BAND 5.5 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLE: WRITING AN APPRECIATION LETTER TO A CONFERENCE SPEAKER | IELTS WRITING TASK TIPS

Explore our Band 5.5 IELTS essay sample written by Sara, expressing gratitude and seeking career advice. Excellent resource for those striving to improve their IELTS scores. Get insights on style, structure and content.

Writing Task

You recently attended a professional conference, and you were highly impressed by one of the guest speakers. Write a letter to the guest speaker expressing your appreciation for their presentation. In your letter, include: - Introduction: Explain who you are and why you are writing - Description: Describe what you enjoyed about the presentation - Impact: Explain how the presentation has benefited you or changed your perspective

IELTS Writing Sample Essay with Band 5.0 Scoring and Feedback

Hello there, I am writing a letter to you Ms., Sara to express my gratitude to you. For many years I was working in this field which you had a presentation on last week. It was a great opportunity for me to attend that meeting. It solves many problems for me that were like egos for me. I was wondering if there is an ongoing new season that I could attend next month could you send me an email beforehand? Do you mind if I send an email for more clearing my mind since I have many questions in my brain? Also, it is about time to find a job in my career. I have heard you can help me with my research. I appreciate your help in advance. it will be my dream to work with you at the same company. I am looking forward to hearing from you. Thanks, Sara
Words: 152Paragraphs: 2
Submitted: 7/21/2023, 10:42 PM

Coherence And Cohesion5.0

The essay lacks a clear and logical structure, which affects its coherence and cohesion. The ideas are not well connected, and the flow of the letter is disrupted by abrupt transitions and unrelated ideas.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure each sentence logically follows from the previous one. Avoid introducing unrelated ideas that disrupt the flow, such as job search and personal questions, unless they directly relate to the presentation's impact.
  • Clarify the purpose of the letter in the introduction and maintain focus on expressing appreciation, describing enjoyment, and explaining the impact of the presentation.
  • Organize the letter into clear paragraphs: introduction, description, and impact. Each paragraph should focus on a specific aspect of the task prompt.
  • Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs to improve the flow of the letter. For example, use phrases like 'Firstly,' 'In addition,' and 'Furthermore' to guide the reader through your points.

Lexical Resource5.0

The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary and occasionally uses words inaccurately, affecting the clarity and precision of the message.

Recommendations:

  • Incorporate a few more advanced vocabulary words to demonstrate lexical flexibility, such as 'insightful presentation' instead of 'presentation'.}]}
  • Avoid using repetitive words like 'email' and 'mind'; instead, use synonyms or rephrase the sentences for variety.
  • Ensure the correct use of collocations and expressions, such as 'solves many problems' which could be better expressed as 'addressed many challenges'.
  • Use more precise language to express complex ideas, such as 'egos' which seems to be a misuse; consider using 'issues' or 'challenges'.
  • Expand your vocabulary related to professional and formal contexts to better express gratitude and appreciation.

Grammatical Range5.0

The essay demonstrates a basic use of grammatical structures with some noticeable errors. The writer attempts various sentence structures but struggles with maintaining grammatical accuracy and complexity.

Recommendations:

  • Improve the use of articles and prepositions. For instance, change 'It solves many problems for me that were like egos for me.' to 'It solved many problems for me that were like hurdles.'
  • Enhance the variety of sentence structures by incorporating complex and compound sentences. For example, instead of 'I was wondering if there is an ongoing new season that I could attend next month could you send me an email beforehand?', use 'I was wondering if there is an ongoing new season I could attend next month, and if so, could you send me an email beforehand?'
  • Ensure proper sentence structure by avoiding run-on sentences and using appropriate punctuation. For example, break down the sentence 'I am writing a letter to you Ms., Sara to express my gratitude to you.' into 'I am writing to express my gratitude to you, Ms. Sara.'

Task Achievement5.0

The letter does not fully achieve the task requirements as it lacks a clear structure and detailed content relevant to the task prompt. The introduction is vague, and the description of what was enjoyed about the presentation is insufficient. The impact of the presentation on the writer is not clearly explained.

Recommendations:

  • Ensure that the letter follows a logical structure with clear paragraphs for introduction, description, and impact.
  • Avoid including unrelated requests or information that does not pertain to the task prompt, such as asking for job opportunities.
  • Clearly introduce yourself and state the purpose of writing the letter to the guest speaker at the beginning.
  • Provide specific details about what you enjoyed in the presentation, such as particular topics covered or the speaker's style.
  • Explain how the presentation has benefited you or changed your perspective with specific examples or insights gained.
GRADED
5.0
Coherence and Cohesion:5.0
Lexical Resource:5.0
Grammatical Range:5.0
Task Achievement:5.0
Band Score:5.0
Coherence and Cohesion5
Logical structure5
Introduction & conclusion present5
Supported main points5
Accurate linking words5
Variety in linking words5
Lexical Resource5
Varied vocabulary5
Accurate spelling & word formation5
Grammatical Range5
Mix of complex & simple sentences5
Clear and correct grammar5
Task Achievement5
Complete response5
Clear & comprehensive ideas5
Relevant & specific examples5
Appropriate word count5
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