BAND 6.0 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: APPRECIATION LETTER FOR EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION WORKSHOP

Explore our Band 6.0 IELTS Essay sample, detailing the benefits of attending workshops for job progress. Discover insights on sales techniques, responsibility, creativity, and more. Ideal resource for IELTS aspirants seeking to improve their writing skills.

Writing Task

You recently attended a workshop held by your company. In the workshop, a guest speaker gave an informative presentation about effective communication in the workplace. You have decided to write a letter of appreciation to the guest speaker. In your letter: - Introduce yourself and mention the workshop you attended - Explain what you learned during the presentation - Describe how the presentation has positively impacted your work and colleagues - Offer your heartfelt thanks to the guest speaker

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

Dear Madam I want to talk about workshop. First I should say thanks an ocean for workshop. I think the workshop very useful for us. I started work since 8 years ago and I use to go to a lot of workshop for my progress and I guess it was good for my job. Next I should say I learned a lot of thins in your workshop, for example: ways of sale, responsibility, creativity and so on. The work shop had a lot of good effects for my job. Frankly speaking this workshop is reason success me. I can manage relationships with my coworkers and my customers. I suppose workshop can be entertaining for employees. On the other hand employees can succeed with study about their job or attend the workshop. Finally I am happy for attending in your workshop. I am looking forward to another your course. Yours sinceraly
Words: 150Paragraphs: 1
Submitted: 7/19/2023, 08:21 AM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay lacks coherence and cohesion, with ideas not logically sequenced and transitions between sentences and paragraphs being unclear or missing.

Recommendations:

  • Employ linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between sentences, enhancing the logical flow of the letter.
  • Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea, and all sentences within the paragraph relate to that idea.
  • Use clear paragraphing to separate different sections of the letter, such as introduction, learning points, impact, and gratitude.
  • Improve sentence structure to avoid abrupt transitions and ensure each sentence logically follows from the previous one.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary with frequent errors in word choice and usage, affecting clarity and precision.

Recommendations:

  • Avoid repetition by using synonyms or paraphrasing to keep the content engaging and diverse.
  • Work on using more precise and varied vocabulary to replace vague terms like 'a lot of things' with specific examples or categories.
  • Expand your vocabulary related to business and communication to better express ideas and details.
  • Use collocations and phrases accurately to improve the naturalness of the language, such as 'thank you immensely' instead of 'thanks an ocean'.

Grammatical Range4.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, with frequent errors in sentence formation, verb tense, and article usage. These issues can obscure meaning and affect clarity.

Recommendations:

  • Pay attention to plural forms and spelling errors, such as 'thins' which should be 'things.'
  • Improve article usage ('a', 'an', 'the') to enhance clarity. For instance, 'talk about workshop' should be 'talk about the workshop.'
  • Expand the use of complex sentences to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures. Try combining simple sentences using conjunctions like 'and', 'but', 'because', etc.
  • Work on sentence structure to avoid fragments and run-on sentences. Practice using complete sentences with a clear subject and predicate.
  • Review verb tense usage to ensure consistency, especially with past and present tenses. For example, 'I started work since 8 years ago' should be 'I started working 8 years ago.'

Task Achievement5.0

The letter attempts to address the task prompt by expressing appreciation for a workshop and its impact on the writer's work. However, it lacks clarity and detail in several areas, making it difficult to fully understand the writer's experience and appreciation.

Recommendations:

  • Elaborate on how the presentation has positively impacted your work and colleagues with specific examples or scenarios.
  • Express your gratitude more clearly and formally, ensuring the guest speaker understands the depth of your appreciation.
  • Clearly introduce yourself and specify the workshop you attended to provide context to the guest speaker.
  • Provide specific details about what you learned in the presentation, rather than listing vague topics like 'ways of sale' or 'creativity.'
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:4.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range4
Mix of complex & simple sentences4
Clear and correct grammar4
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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