact the manufacture company and tell them to correct equipment so this won't happen to anyone else. Please can you help me to how can I get refund or replace them with sharp ones. Please contact me with replying to this email. Kind regards, Pouya Bigalri
Words: 159Paragraphs: 2
Submitted: 7/23/2023, 12:53 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The letter follows a logical structure, starting with an introduction of the issue, followed by a description of the problem, and concluding with a request for action. However, there are some issues with paragraphing and transitions that affect the overall coherence and cohesion.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that sentences within the paragraph support that idea.
  • Use clear paragraphing to separate different sections of the letter. For example, start a new paragraph when transitioning from describing the problem to requesting a solution.
  • Improve the use of linking words and cohesive devices to connect ideas smoothly. For instance, use phrases like 'Firstly', 'Additionally', 'Therefore', and 'In conclusion' to guide the reader through the argument.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary relevant to the topic but lacks precision and accuracy in word choice and spelling.

Recommendations:

  • Expand vocabulary to include more specific and precise terms related to the topic, such as 'kitchen knives set' instead of 'pack of kitchen knifes', and 'manufacturer' instead of 'manufacture company'.
  • Use a wider range of synonyms and less repetitive language to avoid using the same words repeatedly, such as 'sharp' and 'problem'.
  • Incorporate more descriptive language to clearly articulate the issues with the equipment, such as 'dull blades' or 'defective knives'.
  • Improve spelling accuracy, particularly for common words like 'knives' instead of 'knifes' and 'through' instead of 'throw'.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, with several errors in grammar and sentence construction that affect clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Pay attention to plural forms and correct usage, such as 'knifes' which should be 'knives'.
  • Use a variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences, to enhance grammatical range.
  • Correct the use of prepositions and articles, for example, 'cut throw the meat' should be 'cut through the meat.'
  • Ensure the correct use of modals and infinitives, such as 'Please can you help me to how can I get refund' which should be 'Please can you help me understand how I can get a refund.'
  • Improve subject-verb agreement, especially in sentences like 'When I see these problems, I call the store and told them the problem' which should be 'When I saw these problems, I called the store and told them about the issue.'

Task Achievement5.0

The letter addresses the task prompt by explaining the situation, describing the problem with the kitchen knives, and requesting action from the store manager. However, the explanation lacks clarity and coherence in parts, and the request for action could be more specific.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that all parts of the task prompt are addressed in a structured and coherent manner, ensuring that each point is logically connected.
  • Clarify the timeline of events and the actions taken, such as the initial purchase date and specific interactions with the store.
  • Clearly state the desired outcome, specifying whether a refund or replacement is preferred, and provide any supporting details to strengthen the request.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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