BAND 6.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: APPRECIATION LETTER TO CONFERENCE ORGANIZER - TIPS AND RECOMMENDATIONS

Explore our band 6.0 score IELTS essay sample on attending a medical surgery conference. Learn about the merger of AI technology and surgical methods. Benefit from our detailed review of the conference's format, city location, and helpful material for non-native English speakers. Understand key insights from a participant's perspective.

Writing Task

You recently attended a conference in a different city, and you were very impressed with the organization of the event. Write a letter to the conference organizer to express your appreciation. In your letter, you should: - Mention the specific conference you attended - Describe what you liked most about the organization - Suggest any minor improvements you think could be made for future events

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

Dear medical conference organization I would really appreciate for attending in this medical's surgery conference for sharing up to dated techniques in surgery with intelligence systems. It's amazing conference because we can merge two completely different academic field and create an innovative ways to improve surgeons ability in their career. The most liked about your organization is about helding this event in nice and beautiful city and use well-versed examples for transfer the achievement in a good way for anyone whom English is not their mother-tongue language The other positive point of this event is collaboration between artificial intelligence experts and surgeons for improving health care The only criticism that I have about conference is about the long last timing of the conference without any interruption in between that is cause tedious for others and can not fully focus on important notes about event. Thanks for your cares Saeide Rahmatkhah
Words: 150Paragraphs: 2
Submitted: 7/18/2023, 01:49 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The letter lacks clear paragraphing and logical sequencing of ideas, which affects the overall coherence and cohesion. The ideas are not well connected, and transitions between points are abrupt, making it difficult for the reader to follow the writer's line of thought smoothly.

Recommendations:

  • Improve the use of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and ensure a smooth flow of information. For example, use 'Firstly,' 'Additionally,' and 'Finally' to introduce different points.
  • Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, and use topic sentences to introduce these ideas clearly.
  • Use clear paragraphing to separate different sections of the letter, such as the introduction, main body, and conclusion.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary with some attempts at using less common lexical items, but there are noticeable inaccuracies and awkward expressions that affect clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate a wider range of synonyms to avoid repetition and enhance the richness of the text, such as using 'event' instead of repeating 'conference' frequently.
  • Pay attention to word forms and collocations to improve accuracy, such as using 'appreciate attending' instead of 'appreciate for attending'.
  • Avoid awkward expressions by practicing sentence construction and ensuring that phrases like 'up to dated techniques' are correctly expressed as 'up-to-date techniques'.
  • Use more precise language to describe actions and qualities, such as 'helding' should be 'holding' and 'long last timing' should be 'extended duration'.
  • Expand your vocabulary range by learning and practicing more varied and precise words related to the context of conferences and professional events.

Grammatical Range4.0

The letter demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures, but there are noticeable errors in sentence construction, verb forms, and article usage, affecting clarity and coherence.

Recommendations:

  • Improve article usage. For instance, 'for sharing up to dated techniques' should be 'for sharing up-to-date techniques.'
  • Avoid run-on sentences by separating independent clauses with periods or conjunctions. For example, 'The only criticism that I have about conference is about the long last timing of the conference without any interruption in between that is cause tedious for others and can not fully focus on important notes about event.' could be rewritten as 'The only criticism I have is that the conference lasted too long without breaks, making it tedious for attendees who could not focus on important notes.'
  • Ensure subject-verb agreement in all sentences. For example, 'It's amazing conference' should be 'It's an amazing conference.'
  • Use correct verb forms and tenses. For example, 'I would really appreciate for attending' should be 'I really appreciated attending.'

Task Achievement5.0

The letter addresses the main points of the task prompt, mentioning the conference attended, what was liked about the organization, and a suggestion for improvement. However, it lacks clarity and detail in some areas, which affects the overall task achievement.

Recommendations:

  • Include more specific details about what aspects of the organization were impressive, such as logistics, scheduling, or guest speakers.
  • Provide a clear and concise suggestion for improvement, describing how breaks could be better incorporated into the schedule.
  • Ensure that the letter has a clear structure, with separate paragraphs for each point: the conference attended, what was liked, and the suggestion for improvement.
  • Clearly state the specific name and date of the conference attended to fulfill the task requirement.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:4.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range4
Mix of complex & simple sentences4
Clear and correct grammar4
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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