BAND 6.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: CONSTRUCTIVE FEEDBACK AND REQUESTS AFTER SOFTWARE IMPLEMENTATION WORKSHOP | IELTS LETTER WRITING TASK

Improve your IELTS score by studying our band 6.0 workshop feedback sample essay. Gain insights into structuring an effective letter, dealing with difficulties and suggesting improvements — key skills for achieving a higher IELTS band score.

Writing Task

You recently attended a workshop conducted by a company on a new software being implemented in your office. The workshop was helpful but you encountered a few issues during the session. Write a letter to the company that provided the workshop, including the following points: 1. Express gratitude for the workshop 2. Mention the specific issues faced during the session 3. Suggest possible improvements for future workshops 4. Request additional support or materials to help better understand the software Write your letter in a clear, relevant, and coherent manner. Remember to use an appropriate tone and follow the letter-writing format.

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

Dear manager, I am really happy that I can attend this valuable workshop .I am sure that I can progress in my job by attending this useful workshop of course with your help. But,there are some problems in this workshop that I should say. First of all,some computers do not work well which causes I can not learn well.So it would be great if you consider this issue and solve this problem. Another thing that I want to revommand you please bring good proffessors some of them unfortunately can not transfer their knowledge. Please expand your workshop.with different subjects because it is good for my job too.I want to progress in my job and I really want to attend in these practical workshops. Also,another thing that I want to mention please bring more computers cause we want to learn more and better thank you in advance. Best regards, Parastoo Faghih
Words: 150Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/24/2023, 11:14 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The letter presents a sequence of ideas related to expressing gratitude, identifying issues, and suggesting improvements; however, it lacks clear organization and smooth transitions between points.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid run-on sentences by breaking them into shorter, more manageable sentences to enhance clarity.
  • Improve the use of linking words and phrases to ensure smooth transitions between sentences and ideas, such as 'However,' 'Moreover,' or 'Additionally.'
  • Ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main point of the paragraph.
  • Use paragraphs to separate different ideas or points in the letter, such as gratitude, issues faced, and suggestions for improvement.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary with some repetition and errors in word choice and spelling, which affects clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Expand your vocabulary range to include more precise and varied words. For example, instead of using 'good professors,' consider 'qualified instructors' or 'experienced trainers.'
  • Use more specific and varied expressions to convey gratitude and suggestions, such as 'I am grateful for the opportunity to attend' instead of 'I am really happy that I can attend.'
  • Practice using collocations and phrases relevant to the context, such as 'technical difficulties' instead of 'some computers do not work well.'
  • Work on spelling accuracy to avoid errors such as 'revommand' (recommend) and 'proffessors' (professors).

Grammatical Range4.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, with frequent errors in sentence structure, punctuation, and verb forms. Simple sentences are predominantly used, and complex structures are often incorrect or awkwardly formed.

Recommendations:

  • Practice using modal verbs correctly to express suggestions and requests, such as 'could you please' instead of 'I want to recommand you.'
  • Improve punctuation use, particularly with commas and spacing, to enhance clarity and readability.
  • Avoid run-on sentences by breaking them into smaller, more manageable sentences or using conjunctions appropriately.
  • Work on using a variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences, to enhance grammatical range.
  • Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and verb forms to avoid errors such as 'causes I can not' which should be 'causes me not to be able to'.

Task Achievement5.0

The essay addresses the task prompt by expressing gratitude, mentioning issues, suggesting improvements, and requesting additional support. However, the task achievement is limited by the lack of specific details and clarity in expressing these points.

Recommendations:

  • Provide specific examples of how the workshop was helpful to clearly express gratitude, such as mentioning a particular skill or knowledge gained.
  • Elaborate on the issues faced by providing specific details, such as the number of non-functional computers or how it affected learning.
  • Offer clear and specific suggestions for improvements, such as suggesting a specific number of additional computers or types of professors needed.
  • Clearly request specific additional support or materials, such as a manual or online resources, to improve understanding of the software.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:4.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range4
Mix of complex & simple sentences4
Clear and correct grammar4
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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